Friday, December 30, 2022

2022 WRAP UP...




Anything worth doing is worth taking the time to be intentional, so here I sit, wrapping up another year.  I always try to look critically, but also positively at everything that led me to the place I find myself at the end of the year.  It is what it is, so I want to LEARN and move forward better, with a plan coming from both the positives and negatives of this past year.

I started off the yar with my big theme of “ALL IN”.  I wanted to be “all in” for my goals.  If I was going to say something, then I would make it happen with attention, a narrow focus on the small things, as well as a broad focus on the big picture.

My first big goal of going “all in” was in doing Shamrock Marathon in March.  I wanted to do a new to me race- even though this race has gone on for years and I know people who have gone down to do it, for me, I’ve just never considered going to the ocean in the winter😊  But this year, I wanted to commit myself to a new race- walking into something I didn’t know about, and make it happen.  I’m really glad I did that.  I love that I have a bunch of “favorite” races (Eagleman, Annapolis/luray), but it’s good to go somewhere and be a bit scared of the unknown.  My goal was to qualify for Boston in this marathon, and I did. I am overall happy with that- was the race a perfect success?  No, I definitely had to work so hard and had doubts and fears (and mostly feel irritated at my GI system issues in this race) but I had the GRIT, I was ALL IN in not giving up during this race.  I proved to myself that I still had the deep core WILLpower to get through.  To mentally persevere.  As I’ve gotten older, I wasn’t sure if I had lost that, and I honestly love that I found it within myself to channel my no quitting fire.

My next goal was Eagleman 70.3. 

The “why” behind this race was because, even though I’ve done it about 10x, my last was a DNF.  It was a year that I just lost my mental mojo, maybe overtrained?  Or maybe just lost a bit of my spark?  But, I literally walked off the course back to my car during the run course.  I literally just didn’t feel like running that day.  So, I needed to get back and to FINISH Eagleman again.  I did.  The goal was to finish, and I did.  Would I have liked a faster time, yes, but I came to this race, and did what I set out to do. 

That was early June and I had planned to then recover/ I knew I had travel with my daughter for a big vball tournament, and I would take that time to recover.  She ended up getting Covid and getting it BAD, and we ended up in the Emergency room, and it definitely took some wind out of my “life sails” for maybe a month after that.  I Just felt like I daily was just reliving the sight of her passing out/ not being able to stand, and I just lost some interest in pushing to my deepest levels.  It was time for me to take a few weeks and just enjoy breathing.

I got back into my efforts to get ready for end of season races:  Luray Triathlon- one of my favorites.  I came to this race to race with everything that I had, and I did.  It was a disaster the night before the race with pre-race anxiety like I’ve never had ever, and it showed me that I definitely have had some years off and have some mental skills to work at, but this was GOOD.  (The fact of showing up was even good after that night!)  I ended up 3rd overall woman, and obviously was really happy with that.  Not only that, but I just felt STRONG, FIT and doing the thing I Love to do.  Nothing better. 

One week later, I was at another fave:  Annapolis 10 Miler.  I’ll be honest- looking at this race- I didn’t have as much of a strong “why”---- it’s just because it’s what I do the last weekend in August!  I do enjoy it, but I realize now, I might not have had a solid enough why, as well as well defined GOALS.  I did well in the race, am happy overall with how I did, but it was a DARN HOT HUMID morning and whoa, it was one of the hardest A10’s I’ve ever completed.  There were times I was like how am I going to get to the finish of this thing.  So, again, I’m glad I gritted it out, proved to myself that I still have some fire in me, some grit and finishing power.  I look back and wish I had maybe been more “numbers oriented” with this race- trying to actual HIT a certain time, rather than just go and “run strong and solid.”  I feel like maybe that was a bit of a cop out that I didn’t even know I was doing?  I feel like this maybe wasn’t “all in” during the prep.

With that race finished, I had one more race on my schedule:  Amelia Island ½ Marathon in October- again – an effort to do something NEW (as well as get myself to the OCEAN!! HAHA!)  My original idea was go and have fun- then hop in the ocean after!  However, once I started really feeling like I was holding some good paces, PLUS this race would be relatively flat, I started realizing, I am close to the qualifying time for NYC marathon (and I keep not getting in off of the lottery)…. So I decided to go for it!  I had some really awesome and strong training, and was frankly LOVING IT.  Then about 3 weeks before race, I got sick.  I had 2 weeks of not feeling well, missed training both of those weeks. (allergies, got 2 infections). I thought that maybe it would just be an interesting taper, tried to get some intense shorter workouts the week before the race in an effort to still pull together my goal, but it didn’t happen.  I still loved this new race, I feel like I definitely learned from it (yes one thing being that a 2 week sickness prior to a half marathon (clearly this was not an actual taper) does not work well for my body!! I did not qualify for NYC marathon, (but I WILL.).

Somehow, this race kicked me in the ass- my calves were super sore and I knew that even DURING the race.  The weird thing was that when I traveled home, it wasn’t my calves, but my hamstrings and hip that were KILLING me, and… long story short:  I did’t run for 2 months.  I tried.  I came home literally in tears.  My leg did not WORK.  It wasn’t just sore.  I couldn’t move it.  I couldn’t run.  I would get to the next driveway and be all funky and couldn’t even figure out how to land on my foot- the whole nerve down to my foot was just pissed off and not working. 

This taught me a bit.

I hadn’t been hydrating well.  I hadn’t been taking care of my muscles in a way that an athlete would.  If I am going to go for big goals, I need to hydrate, roll, take care of things in a deeper way that addresses the fact that I’ve got some underlying body “issues.”

And I WILL.  I already have a bit of a new daily plan and am working to keep at it and hydrate, and continue an anti-inflammatory diet, and do all the “non trainining- training things”!  does that make sense?  It’s like I can do the workouts, the physical training, the strength, but if my tissues, body, muscles aren’t overall healthy, it won’t result in success.

So, this is kind of my year in review of RACING.  Of course, that is not my whole me.

I am also doing this separately for work, family, life, and various categories of goals and intentions that I have for myself.  I am thankful that I feel I am in a place of balance with going only in hard in some categories as what allows me to maintain goals and expectations of myself in other “categories”.  Life is always pulling, and I want to make sure I live in alignment with my values.

Monday, December 12, 2022



I ran Amelia Island ½ in October, and somehow during? After?  I got injured?

My good hamstring and hip became UNUSABLE.  I could not fire the leg, something on the nerve? The hamstring was just totally stuck and the line down the leg was unusable, I literally couldn’t run- pain, but also because it was like “funny running” like Phoebe on friends running.  I couldn’t get my body to go.

It has been 6 weeks.  I’m frustrated (but at the point I can see a glimmer of hope I think?)

But, I always think there are lessons learned.

I go back to try to discern WTF happened? I was really super fit a month before the race – aiming for my goal of qualifying for NYC marathon with a fast ½ time.  Then, 3 weeks before race, I got sick and my taper turned into….. basically sickness.  I wondered, “well maybe we can see what a really LAZY taper will do?” like maybe it would be ok?  I had a week before the race where I tried to do some runs/intervals to kind of get back up on my feet and pretend that maybe this experiment would work?

I arrived at the race and really thought I may be ok?  I started strong and legs died.  I thought I would be sore and recover.  Instead, my sore calves turned into injured hamstrings and hips?  FOR 6 weeks?  MY GOSH. Seriously. I can understand like 2 weeks, but then let’s get back. But NO: I would go out and “try” to run and literally within 60 seconds my run gait was a NO GO- things were not FIRING on the left side of my body- my hamstring was just JACKED and my calf on that side was feeling like it was going to BLOW UP and my foot felt like it didn’t know oddly how to even land.  I knew I was only doing more damage.  I was completely halted; there was NO DOUBT I could not run.

I hated this.  I wanted to have a season of easy, joyful running with just nothing but ease and gratitude and kind of a lazy mindset!  Instead, I had to get back on my trainer a bunch and get in some biking hours, walking (although I even felt it walking), ugh. Just didn’t feel good.

I spent a lot of time trying to do the maintenance, TOO LATE.

So, I learned… AGAIN… my lesson of not just trying to get fast and fit.  But taking CARE of the HEALTH OF THE MUSCLE TISSUE.  Like you cannot be 100% at peak performance without being HEALTHY.  Without doing the basic maintenance of rolling, maybe getting deep into problematic areas, using trigger point balls, maybe getting massages regularly which I haven’t prioritized.  I had noticed a huge right/left difference between hip flexors this past fall and…. You know what?  I noticed it, but didn’t really INVEST IN IT.  I admit.  I noticed it so much- when I would be training people I would ALWAYS show/demo things on my other side and realized how much I was favoring that side.  I got GREEDY.  I was greedy going for speed without doing the basic accounting of my body.

My physical therapist 4 years ago when I had to stop for a bit because of my opposite hip, told me that I had to “race at the level I was at”… which was so humbling and true.  Because I KNEW… oops!!!  I literally remember being on a race course saying to myself, I will win this thing even if it is above my level and I will just MAKE IT HAPPEN by WILL.  Ugh. Dumb.  And I paid the price.  GREEDY.

So, my mantra after that has been, “don’t get greedy for speed.” Just do what is truly yours.

I also had 2 races this past year where afterwards (I even wrote about it in 2 previous blogs)--- the thing that was getting me was this LEFT hip which is my GOOD hip????  Hmmmm.. and so it finally stopped giving me HINTS and gave me a big SHOUT OUT! 

OK, so let’s just get this wrapped up.  I am back to “jogging” (good grief running is FREAKING HARD when you haven’t been doing it- I used to go out for 15 mile run and just love it and n ow- 5 miles?  WHOAAAAA… feeling it, mentally and physically).  I may be back to jogging, but it will come back unless I do some BIG WORK AND COMMITMENTS.

What will I do going forward.

*DAILY CORE :  I need to make sure I keep some tough workouts going daily.  My core class is hard and challenging and I participate (plus do it all in advance to plan) BUT… I need to do more ON MY OWN ABS that are at the level of me so I am paying attention to MY BODY, not to the class.

*Daily yoga with focus on:  TWISTS (I am like a rigid board in my back- always have been.)  I need to not push it, but daily do long easy twists once I’ve warmed.  Also: hip mobility, pigeon, some of my deeper favorites of low chair twist/ pigeon twist/ malasana with thoracic rotation.  And my NON FAVORITES:  such as eagle, (lunge twists), all the twists, reclining yin poses to RELEASE THINGS.

*ROLLING.  I need to roll hips/calves/quads and if I ever have the TV on, I better not have my ass planted on the couch.  I better have my muscles on the roller rolling.

*OUT LOUD:  hydration.  I truly believe this is part of it also.  It is my unhealthiest thing in THE WORLD.  I’m literally embarrassed.  I don’t drink water, I dislike it.  I try.  Every sip of water I take, it is intentional because I do NOT LIKE.  But I think this has negatively affected the health of my muscle tissue.  I’m learning.

I want to be back.

I want to be focused, in training, living my days as they give me HUGE JOY IN going after a GOAL!

I want to commit to the things I don’t love in order to DO THE THINGS I LOVE !!!

Sunday, November 13, 2022

When Things Don't Go To Plan.....


So, I’m writing this blog at the end of a racing/running season (for most).  More specifically, the day after a very difficult race for many- the Richmond marathon, which had very difficult hot and humid race conditions (at a time when the race can often be in the 20’s and 30’s).

This is a short post on....what I could write .... ohhhh so much more... maybe a book.

Sometimes I think the day AFTER the disappointment is the hardest.  Disappointments bring on so many other emotions: doubts, anger, frustration, shame, helplessness.  But as always, of course, it is because of these disappointments that we have our greatest ability to learn and rise.  That is so hard to taste the day after, though.

Let me backtrack first.  I must be honest.  I say and write these things because I know they are true.  But I am also someone who has and is spending all of my adult years so far truly trying to legitimately absorb this in my heart.  I have some major life failures that I spent far too long making a story about myself that these defined me.  They internally did, to some extent.  But I also worked a great deal to let them empower me in other ways.  I don’t mean to sound like this is easy, but it is worth the attention and work. 

This quote below from Maria Shriver touches me deeply.

There are many dreams that many of us will not achieve in our lifetime, but that doesn’t make us less than. It doesn’t make us a loser. We must widen our gaze and redefine what victory in defeat entails. We must pick words that inspire us forward. We must do the deep internal work of realizing that our worth comes not from a pundit or a snarky tweet or a moody boss or a parent trying to work out their own stuff in a messy way. It comes from God. It comes from within. It comes from us deciding we are worthy and enough. We can be victorious in the way we live our lives. ~Maria Shriver


Wow.  So, here we are.  The day after.  Yea, it’s a failure of the goal.  Let’s not say it isn’t. 

But it is not a big picture failure… unless we fail to find the successes and lessons. 

This is how we are empowered by these defeats.

So, what is the BIG PICTURE?

Were we BRAVE as anything to even THINK that we were worthy of our goals.  YES.

Did you show up EVERY DAY, darkest mornings, cold dreary mornings, hot muggy vacation runs, weary Wednesday hill runs doing the work.  Did you learn from the entirety of this season of work? And not just your body learning to push, but your mind learning what you were capable, growing in confidence, learning to feel intensities, to hold on, to push faster, to relax within the work, to soften to get stronger, to find your limits. 

Did you learn that rest and recovery does help this all become sustainable and progressive, week by week?

Were there lessons on patience, risk taking, backing off, balancing?  Were there lessons on swallowing frustration and keeping on?  Lessons on doing new things, different ways, fueling, adjusting and adapting.

I could go on and on.

It is always worth it.

We are always growing.

Every race, we are smarter, stronger, better.

Every training session, we are smarter, stronger, better.

If we are open to see.

As in most things, it may take some time, but there is always victory available within defeat.

Wednesday, October 19, 2022




It’s been a bit since I blogged.

This fall has been crazy.  Actually August through mid October= crazy.  Stress, sick, not feeling good, not sleeping (at all).  Some disasters happening, some miracles happening, good grief.  Living life.

I didn’t go on a getaway this past year, and I realized this spring that was just not smart.  I go too hard and need to exhale, then inhale.  And sometimes it takes a CUT to be away from the usual, routines, making (semi)dinners, barely juggling the balls…. And a bit of sunshine on the shoulders doesn’t hurt.  So I decided to do Amelia Island Half marathon- get away for a weekend in October and pray that there were no tropical storms in Florida. Luckily, I made it by 2 weeks and was on the opposite coast!

I typically END my training season at the end of August. (or when I was younger and more resilient in mid September!!)  So, this year was new to have an October race, and I was reminded why I do not like to do races in the fall.  Allergies just KNOCK me out and literally run me over.  I have been taking allergy medicine, but… still…. It isn’t me being lazy, I literally feel many/most days like I am carrying 4 tons on my back (and my eyelids). It is not conducive to giving my all, and it gets frustrating and then I make up stories and think, maybe I’m depressed.  Instead, I just simply have allergies.

ANYWAY:  I did my best and had great training going through the season…. Until 2 weeks before race day.  I had a week where I was sick- everyone in my house was getting sick, and I got some version of it, or maybe a light version but was so fighting it.  Had severe allergies where I had 3 days of literally no voice- just raspy air coming out, felt horrible…. Which then I think was the possible cause of an ear infection the WEEK OF RACE.  I lost hearing in one ear for 4 days, had to go on antibiotics, had a headache so severe one middle of the night that I thought I was going to have a stroke.   So…. Going into the half, I thought, well, I’ll either feel not fully trained, or maybe I can use this as a little experiment and see if maybe this type of taper of being COMPLETELY OFF MY LEGS works well for me?!!  I honestly though that maybe I could get lucky with it because on a normal week, I am usually on my legs for 12 hours, some of that being myself training, so by the end of the day and week my legs are just bottomed out.  I kept positive and was just looking forward to getting away.  But at the same time, I had MAJOR GUILT and feelings of selfishness.  Like, who am I?  who do I think I am just up and taking care of myself.  Serious feelings of me being selfish.

Ok, that went away honestly within 1.2 nanoseconds of arriving in Florida.  The sunshine on my shoulders was SO WARM, I could go on and on about the literal heavenly feeling of being able to FINALLY RELAX, but I’ll keep this about the race.  I’ll just say that I Haven’t even been able to relax in months, and it was noticeable to me that I was just at ease and calm.  I literally was like a freaking clown walking around with a smile.  I was just happy at birds, at dogs jumping in the waves of the ocean, of floating in the ocean myself!  Of every little thing! So thankful.

Back to race, here we go: race morning, I have 2 miles to get to start, so I walk the first mile just warming up legs and drinking coffee.  Found a construction bin to dump my coffee cup in and do an easy jog the rest of the way (have backpack on).  Feels easy and good to get into a jog.  I do my bag check, watch the sunrise, then do some pickups along the straight of the start.  This was my first ZOOMA race- all (except a few) women, many beginners, and it is just free to do your own thing- your own pace- many walkers, all just fun, women getting together (there was a yoga on the beach and walk the day before).  Very NICE.  So, they called “under 2 hour runners line up at the front”… so 2 hours isn’t like extraordinarily fast, but there were like 10 of us that went up there!  My goal was 1:42- this would qualify me for NYC marathon, which I keep not getting into via the lottery.  My training had me really RIGHT ON THE VERGE OF THIS… until 2 weeks ago at least… but again, who knows- we show up and arrive with that electric feeling at the start line- no one knowing what their body has in store for them that day.  Here we are.  Nothing more, nothing less.  (I love saying that).  Anyway, so race STARTS.  There were like 5 women blasting off ahead of me and I’m in no rush and trying to not be stupid first mile, but also trying to not be slow the first mile.  This is a flat area, so I knew it wouldn’t be like running in reston.  First mile:  effort feels like I am 7.5/10- running strong, but not hard.  7:20.  I didn’t really want to be that fast first mile, but I knew the effort felt right.  I wanted to def. not go any faster than that the 2nd mile as my mental plan was first 4 just start solid strong and smart.  So, 2nd mile we went through some neighborhoods which were lined with beautiful trees.  I made sure to look around a little and enjoy the neighborhoods and explore, and be relaxed but hold my pace.  Felt 7.5 effort.  7:13. 3rd mile we go through the town and I’m trying to look around a little- we have some brick crosswalks to run over which I hate, all I need is to have a little ankle turn, but I’m watching and careful, it is starting to get pretty humid in the sun.  We go by the water by the intercoastal and it’s beautiful with lots of boats and I hadn’t seen this area.  Then there is a railroad crossing so again I’m trying to be careful with my foot placement somewhat.  Feel steady.  7:26.  Good – wanted to be trying to clock in some steady 7:30’s so this was closer.  4th mile same thing, really felt like I was easing in here, with it almost feeling more comfortable now that it wasn’t the initial miles and I felt on top of what I was doing 7:28.  We then come to a turn, I almost couldn’t see it because the sun was in my eyes and I decided to not wear sunglasses for this race (literally I’m not sure exactly why- I wear sunglasses in EVERY race… but was trying to only pack one pair), so anyway, I was kind of irritated here because I couldn’t quite tell if there was a sign with an arrow and the volunteers were just standing there having a conversation with themselves.  So, I turn and whaattttt????????  It goes onto a grassy/muddy/dirt packed trail…. And I’m like I had NO IDEA we weren’t on roads the whole time?  I’m thinking, ok, maybe this is just like 1 min to connect us to another road?  Because this was not mentioned.  (and I had emailed the race director earlier in the week to ask for a current map course because online the only thing I could keep getting was the 2016 version of the course and I wasn’t sure if it had changed).  Anyway….. So, there weren’t many women at the front and I could just see someone up in front of me….. We come to a T intersection and there isn’t really a marker??????  She had stopped and was kind of shuffling around going, what direction??!!   Then we saw people coming BACK- so we were like ok THIS WAY!  Well, at the same time I’m thinking… WE ARE IN FLORIDA AND THERE IS A CREEK BESIDES US AND NOT A LOT OF places to ZIGZAG if some chomper alligator comes out of there.  I’m not thrilled.  AT ALL.  I like roads.  I am not highly adventurous.  I’ll push myself to my max, but I do not like to risk being eaten and consumed by a reptile.  ALSO:  I had a major debate within my head for like 2 weeks before the race as to which of my current run shoes- I have altras which are more minimalist/ light and fast.  OR my heavier saucony run shoes which are definitely nearing the end of their mileage life.. (possibly PAST)…. But after I weighed it back and forth, I thought, it’s a race- go aggressive, wear the altras.. I would NOT have worn altras had I known we would be not on roads the entire time!!!  ANYWAY.

Needless to say we were on these trails (NEAR ALLIGATORS NO DOUBT) for around 3 miles.  We saw the girls coming the other way and one of them made a wrong turn onto the WRONG SIDE OF THE CREEK- the first place woman yelled at her to let her know…. So me and the girl in front of me knew that we had to keep our eyes open.  We couldn’t see anyone in front of us at one point and we came to a wide clearing.  There had been an arrow to go left at the beginning but at the other side were two options and NEITHER were marked.  Ugh. I was like please don’t make me do extra miles on this trail.  Luckily we went the correct way, although we honestly didn’t KNOW this until like a mile further when we went back onto the main road.  Never been so happy to see asphalt and houses and decreased chance of reptiles.

Mile 5:7:34, mile 6: 7:55, mile 7: 8:14.  I knew I had been slowing down, definitely due to trails and also the start of my legs and CALVES feeling like they were getting tight.  I was already taking in some stingers/water from the flask I carried.

Once we were on the roads again I knew I really wanted to find a bathroom.  (not wanted. Needed).  I WAS FAST.  But still took me maybe 30 seconds.  Mile 8: 8:30.  At this point I knew that mile split wasn’t the direction I wanted to go, but I actually thought maybe I’d start feeling better after taking maybe 30 seconds in the bathroom. 

We were supposed to be entering Fort Clinch State Park, and I was waiting to see a sign, but we were just on a regular road.  I felt like maybe I actually HADN’T looked at the race map?  But I knew I studied it.  Anyway, I didn’t know where the park was going to begin now, and we go up and over this big bridge over a marine- very pretty but I really started to DECLINE around this time- not knowing where we were, if I was in the correct race since this didn’t seem to be the map I had looked at?!  And just LEGS LEGS LEGS!  I knew I was slowing.  It was also in this mile that we began to pass the walkers for the 12 K course.  So, I love that they have an event for walkers, but I really was not loving that there would be groups of like 5-6 women spread out across the road, so I was now trying to weave in and out of walkers, and I wish that there had been an “inside lane” haha… for faster runners.  (see how my attitude was going now?  Started getting irritable here?)  Mile 9 8:03.

Finally we entered the park – we have 3 miles left and I’m thinking I am declining, although now writing this down, I see that I really wasn’t that far off still.  Yes, I had some splits in the wrong direction, but I was really holding my effort strong despite my legs being dead.  Mile 10 8:22. 

With 2 miles left, this was my hardest mile- physically and mentally.  I was frustrated and felt like crap and OH MY GOSH I WANTED TO WALK.  I did.  I wanted to walk.  It took everything of me to not walk.  I said to myself, YOU WILL NOT WALK.  Walking NEVER GOT SOMEONE THROUGH IT FASTER.  And I wanted to get done, even if it wasn’t my goal time.   Mile 11:  8:36

Mile 12:  more just honestly suffering.  Breathing fine.  Was hot and humid, but I was fine.  This was all legs.  All legs.  Killing me.  Like 9.9/10 done.  I think I ran this mile with my arms.  Mile 12: 8:46. Ughhhh… so I was officially out/ no way to get my goal time, BUT it wasn’t terrible and I thought ONE MILE GO GO GO.  So, I did, I tried my best.  I actually felt BETTER on this last mile but it wasn’t really reflected in the time too much with 8:39 but it was literally ALL I COULD MUSTER.  (I actually wonder if that mile was off because I was definitely picking up the pace, either way) I FINISHED AND THE OCEAN WAS RIGHT THERE AND I literally got my bag, ran to change into swimsuit and jogged down to the beach (yes, I was able to jog a little here- soft sand on my feet) and I just ran into the waves….. All is good.

I am more committed now than before to get this time.  Shamrock ½ marathon in March 2023- I’m going to make this my goal.  Moving on.  100% happy I did Amelia ½.  I love seeing new places, meeting new people, being in the environment that is all about finding and pushing limits. (1:45:23)

Monday, September 5, 2022

ROOT CHAKRA- beginning of fall yoga series



We start our journey through the chakras at first chakra, the root chakra.  This is the energy center located in the pelvis, and has to do with how you relate to your physical body and feelings of being settled and grounded and at home in our body.

This is the chakra and balance center of feeling safe and secure without fear.

I found it interesting as I started reviewing chakras for the fall season as I Knew that I wanted to go through week by week some chakra focus.  I had taken a week off of work and some day trips and time to relax and restore some energy at the end of the summer.  I expected this week to be such a relief and renewal, and instead I was completely unsettled, felt ungrounded, worried, not in a good place of being able to be where I am.  I felt guilty when I was away for a night, I didn’t feel like I had a right to be taking this time away, I was finding myself focused on the if’s of the future and the worries of my spiraling mental chatter. 

When I began reviewing the root chakra, I realized THIS IS IT!  I am so non rooted feeling right now, so this particularly spoke to me as something I really am spending time on this week is settling.

It has always been a challenge for me to first realize years ago, and continuously remind myself, to not apologize, that I have the right to take up space, the right to be fully in my body, and I like to say this in my yoga classes, the right to get big- to expand with breath- that is our body’s full right!  It is hard for me, and I am clearly in a time of honestly needing to balance myself here.

Some good yoga positions for this root chakra are any that we feel and notice ourself surrendering to gravity and feeling the solid, safe earth holding us up. 

*seated half lotus or cross leg position is a great place to start so that we feel our sit bones connecting with the ground, CHILD’s pose as well could be a great place to come to daily this week.

*mountain position is a great place and position to take that connection with the ground into the reality of our standing posture, and allow ourself to be both rooted in our feet, but rising through our whole space of our body.

*we are doing warrior 2’s and extended angle position this week as a way to also be firm in the foot foundation WHILE opening up hips and our whole space—Warrior 2 is a place to get both wide and tall :  wide through hips and ribs and shoulders and tall through our spine (core engages every time we think of getting tall).

*lizard is another nice root chakra position because it is after some work of opening our hips while we are low to the ground, hands can also be connected to the earth.

As we have a focus each week on the ascending chakras during our classes, if you want to spend some time daily breathing into these spaces in the body with intention, doing some of these poses with an awareness of grounding this week, it may guide you to a few extra stretches/positions during the week to go to.  As we connect to the earth in our root chakra, each day this week, spend some time outdoors, even doing a slow meditative walk, or just simply notice your body being in connection with nature.

Sunday, August 21, 2022



So, maybe you’ve read my pre race thoughts of “nothing more, nothing less”….. and my mind set goals going into my favorite triathlon of the year. 

Well, my intentions were there.

I went to bed early, and….. could not sleep.

Various things going on as to why and why my mind was not in a good place and I had all emotions that began raging out of control.  I was angry at some things, worried, and mentally began going through the race/ trying to imagine a way it could go well, and I just couldn’t do it in my head.  I switched sleeping locations maybe 10x.  It didn’t work.

*Sorry for TMI, but I had just gotten my period and I knew I usually feel terrible day 2 and did not know the LOGISTICS of how I was going to actually even make this race work with having my period. Ugh.

So, I began making up this story that maybe I shouldn’t even do it.  I went back and forth.  Literally.  The ENTIRE NIGHT.  I slept zero.

In the morning, (3:30AM, had to leave at 4), I began getting ready, the entire time self talking that I didn’t know if I was even going.  I didn’t know if I should/ could/ all the things were happening in my mind.  I still got ready, I dind’t know why I couldn’t just make a decision.  I put my bike on the back of car, still not sure.  Then I went and decided I couldn’t wear the swimsuit I was wearing.  I’ve worn it before, but it’s never been my exact favorite fit, and all of a sudden I just decided I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t be so uncomfortable with the back of the suit so high across my upper back/ I felt like it was digging into my under arms/lats and I hated that I could feel it pushing on my skin, not only feeling annoying, but looking terrible in my mind.  So, now I am at 3:55 in a rage trying to find another swim suit (not just swim suit but one that was for tris).  This is really not how I rumble before a race, I never CHANGE my idea on what I’m wearing to race in the morning of, OMGOSH.

OK, so got a swimsuit and got in car.  I’m doing it.  At this point, a few other female logistical things were weighing on me and bringing me to a panic, but within 20 min, I’m at least back to breathing easy and solid that I’m going.  I’m doing this.  I cannot believe I spent the entire night waffling on if I’m even doing the race.  I decide to just go and HAVE FUN.  Maybe I had been overthinking my “race plan” and should have just been all out to have fun from the get go?

Arriving at the race site, I step out and am near shocked at how COLD IT IS IN THE MOUNTAINS.  The grass is soaked and in my flip flops, my feet are just frozen.  I get race number and timing chip and set up bike in transition and begin my 1000 trips to bathroom.  As always.  So frustrating.  Luckily, I didn’t have any GI distress in the race itself.

Swim:  Started steady and really remained within where I wanted to be pace and intensity wise.  This is the BEST swim ever if you are ever considering an open water swim event.  The lake is smooth, easy, beautiful.  People were spread out and not an issue at all except for ONE situation at the turn to the 2nd loop:  a guy I knew I was passing from an earlier wave apparently decided to use me as a dock and was pushing me DOWNWARDS, hands on back and just kept doing it.  I know bumps and hits happen, but this was like someone trying to push me down and repeatedly drown me.  After a bit, I took my hand, and literally somehow with my adrenaline running grabbed his arm or body I am not even sure and threw him over in the water/ off of me.  I may have yelled something as well (I did), I had zero control over what I was doing, I was trying to not drown… and then after I threw him away, I just got back into my swim because I didn’t want him near me anymore and tried to calm down for the 2nd loop.  I ended strong and feeling good about my swim overall.

Bike: I wanted to go strong and I feel like I did the entire time push my pace appropriately.  I had.. AGAIN… a right/left leg discrepancy which I now am COMMITTED to find out what is going on.  My right hip/hamstring is my problematic side.  In 3 races now, on the bike, my LEFT leg/hip/hamstring feels like it is cramping/ tightening/ doing an entirely different work than my right side.  I am trying to push equally, but something is feeling wrong on my left side.  To the point that I’m completely limited by about cramping up on my left side, I'm AT that line of it making me stop if I do more, so need to be careful and listen to it. But I just cannot figure it out right now.  I will be though.  I finished with 19 mph average, and completely went as much as I worked for, stayed focus, strong and smart.

The hills were challenging, but I kept mentally strong, not letting them make me feel that I wasn’t still pushing even obviously when my pace was slower on the hills.

RUN: I had it planned to stop in the port o pot after T2 due to my female issues and I did and just was very fast of 30 seconds and OFF to the run.  First mile, I felt strong, even with the transition.  2nd mile, my pace was 7:55, and I wanted to KEEP that exact INTENSITY (pace if possible, but I knew mile 3 was much more uphill).  So, I used that pace to keep it back to the turnaround.  Mile 3 was slower with the hills, but I knew I had done the work with committing to not give up for one second.  I was happy to start the 2nd loop and maybe see if I could begin to push it a bit more.  Mile 4 was fast again as that first mile is a bit more downhill and then I knew I have 1 more to push and then FINAL MILE.  I love this distance to really just break up the miles and if you go faster, in a way, it’s almost easier to let them clock by!  There were various paces out there and I loved being able to pass people.  I had one guy who was really keeping a solid pace in front of me for most of the race and then I passed him at mile 4.5- it does get really hard the last 1.5 miles with heat and hills, but I knew this was the end and to just hang in step by step, there is no sense in recovering BEFORE the finish line, right?!  So I did push ALL THE FREAKING WAY to the end.  There is like 200 yards before finish where it is downhill to the finish line so I did try to use that to get any extra seconds I could!

32:28 (1500m)








1:20:37 (41km)









50:01 (10km)







THIS WAS MY 11th LURAY!   Not my fastest, but i am 100% thrilled with my race!

Saturday, August 20, 2022

Pre- LURAY 2022: Nothing more, Nothing Less.



Here we are, another year.

I went back yesterday to read my race write up from last years Luray race and am BLOWN AWAY by what I wrote as the pre-race feelings. 

I was nervous, but most of all, I had had a week where I Had been feeling TERRIBLE.  And here we are again.  A week ago, I felt so bad I had to cancel classes for a day, and since then, I’m better like “functioning” but just don’t feel good/on/ I’m super tired, definitely something allergy going on because my voice is sometimes barely there, but also my body is off: EVERYWHERE.

My neck is off/ left hip/left low back, right upper ribs, my left FOOT has been giving me the first signs of plantar fasciitis, so I”ve been for the first time icing my foot and trying to take care of that.  Everything is hurting, off and again, I’m TIRED.  I’m taking a week off next week, but leading into Luray, it strikes me how similar I felt to last year, and leading me to ask some questions.  (Was my training too much over the summer (not that my actual training was too much, but in addition to all of the physicality of my days and just energy that I use up daily basis in my work maybe that was too much; maybe allergies I really need to figure out and get a preventative plan?)

ANYWAY:  RACE IS TOMORROW.  I will be there.

I’ve done some mental prep work and trying to get last minute things together today, water bottles, flasks, food packed, transition stuff, tires pumped, bike is cleaned etc.

My mental plan:

SWIM:  I always get nervous for the swim, but I just want to go out and be solid and strong.  The thing I hate is when I get that first bit of discrepancy in oxygen to my body/ being horizontal and I get a little tingly or panicky--- so I practiced that in the pool this week—forcing myself into that physical and mental state and then easing off a few strokes, calming and then re-entering the work at race pace.  I know how to recover from these episodes and so I have confidence that even if that happens, I know how to deal with it and continue.  I am hoping my sighting goes well so I don’t take unnecessary time.

BIKE:  I didn’t feel super strong last year and I hope to hop on the bike and begin CRUSHING IT nearly immediately.  It is 25 miles- I’ll take a mile of settling in, then I intend to RACE the rest to my ability and feel AGGRESSIVE.  I didn’t enjoy the feeling last year of being tentative kind of?  Just not myself on the bike.

RUN:  last year I really pushed hard physically and mentally. My run time was 49:27 last year and I remember I really did do my best.  I’d like to get that time again.. obviously faster is better- but as close to that time. 


I say this all the time in yoga—we don’t need to be who we aren’t, but we need to be all that we are.

When I am out there, I can’t force myself to places I cannot go/ am not at the level of, but I can be fully present and eeking out every little bit that I do have available of myself!

Someone recently asked me if this was my “A” race.  It’s hard to honestly say anymore.  Yes, I’ve been training with my eyes on both THIS and next weekend at Annapolis 10Miler.  And they are kinda both an “A” race.   But I almost don’t like to think completely in terms of A races anymore, because – I feel like over the years, I’ve shifted towards my triathlon/race goals being much more meshed into my life and my reality, rather than trying to BULLDOZE FIERCELY and too tightly through life.  I have goals, and I do all that I can to make them a reality, but also – not at the expense of a balance and joy in my days.  I train hard and well, but I no longer am willing to put my training as this rigid HIGHEST TIER of my days.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still get it in, even when I don’t want to, BUT…. There is less urgency, less tightness of times and must-do’s and I’m more willing to listen to the restrictions of my body and back off when I need to.  (In essence, maybe this makes my training BETTER even…..) but it is just maybe myself accepting limitations and just truly being all that I am, but not needing to be more than I am.



Sunday, July 24, 2022

LIFE LESSONS on the road.




So, I got up early today to get on my bike and get on the trail and OUT/past people because I know the trail can get busy early weekend mornings and well… I don’t like to be slowed down too much on my bike😊  Plus, it was supposed to be super hot, so I thought I could get more intensity in before the heat started pushing down on me too much.

So, I get less than 5 miles out on the W and OD and I see a cyclist up in front of me, he’s sitting up in the saddle and it appears that he is maybe typing something on his phone.  And I notice in front of him is an older couple taking a walk on the trail.  I’m watching thinking SURELY THIS DUDE WILL LOOK UP???!!  And he is getting closer and closer and I’m like he’s gonna hit them, so I yell out “HEADS UP”!!!  He swerves, misses them, and carries on sitting upright maybe still typing.

I go to pass him, and call out “on your left”.  He stays flat out on the center line, and even slightly LEFT of it. (no one is at all on the right side of him, but I’m not going to pass on the wrong side because that is when things get dangerous).

So, I call out again, and I yell it, there is no mistaking that my voice is audible to him.  He doesn’t move.

A third time I call out and just go ahead and pass him, and mention as I pass him that he almost hit two people back there.

Well, so then we get to an intersection and he says something to me that I couldn’t hear.  We are waiting and so I question him, I asked him to repeat it.  Apparently he didn’t hear what I had said to him as I passed, and since he is acting all asshole-y to me, I let him know that he almost ran into two people while he was not looking up, and that THEN, he could have moved over when I yelled out THREE TIMES on your left.  Then, we are at the intersection and I’m pissed but I do NOT feel completely safe with him being BEHIND me… so as the light turns, I finish with, “Now I’m going to let you go ahead”….

(It didn’t actually end there, but that was the big part of it and so I’m like 15 minutes into my ride, which was a BEAUTIFUL MORNING and I’m like irritated, (also a little scared because then he pulled over, said some nasty things as I passed him and now I don’t want him to be behind me as I get out into less populated areas.)  But I find myself RUMINATING over this scene.  Ruminating.  Wondering if I was wrong to address it, and also just flat out pissed that some people are like this and don’t think of others.  And I’m getting pissed at myself because of these bad feelings inside.  Feelings of annoyance and negativity, but also, I realize that I’m like not letting it go.  (letting it go…. Something I work on….. ewwwwww it is not my strong suit to let things go).

Anyway, so that is when it hit me:  THIS IS MY LESSON today.

I firmly believe that we can gain so much from the life lessons that training, racing, being awake and aware in life offer.  When I did a full IRONMAN, when I do marathons, when I do shorter/faster races—there are ALWAYS LESSONS.  Lessons I didn’t even know I needed.  Lessons on race day, but lessons DURING THE TRAINING.  Lessons on waking up and getting my butt out there when I do NOT feel like I want to, lessons on realizing I am maybe scared of something in my training, realizations where I am able to connect that my tendency in life is maybe something I find along the way in my training or racing.  Lessons on being in the moment.  And on and on.

Well, so this was my lesson today, something that I am always working on anyway---- it is so easy to overfocus on the negative.  These negative things just STAND OUT to us, at least me😊  There can sometimes be like 4 great things that happen, and then the 1 negative and I just all of a sudden don’t even CONSIDER the good things!  I’m all into the ruminating of the negative, making that stand out, making that be my story. Ugh.

So, while I biked for a little (I was going moderate intensity so not needing to fully push and focus here!), I reminded myself of already like 5 good things that had happened in my ride- I had seen someone I know and it was so great to see him out running strong and smiling so early in the morning, I had passed a few people who- with just little connections had smiled and shared a look of acknowledgement ,etc.  I had passed a bunny hopping along the side of the trail.  All of these things that had already made me smile!  So, I tried to give those the recognition and attention where I wanted to be spending my time- on the positive.

It is not as if I believe or expect every training session, every day, to provide some miraculous life changing realization.  But, I do believe that there is so much we can be awake to in our movement, in our journey and paths.  While teaching a yoga practice last week, I was reminding us to not just be in a position with our bodies, but our minds, our attitudes, our open awareness to what we needed from that position, what our bodies felt in that position.  (As an aside- this is really the BEST THING to ask a kids yoga class, I have found—we will do a position and I ask what does this feel like in your body?  And they have the best answers- they say they feel “free” “playful” “happy” in various positions- isn’t this so cool???!)

So, as we begin a week, I thought I’d share this and maybe we can even set as an intention to try to see 4-5 positive and great things for every 1 negative experience that we might have a tendency to ruminate or focus on…. (and maybe we can not be on our phones while riding our bikes, ahem….)

Wednesday, June 15, 2022




#13 Eagleman.

I did it, I finished.  That was the goal and I that is what I did. I finished, and I finished well.

(Let it settle that I don’t aim to do things “well”.  I usually have great as a goal, so we will get more to that in a minute).

So, my last Eagleman was in 2018 and I walked off the run course and just didn’t finish, did not have it in my heart to even try.  There were mental and physical reasons and I think I honestly made the right choice for me in 2018 by dnf’ing.  And then taking time off of Eagleman.  I promised myself I would NOT sign up in 2019 and then of course came covid.

So, it has been since 2017 since I have finished Eagleman, and that is a long time of not doing this distance.  It was GOOD to get back to it this year.

That being said, I’m going to back up.  I didn’t know if I should register- for covid reasons I was nervous but I also remember how I Just lost “heart” the last time and didn’t want to get there mentally.

I decided to sign up for a marathon in March and then do this in June as 2 goals kind of step-stoning on each other.  I think that worked well to get me back into this long course tri thing again.  After the marathon, I got back to pool once a week and ENJOYED IT!  And since I had been on my feet for hours, being on my bike for longer and longer amount of times didn’t feel too bad mentally as I was just really enjoying the new-ness of it all and even if it was just once/week going longer on my bike, I let myself enjoy that time out!  I really had about 8 weeks of being on my bike, so it wasn’t what I used to do for Eagleman training- which was a FIERCE BEGINNING ON JAN 1st.  I was then going ALL OUT training, and for this, I didn’t want myself mentally to put that much pressure on myself.

Morning of Eagleman had some snafus with me waking up to my car with literally all 4 windows all the way down and sunroof open.  (which I did not leave it like- that is a story for another day), it rattled me then I got back into my headspace and got to race.

Swim:  It wasn’t yet raining and I was thankful to not have lightning/thunder issues, although I was not a fan of the “seed yourself” and go 3 at a time every 4 seconds.  I have a definite dislike to that- not only personally, but I don’t think it is good for crowd control or the safer way AT ALL.  It was a rough and aggressive swim.  Many green caps (MEN…) being aggressive/ not somehow being able to sight/ going zig zag, ugh.  I really wanted to be done with it and was very glad to be seeing the final red buoy to turn.  I really had no idea how I was doing because I was just tired of fighting for some of my space in the water, but I Just tried to stay unaffected and get out.  When I got to my feet and looked down, it was 35 minutes which I was 100% happy with.  I would have been fine with literally 40 minutes, so this was a bonus.

RAIN happening right away, on land, ugh.

Got on bike and knew right away:  #1 priority is SAFETY on wet roads.  I sometimes push literally 9.9/10 on the bike, I do like to get gritty and muscle/power my way through.  Not ever on wet roads though with oodles of people around.  So, I was especially first 5-6 miles with lots of turns and crowds super conservative.  Once I got into the bigger spaces of roads, and the rain and winds intensifying I found my forearms slipping on my wet soaked aerobar pads.  *it reminded me of bootcampers saying their forearms were slipping during planks!  So, I just tried to hold on and feel secure on my bike. I had a focus of also trying to remind myself to drink and begin to take in some calories even though I didn’t really want to lift a hand off of my bike to do that in the wet conditions.  First 20 miles was “fine.” 20 mph. this is slow for me on this course.  But again, it was kind of just what it was.  Mile 20-30, I was feeling my left hamstring doing something odd.  Left side for me isn’t normally problematic so I was like, hmmmm….just something to notice.  Mile 30, I knew I needed to get in some calories, I don’t like to do too much after mile 40 of foods.  So I was doing bonk bar bites plus water.  From 30-40, I definitely had a major issue come up.  All of a sudden- left hamstring was no longer an issue, it was BOTH INNER THIGHS, GROIN, but it wasn’t a subtle feeling, it was like, 9/10 something is OFF.  I initially thought maybe my swim suit was like pushing on some nerve that was like inhibiting my hip flexor inner thigh?  And I could barely pedal.  I’ve had this happen AT EAGLEMAN years ago as well.  The year that it happened long ago, I actually had to pull to the side because I couldn’t pedal.  (I always thought back to that year thinking- was that when I tore my labrum?) So, I was concerned that maybe I Was tearing my hips somehow?  But I was so uncomfortable where the edges of my swimsuit were pressing/ couldn’t get comfortable in my saddle and never had this happen before with swim suit (I had on swim suit plus bike shorts over it).  I actually reached down the pants to try to move my swim suit sideways a bit to see if I could get off of a nerve if that was it?  I don’t know what happened, but we did get a tailwind at like mile 40 that I was SO THANKFUL FOR, and it helped that there weren’t crosswinds.  I still don’t know what the inner thigh issue was, a main cause I am wondering is if because I was maybe gripping with my inner thighs since I felt like I was sliding off my forearm connection to aerobars?  Like maybe I was just holding all those muscles super tight and they just locked up?  (either way- the day after, I can barely walk bc inner thighs are screaming at me).

As we come to transition, I think, how am I going to run 13 miles.  It is for me a mental thing I think, to be like I got this HUGE bike ride done, but Now I have something else HUGE to do.  Plus zero leg function it felt like.  I NEVER do this, but got off my bike and just walked it through transition.  I don’t do that, I am FAST in transition.  Not today.  In facte I leaned my bike against a port a pot and went to pee,.  And then continued walking.  Felt kinda weird.  Typically I think I”d be embarrassed by that but n ot today.

Got my run shoes on and again, I kinda walked through transition.  Now I was maybe slightly embarrassed so I started this little shuffle (because this is where people are cheering/ cowbells and I am looking like a lazy bum walking).  So I was able to shuffle!  So that was great because I honestly didn’t know if I could.  Then it turned kind of into a nice little jog!  Sooooooo thankful!

My run mindset was:  first 4 miles is like a “chunk.”  So I was not to think of anything except the first 4 miles.  Within that first 4 miles, it went from ok that I was jogging to feeling actually kind of good!  Except I did have to stop at like mile 3 to go to the bathroom.  In my mind I was like, OK, got that done..

When I got to 4 miles, my plan was “4-8 miles is next chunk.”  Well, that was all good except those miles were HARD.  I didn’t try to go faster, just maintain what was at least decent effort (not fast, but just running). But.. I also had to go to the bathroom again at mile 6 AND 8.  I had felt a little like I was going to throw up each of those times, I definitely needed those bathrooms and was so thankful they were regularly there at the mile markers.  I was SUPER fast in and out of them, but, that being said, it was at least probably 40 seconds-60 seconds.

Mile 8-10 was another segment.  I knew when I got to mile 10 I was on the countdown just mile by mile to the finish.

Mile 8-10 was the hardest segment energy wise.  I was low energy, feeling like I was slowing down.  I had been taking in alternating pepsi and red bull at the alternating aid stations and then supplementing that with water that I Was carrying.  I did have some stinger blocks as well and needed a few of those, but not as many as I am used to.  I think I was just relying on the sips of pepsi/red bull.  A few times I really could tell that those things kicked in and helped give me a boost of energy. To get me to mile 10, I told myself maybe I could walk 30-60 seconds at mile 10 before the 3 mile push to end.  However, before 10, I had another episode, this probably worst GI of the race and definitely started to worry about what the heck my stomach was doing. BUT after I left the port o pot- luckily it didn’t linger- that was the saving grace- it was like bad stomach, but then after going to the bathroom I was up and good to run.  At mile 11 I took 30 seconds to walk and then I knew it was running it all the way in.  There were tons of people on the run course which was actually HELPFUL.  The run course has been changed so it is now 2 loops beginning about ¾ mile from start to finish, so you have people who are on their first and second loop out there.  Lots of people to see.  I have done Eagleman previously where the run is so far out and back and a DEATH MARCH OF HEAT.  I honestly laughed quickly 2x during the run this year when I couldn’t believe I was COLD.  Yes I was cold, had goosebumps.  (I’m also weird, so there is that).  I was constantly conscious that this lack of oppressive heat was an actual GIFT at this point.  And may never happen again. To do Eagleman without 90+degrees and sun scorching your soul is literally laughable.  I always try to remind myself of the blessings at the time:  I wasn’t dying of heat.  In the times my stomach was OK, my GI system was not in demise.  I didn’t have blisters.  My legs were ok it was just my energy.  The volunteers were amazing.  The other runners were so strong.  Everyone was out there: DOING THEIR THING.  Literally, this is where it is the ESSENCE OF THE RACE.  Everyone in competitition with oneself!  Truly doing all they can at that time. I did notice some people back and forth that looked happy and at ease (relatively).  I strived to channel some of that inner joy and “ease”.  I saw (slight gag) a couple – one on the way out one on the way back- stop to check on each other and have a lil smooch in middle of the road.  Still processing what I think of that and that is just NOT MY CUP OF TEA, but good for them.  Literally everyone was just FINDING WHAT THEY ARE MADE OF.  AND THAT IS MY CUP OF TEA.

And, so I finished.

And, so I have now had 24 hours to finish and figure out what this all meant to me.

I used to have a big mental focus and fierce hold on my goals.  This year it was lightly held and “it is what it is.”  I thought maybe when I finished this race that I would think- ok, now I could end Eagleman without it being a DNF- I finished, I persevered, I fought and I found what I was made of again.  But… even within an hour or two.  I don’t know that I am done fighting.  I love the essence. Literally, I love the shitty shit part where you scrape your inner inners.  Your soul is scraped.  Your heart is pissed at you and exhilarated at the same time.   Ahhhh CRAP.  I am so sucked into this stuff.  I love the training, and then I love the racing- even when it is rainy, cold and not even FUN.  I love the humanity.  What I learn about myself, about where I am in my stages, what it means to me, what my values are, where my heart is.

As the time goes on, I struggle a bit with how to reconcile this race in m­y head and heart.  Finishing was obviously good, but of course… OF COURSE…. I fall into the trap of wanting to be better/faster/ more fit.  I Have to remember, in all honesty, I trained really for this actual result.  I didn’t train to be FIERCE as I used to race.  I trained to come back and finish.  My days were not full force focused on Eagleman for 6 months, as I used to really set my sights on this as my REASON, A RACE, #1 priority.  So, it is a question I need to settle on—am I okay with finishing this way, or do I want more, and am I willing to do that work?  When I think of it logically, I am kind of happy with the balance and effort I put in to my training.  I trained enough to do this big event and finish without injury, all while being pretty balanced in life and being able to do other things that mean a lot to me, including be restful and SEATED at times😊!

I do feel this lingering “pang” of anxiety, or unsettled itchiness, of still needing to let this settle and be good to myself, which I know it will.  All in all, isn’t this one of the main reasons we race- to learn about ourselves, to ask questions and be curious if we are living in alignment with our values, doing what we ask of ourselves, whether that means attack something full force intensity, or maybe learn to practice being okay with being more moderate.  (I’ve never been awesome at moderate).  So, I think I’m in a good place, happy that I completed an Eagleman.  I won’t be there next year- I know it’ll be too much with Phoebe graduating and I don’t want to take anything away from that for my family with me being too busy, or myself, with myself just having the time to enjoy the landmark of that excitement to come.  But I do have some other big goals on the radar for that year already which will fit in nicely to the big plan.