(posting this quite late):
I want to write more.
I love using this space (for mostly myself!) to solidify my thoughts in
writing.
I have a race in 5 days- Rev3 Olympic Distance triathlon in
Williamsburg. I’m really excited!
And not because I’m so highly trained/ fiercely focused as I
used to be.
Nope, I am SO TRULY grateful for being able to
participate. To freaking SHOW UP with legs
that are working. I had such a hard time
getting my leg to function since last October and was struggling for months to
MOVE. I would have to turn around 2
driveways away. I questioned if I was
just weak or making some mental issue about my leg. I did not (and do not) understand what was
going on. I am SO GRATEFUL for being
able to go out and jog. And even
“run”. I know people make up all these
rants about using the word JOGGING. GOSH
I was SO thankful to jog again. Who CARES what I call it! (because it wasn’t running for a little
bit!) but it was OUTDOORS, in the air,
in my space. I am so lucky.
So, I’m really looking forward to this race and it is kinda
FUNNY to me. I’m looking so fully
forward to being OUT THERE. In the
water. On the roads. On my feet!
And, in the past, I always have. But…. I was so TENSELY CLENCHING ONTO BIG GOALS
previously. So, it feels really FREEING
to be prepared enough to work hard.
Within my abilities. And
literally EMBRACE and ENJOY the reality of NOW.
I feel like myself in a somehow “integrated” way. Somehow being able to blend and balance my
hardcore fierce being with a softer version, willing to be okay with “what is.”
Like I am learning that to be overly attentive to
numbers/seconds/data driven points takes me out of the place (which is the
present) where learning and growth and joy happen.
So, now I update this the night before the race.
It’s been a day. I
left this morning so unsettled and had honestly a rotten drive to the
race. A big mental funk. A life funk.
And I didn’t even feel like myself in the car, just ruminating over my
purpose in life, quite frankly. And I
honestly just felt bone dry and sad. And
embarrassed and unworthy, just not in my centered place. I came out of it a little bit, but it rocked
me and I’m hoping I wake up tomorrow going back to my place filled with
gratitude. Being UNBOTHERABLE😊 Not letting any single thing get me
down. Not letting anything have that
power over living the best day I can.
I read one of Maria Shriver’s weekly newsletters a few weeks
ago, and she talked about how when she was growing up, her dad used to say, I’m
the luckiest guy in the world! And I
really liked that. We should all feel
that way. And it reminded me to daily
try to remember that- we truly are living great lives, even amidst hard things.
So, tomorrow, in the James River, may I feel like the luckiest person to be
free in the water. On the 2000 feet of
climbing, may I feel like the luckiest and strongest person I can be to travel
these roads under my own power. And what
is SURE TO BE BLAZING HOT HUMIDITY, may I feel like the luckiest girl to be
able to move my body across the land under my own power, strength, grit and
resilience.
POST RACE: I
finished, I am so very glad I did this race!
Morning of race, I was nervous – just feeling unsettled and ….well nervous. Mostly about the swim- I didn’t like not
seeing the swim- it was weird location- in the middle of these marshy areas and
I just kept thinking- there is no way there could be alligators there, right?? The water quality looked really worrisome… I
was maybe looking for reasons to be nervous?
I haven’t done a tri since last August, and I think with being off of
running for so long, it just got me off my regular feeling of being confident
that I can do these things. All of this
made me even more convinced of how much I need to keep doing these things that
make me nervous, push me, take me out of my comfort zone.
Swim started- it was a rolling start vs. age group
start. That still is a little bit new to
me, I’ve only had 1 other tri with rolling start. This was a jump from a dock and I always
worry if someone is going to jump on me before I can get out of the way. It was fine.
(you’d think one day I would learn that worrying isn’t making anything
better). My swim felt really long and
strong. Not necessarily fast, but I had
no issues with breathing, I just got settled in really quickly. There was definitely some confusion on the
course/ the placement of buoys. We were
supposed to keep all buoys on left so I Was sighting this furthest buoy but
then I saw once almost there that people weren’t actually going around that
one- it led to like a marshy islandy area… good grief, so I went out of my way
with sighting that buoy. I wasn’t
thrilled or appreciative. After that it
seemed good and I felt strong to the finish.
It wasn’t a great “time” but honestly, I cared more that I FELT FINE.
Transition 1 was fast and straightforward. Getting ONTO bike- a woman fell off her bike
in front of me and a car that was slowly coming through the road nearly ran
into her/ she almost slid under the car.
It was really terrifying. I saw
Rachel, a friend who I also coach, as she was starting the bike leg of her
first 70.3- it was GREAT to see her and I just felt so happy to be out there on
the roads with her!
BIKE: I got on and went. Overall the bike felt GOOD, but I never felt
like I was really giving it a BIG PUSH.
I was like going at a level that was like 7.5/10- like I wasn’t willing?
Or just very heistant? To push more and burn myself out. I feel like that was just a little bit of
lack of training- like I don’t really know HOW MUCH I CAN DO,/ how much I can
push … I haven’t trained too hard
because there is that line I don’t want to cross with injury and pushing to a
point where I’m going to be out of running again for awhile… So I just don’t
even think I have that range in me that I used to have. And I don’t want to
push past lines that I used to push past that maybe led to injury. The bike course was 30 miles instead of a
standard 25 miles for Olympic distance.
I haven’t gotten in many LONG rides, 40 was my longest, so 30 was fine,
but also noticeable to me that it was longer than the typical 25. There was talk about how much climbing was in
this race. I had driven a portion of the
course the day before and it didn’t look too bad, so I was wondering where the
huge hills were- yes they were near the turn around, but it honestly wasn’t
overall as I think they said it was? I think
I went “strong” on the bike- I don’t regret it, but I do “wonder” what it would
have been like to push a little bit more…. Or…. Like I Used to😊
T2- Got off bike- run shoes on, fuel belt, and GO. Felt Ok.
Of course it wasn’t like “fresh legs” but also not dead stumps like had
I been pushing harder. I had to stop at
like ¼ mile because I’ve been dealing with some foot pain and I didn’t think
that my shoe was cinched tight enough, I didn’t really want to take the time to
bend over, but I did. (and let’s face it… it’s not like I am SO FAST that a few
seconds cinching shoelaces really takes me to a new level, haha!) First mile
was over a bridge- I had practiced it yesterday so I knew it actually wasn’t as
bad as it maybe looked, but I wasn’t sure what it would feel like at the end of
a swim/bike. It was okay and I was
running “solid.” It was open sun at that
point, definitely getting very toasty. 2nd
mile at about the halfway point led into shade and I was so thankful (yes only
time of life I appreciate shade!) but I was hoping to “manage” ok.) It wasn’t a hugely populated race, and it was
odd- I couldn’t tell if I loved that it was kind of lonely out there or liked
it. I think it was a mix of both- I kind of enjoyed being in JUST MY PLACE and
PACE, but also was really happy to see someone either me passing, I don’t think
there were many people passing me, but some people on the way back and it was
nice to see! Water stations were
helpful- I took ice and put down my swimsuit, ice water over head. (I had my
own water to carry to drink). I was
happy to get to the turn around- still shaded but it was still pretty
toasty. As I made it back to mile 4 I
realize ok you only have ½ mile of shade left and then it’s going to FEEL
really worse. I took more ice in my
swimsuit and it was so helpful. Once I
got on the bridge to go back towards finish line- under a mile left- although
it was really exposed and sunny, there was actually a nice breeze over the
bridge that I could feel. I was trying
to push as much as I could to the finish- with ½ mile left. Gosh, I wish I had more speed in these legs,
but I did what I could, and it felt nice to be finishing my first triathlon
after the year I had. Once again, it was
really a devastating and confusing 3 months not knowing why I couldn’t even
take steps/ what was going on with my calf/shin/hip, and I was so thankful to
finish. How LUCKY AM I that my leg/hip/back is letting me do things I love
still😊
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