I love the yearly (and sometimes seasonal, sometimes
monthly) reflection of goals, assessing pathways, checking in with the place I
am in to see if it is on the path to where I want to be going, and sometimes
adjusting sails to go to an entirely different place.
I’ve never done the family Christmas letter reflection
because I am afraid ours isn’t interesting to look at, but it sure is to me,
being IN it! So I sometimes write it for
myself only…. And here is this years:
2016 began looking forward to a focused year. I initially was laser focused on fitness and
nutrition. I had nutritionally let
myself go a bit/ was at my heaviest, and was frankly really concerned that I
didn’t have it in me to have nutritional discipline again. I quickly showed myself that I did, and I am
proud of that, grateful that I found my willpower and reminded myself how great
it feels to be in top health. I lost up
to 14 lbs, then settled in at about 12 lbs down and tried to manage that, and
I mostly did through my racing season
until September… Along with that, and I believe in some ways due to that
slightly lighter mass to lug around, I had my best racing season EVER, and it
was a year I will never forget! My best run
and triathlon season and it was frankly exhilarating! I flat out won a few races- overall woman,
and most of my triathlons were top of age group or top 3 overall. Eagleman- which was my BIGGIE (again)… I got
3rd age group, and that is my highest EM finish EVER! I was thrilled (although, not completely
because I finished the race not really feeling too well and took me a bit of
recovery!)
I loved having my kids see that my work was paying off- they
thought it was just FUN STUFF seeing me win, and it was really nice to feel my
work and dedication pay off! I have been
so excited and thankful for this year of success in racing.
We had a great family trip in March- our first spring break
away—we went to Sanibel Island and seriously just adored our time there. Our first time flying as a family, first trip
to Florida, it was a big thing that we did this, we brought back bushels of
shells, and it was something we will never forget! We biked a total of about 75 miles on the
island that week (I ran that all- they all had rental bikes)… it was the best
ever. EVER. EVER. (kind of worries me that we now have that
huge bar set for spring break/vacations, etc!)
This fall, I was looking forward to a season of just pure enjoyable
running, which it was to some extent, until my hip had pain that just didn’t
seem to be healing, then my back went out, I got sick, sick again, ugh… So, my
glorious fall of running didn’t really feel so carefree and beautiful- felt
like much more of a struggle, but I am just hopeful that I have now gotten all
of that out of my system and can begin 1/1/17 (TOMORROW) healthy and focused
like a laser on making this year as strong as I want it to be!
I’ve done a lot of work this fall- maybe because my mind
wasn’t focused as much on racing and going forward on my line of goals—on working
on my heart. My heart feels all the
freaking feels which is great and terrible at the same time. I have found myself … again all since
September mostly… with panic attacks, trembling when unknown cars are parked in
front of our house on the street, nauseas with fear when an ambulance siren
goes off on the road next to me, and unexplained panic at times that I acknowledge
fully have no reasonable logic to bring such an extreme reaction from my body. I
know our drama is over, I know we are safe, I know there is no one coming to
get me. But… I have learned it is not
enough to logicaly know this. I am learning to accept my fears and not be
surprised by these reactions, and that there has been a lot on my heart that
would make this understandable.
Along with these crazy (I shouldn’t label them that/ see
above line!) episodes, this fall has just been so tough overall
emotionally. The shenanigans of election
week and results and my not fully being able to comprehend have made me feel
like I am walking completely unsure of my footsteps, where I even am. I sometimes think I am so not cut for this
world—there are so many things that I see that I feel to my raw core- Syria and
the refugees, and I both feel too much, and have a reaction where I want to cut
myself off from any feeling… I’ve been there before… and feel like I both feel
too much but also too little by way of
cutting off feelings of empathy before I personally become too invested in “all
of the feels.”
One of our favorite movies to watch every Christmas season
is “Serendipity.” A great quote that
comes near the end of the movie is, “The Greeks don’t write obituaries. They ask one question about the person that
speaks for itself—Did this person live their life with passion.”
I love that. I am
nothing if not passionate about all of the life, all of the days, all of the
dreams, all of the people, all of the hearts.
I have so many hopes for 2017 and that is all I need. Hope.
I will take that hope and literally run with it!
Welcome, 2017!!
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