Injuries… Everything has a reason.
So late June of this year, I re”tweaked” my hamstring and
hip. In fact, it wasn’t really a tweak. It was a full blown shit show. I thought maybe a week of extra stretching to
“release” it would work. Or, maybe
backing off mileage even to 50% may help.
But no- by the end of summer, I hadn’t run a huge amount going into
Nationals and didn’t even know if I could even finish the race because of my
run segment. That sucked. (I did finish,
thanks to a massive helping or two of anti inflammatory prescription).
I finished the season and I knew I was DONE. In fact, I had been
planning on being done. In a way, I couldn’t wait on “being done.” I hurt so bad.
I couldn’t drive 5 minutes down the road without being in major
pain in the car. From sitting. I couldn’t move around in LIFE without pain,
and frankly was SO DAMN SICK OF PAIN. I have become all too familiar with
physical pain, and how it wreaks havoc on every aspect of life: your tolerance
for other annoyances, unexpected things coming in at you, the ability to
breathe fully. Good grief.
In addition to the pain level, before my running backed off,
I had been having some time on my runs where I frankly just “CRAVED” stopping
and walking. How luxurious it felt,
peaceful, calm, nurturing to my body, heart and soul. So, all in all…. (especially with the
addition of two puppies much in need of walking), I was ready for my time off/
time to heal starting mid to late August.
I committed to : no running, no biking, only walking, swimming only with
a pull buoy after warm up and nothing to aggravate hamstring.
9-10 weeks later, here I am.
I have begun running in the past 2 weeks- JUST JOGGING, low
intensity. Low intensity and OMG SLOWER
than I possibly have ever run. But I am
SO thankful to be moving. Some runs, I
jog the entire time thinking “I am
probably causing further damage because after 8 weeks of nothing, my hamstring
is barely better.” Other times—two times
recently after some active release with a new dr. I have begun working with, I
cannot help but SMILE and feel ultimate joy in being able to move decently. I see a GLIMMER OF HOPE, and for that I am so
thankful. I am not healed, I am not “back.” But I am MOVING a little bit!!!!!!
5 things about being injured that I have learned.. well, “re-learned”:
1.
Everything does happen for a reason. The “universe” speaks. Earlier this year, I
was wanting to walk on runs as if it was some sense of peacefulness I was
craving and not finding any longer while running. I would be out running, yet thinking about being
done with the session, back at work, doing the next thing. Not fully present. Not fully invested in what I was doing with
my time. And most of all, not finding a
full enjoyment from the heart, not being able to pull that sense of
fulfillment, peace, connection with nature from my running. I was tired of running. UNTIL I COULDN’T, haha. Ahhh the power of wanting what you cannot
have. I believe I was forced into taking
this “break” after numerous signals that I didn’t hear, or actually heard and
completely ignored.
2.
Our bodies
are smart. I had the opportunity
last winter to have a comprehensive blood test/ in depth hormonal check done. I was desperate to find out the results…. Which
frankly, I already knew. There was
something very wrong and off with me. I would
come home from even a small workout SPENT.
I was actually spent before I went.
I was flat, dull, pale in both face and heart. Just not myself. All I wanted was to sleep,
lie down, and had no feeling of “oomph” in me.
I knew I was going through a spell of depression and trying to swim my
way back to the top of the water, but I also knew it was a bit more because my
physical body just had some other issues not making sense. When I had the blood test, I couldn’t wait
for the results because I already KNEW there was a result that needed to be
seen. I basically had zero T
(testosterone) and ridiculously high cortisol (stress), and that ratio is a
common one for endurance athletes to struggle with. Because of the extreme low and high, my ratio
was ridiculously small. Every single
symptom of this, I had. I knew I should address it with some sort of “plan”
however some events happened that further pushed me into a hole and I just tried
to carry on, making it through. First
race of the season, I ended up just walking off the course- a clear picture of
how I had felt for months. Just flat affect/
didn’t have my heart attached. Without
this injury, I would have just kept at it.
3.
We all
get injured, get over yourself.
If you are an athlete, there will be injuries. I’ve never met an athlete who has had NO
injuries. I have been super lucky over
the years. 20 years of triathlons. My back has had major trouble in the past 5
years and I am constantly working to keep that managed. I tore my calf 3 years ago. However: prior to that, I Have been very
lucky to have managed joints and muscles well.
being injured sucks. It hurts,
and I’ve been in major pain- a literal pain in the ass! It sucks even more not
being able to sit, do normal daily things.
BUT, I remind myself- it is not like I’ve been going through
chemotherapy for 4 months.
Perspective. I am thankful to have used the past few months
to try to learn how to have some “down time”!! seriously😊 And
it has been good for me to learn to walk without running, be without reaching for something, to get some extra time
for some of the other things I love to do in life, I’ve added a bunch of work
in while the opportunity has presented with extra hours. So while I’ve been annoyed to not run, I know
it is part of the overall plan and to be patient.
4.
There is nothing like having a passion in life, and for that I
am so grateful. Long story short: when I was growing up as a gymnast, I vividly
recall being in the car with my mom and her asking me, “don’t you get sick of
flipping around/ being in the gym all the time?” I thought that was frankly the dumbest
question I had ever heard. Of course
not. There was never ENOUGH time for
me. This past weekend, I was recalling
these conversations because by the end of the weekend, if I had to be on the
sidelines of a volleyball court for another minute, I thought I might die. I asked Phoebe if she was getting tired of
volleyball after the hours she had been there.
She was not. I smiled, knowing
exactly how she felt, and I was so happy for her. Likewise, that is the “old” feeling I have
had for triathlon- hours and hours and too many hours (I’m giving you the eye
Ironman Lake Placid) on the bike and run (not necessarily pool!!). And all done with a pure love for the sport. Not always easy, of course- bad days are a
part of the process of the passion, disappointments come. But the JOURNEY IS MY PASSION. I love training, I love planning, I love
making things happen. I love attacking daily goals. I cannot imagine life without being a
passionate person.
5.
I LOVE
RUNNING> In the past two
weeks, being out jogging again has been a major HAPPY! I have oddly been seen just jogging (at a snails
pace right now) with a goofy grin BECAUSE I AM RUNNING THROUGH NATURE! I have
gone to some of my favorite roads, had that peaceful time of just me, footsteps,
breath, and the beauty of the world. Leaves falling down, landing on me. I have a glimpse of hope that I will be fully
running again! Big Sur Marathon 2019-
cannot wait to meet you!