“THIS WASN’T MEANT TO BE EASY.”
So, yesterday I did one of my long runs for my marathon
training preparation. It was 18.5 miles
long. In 28-32 degrees. After I had already had 5 hours of classes
and clients. It did not go well.
I had major anxiety about this run. It was SO NOT IDEAL. Thursdays I’m usually EXHAUSTED. In fact, I normally try to have Thursday as
my “off day” and take a NAP in between appointments. This week, Wednesday I wasn’t feeling well
and had to actually CANCEL some of my appointments! So, it was super debatable if I should have
even tried to do this long run. With the
weather this weekend, kids sports schedules, I didn’t have much choice.
I reminded myself of SO MUCH TRUTH in getting myself out the
door:
*it is GOOD to sometimes do hard workouts ON ALREADY TIRED
LEGS!
*we can’t always expect to do our training at our most ideal
times (especially when this is not our full time job!)
*I so often hear people who sign up for only flat races,
only summer races, only their favorite types of things, and I Reminded myself
that this was my opportunity to live out what I think is critical to our growth-
that we don’t always do the things that are our favorites, easier for us,
etc. This builds character and this
reminded me that I Just needed to dig deep and do the work.
I started the run and knew in the first few miles I wasn’t
feeling awesome- my legs were already heavy, it was cold, I had 14,000 lbs of
clothes on so I felt like a zombie trying to run anyway, but I kept a patient
attitude and settled into a calm warm up. I was aiming to do an easy 4 miles
for warming up with no expectations, just relax and try to not freeze. Then I was to begin going strong. My beginning of strong didn’t feel very
strong, still so sluggish, but I cut myself some slack knowing it was uphill,
windy at that point and cold. Stayed
mentally calm. Started feeling like I
could push a bit better when on the flat W and OD and a bit more shielded on
those miles from the wind. I started to
feel BETTER, but also knew it was kind of being “forced.” Mentally I was still holding so much anxiety,
like “can I really do this on a Thursday after the full week and after the day
I’ve already had.” I was trying to be “in
the mile I was in” but it again, was just all very forced and I was holding
this tight mental frame of mind. I could
already feel about mile 7-8 that my right calf and hip were feeling the work
and the pressure and pushing. It kept building, but I tried to hang on. I decided to turn around ½ mile earlier than
I had intended to. I didn’t want to end
up so far from home in case I needed to cut something a little shorter for the
health of my hip, but that being said, I also didn’t really want to do the same
distance long run that I had done the week before. That would be, in my opinion, basically
wearing my body down to achieve what I had already done. I was trying to up my distance by completing the
next mile in my build. If I didn’t get
to my goal of 18.5, it would be a bigger jump to my next long run goal of
20. When I turned around, I let myself
back off my pace and regroup and earn myself a bit of positive mojo to see if I
could hop back in and maintain a “strong” run up until mile 17, as was my initial
plan. After 17, I had intended to take it easy and just GET to
the 18.5 end. This easy mile did help
and I started strong again, however it just fizzled after 1.5 more miles of
this. I was frustrated, but also realizing,
this is just the truth for me today. You
can only force so much. I can only WANT
to run strong so much, I cannot will my physical body to something it is just
too fatigued for. I realized I had to
just use what I had left and spread that out through to the end. I realized that it wasn’t going to be my
IDEAL workout, but nonetheless, this training session could still be an
important stepping stone both physically and mentally.
Mile 15 I took a 1 min walk, then ran the rest of the
mile. Mile 16 did the same thing which
got me at least ALIVE to the 17 mile mark.
At that point, I had a decision to make.
Since I had turned around ½ mile early, my route back to my house would
have had me finish my run 1 mile short of what my plan was… again, not progressing
distance past my last long run. Which
wouldn’t be the end of the world.
HOWEVER, I didn’t think my hip (or calf) was at risk, so, I decided to
suck it up, HUMBLE MYSELF, because at this point, my running looked TERRIBLE,
felt terrible, and was just painful. But
I added on an extra bit of distance before getting back to my house at 18. Again, I could have gone inside and been done
at 18, but I knew my goal was 18.5, so I went up and down my street trying to
go “hard” which still looked like maybe an accelerated walk/shuffle!! And then easier back to get to my total
mileage goal. Ohhhh it was rough, but I finished at 18.5. I did it.
It was important.
NOT EVERY TRAINING DAY SHOULD BE AWESOME.
If you do NOT have a long run that MAKES YOU SUFFER SUFFER
SUFFER, then there is really something WRONG frankly. If you are not suffering in training, you
WILL suffer most likely in your race.
Most of this run, I felt like it was such a non- success and
disappointment. Having completed it (and
safe and back in my heated home!!!) I do now acknowledge the importance of the
fight that I just gave. It will serve me
well. This is the complete point of training-
not to always go out there at the perfect time, not to always go out there and
have a success, but to make tough decisions, find the most that you have on any
given day, and keep showing up.