Why am I running the Kauai Marathon?
I am giddy with excitement that in less than 2 months, I
will be running in the Kauai marathon. This will be my 3rd visit to
Kauai, my first time in this particular marathon, and maybe my 10th
ish marathon ever? (I need to go back to
count, I stopped counting marathons when I did an Ironman and didn’t know if
that marathon should be counted)... I digress…
WHY- the question of why we decide to do things is always important,
and it is often this clear and heartfelt “why” that brings you through rough
patches along the way. The answer to this question for me is both so very simple
and also woven with complexity and meaning.
The simple answer is that I somehow have had the Aloha
spirit running through my blood since I was a kid. We visited Hawaii when I was
13 and I KNEW I was at home. As it does to so many, the Hawaiian air speaks to
my soul in a way that can bring me to tears.
To ignore this truth and inner knowing that I deeply sense in this
magical land would be against who I am. There is a deep pull of my heart in Hawaii,
and I will follow!
2 days after my 50th birthday is when I travel to
run this marathon, and what a gift to myself it will be to celebrate in such a
special way! Now- the complicated part is that I am traveling solo to this
race. I began traveling solo in 2019 and have learned and grown so much by having
the courage to step out into the unknown alone. I feel like it is a complicated
decision to travel solo as I am married and have two kids. Both my children will be leaving for college
a week or so before I travel this time, but even in these past years, I have made
it a priority to take time for myself to travel alone. I have gone through many
feelings about this- selfishness, guilt, fear and excitement. However, after
each trip, and even during, there is a full inner knowing that this time is so
important and special and good.
These trips remind me of who I am. I have time to do exactly
the things that light up my heart, fuel my soul, and it is the one chance as a
mom that I don’t have to be prioritizing others in front of listening to my own
self. It is a treasure to wake up for the sunrise, do yoga with my toes in the
sand, eat when and what I want, hike, swim, run, exercise all the things I love
to do without worrying about anyone else’s thoughts on this schedule. I can unapologetically be myself.
When you decide to listen to your own heart, take care of
yourself fully, it can be hard and new.
We aren’t always taught how to take care of ourselves, or that it is
even the right thing to do. It is thought of as unnecessary, selfish, over the
top. Yet I have learned, that we cannot do the work of this lifetime of ours, live
our truest life if we aren’t in a space where we can first fill our own cup to
be able then to share. To honor and love ourselves so that we can then have the
fullest capacity to do the same for others.
I’ll be honest, when I arrive on the Hawaiian Islands, my cheeks
hurt within a few hours because I just cannot stop smiling. I have a deep sense
of awe, my senses are on overload, and I am reminded that God created an
absolute masterpiece. It is absurdly magical. But I also have a sense sometimes
of an element of fear in traveling alone, which reminds me of why I MUST go. The
fears are varied- both legitimate and not. I worry that I won’t be able to undo
the lock of the vrbo that I am staying in (why do I sometimes find those
lockboxes so hard to get into/ in the dark, I’m still unsure of my surroundings
at that point). I have the usual worries that I will be hiking and come back to
find my rental car windows shattered, or any of the things that can
happen. I worry that I will be too
nervous to go eat alone, enjoy a drink at happy hour all by myself. I don’t want to feel like I am undeservedly
taking up space somewhere without having someone next to me. And in going, in
showing up and doing the thing that gives me some pause and hesitation, I build
self-confidence and remind myself that I have everything I need to take care of
myself. I remember that I am worthy on my own. I am not afraid to sit by myself
and enjoy time by myself, I don’t need to apologize. I learn that I can handle
the little things that go wrong on a trip, as they do. I can depend on myself. There
is enormous power in learning to trust myself, in learning that it is okay to
take time by myself, that I can fully enjoy being with my own self.
And what better place to learn these lessons than in Kauai,
my heaven on earth! Now, why can I not just go and vacation in Kauai without
the marathon? Well, I could. But, I’ve done marathons and triathlons for
nearly 30 years, and just as traveling solo teaches me about myself, so do
marathons. I run my own fitness company called Rising Sun Fitness, and I fully
believe in practicing what I teach, walking the walk, and doing hard things. It
makes me a better coach and trainer and person to be in the arena of these
challenges.
When I’m running in marathons and moving through the land on
my own two feet, I feel connected with the spaces that I’m moving through, the
land that I’m on. I get to fully experience the place that I’m in, be in complete
awareness of body, breath, the air around I’m connected with, how I’m willing
myself forward, how I’m in connection with runners surrounding me going through
similar struggles. In the training, and the race itself, I am often forced to peel
the layers down to my deepest self, to find what I am made of.
I still have the fire
to do hard and uncomfortable things. I’m never sure of the result, but I’m
still willing to put myself into that vulnerable spot of stepping into the arena.
I love the practice of fighting self-doubt, empowering myself by training my
body and mind together- one just as important as the other. And so it goes- day by day, magic is created.
You practice becoming the person you want to be, asking yourself questions about
your tenacity and will, and then doing the thing. Taking the action. Showing up
for yourself, becoming the strongest version of yourself possible. Feeling the
exhilaration of the work and preparation being molded into the fiber of your
being, and stepping into life fully, living with awe, awareness and respect for
the life we are in. Living the Aloha spirit, essentially! This is my WHY!
Brilliant!
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