Hurricane Lowell, September 2026

 

Hurricane Lowell, Kauai, 9/7-8/26

Well, I’m writing this on Tuesday 9/8 after I made it rhrough Hurricane Lowell on Kauai. Yesterday morning, the winds were ripping and I never left the vrbo.  I could see some cars, but we were supposed to stay off the road and of course I followed instructions. I literally sat in my 5x5 ish space it seemed for the entire day. Luckily, I had done the marathon the day before, been out in the ocean, and had a few hiking days beforehand. I was really patient, not really knowing what was coming. I had heard reports, and embarrassingly, I didn’t even think to turn on the tv.  I don’t really believe in watching TV when I’m traveling because I want all of my time to be intentional, but it wasn’t until later in the day that I turned on the tv to get some news.

I made water- I pulled out all of the cups and jugs/containers in the cupboards and filled with water to put in the fridge.  Made as much ice as I could in the freezer. I knew it was more than likely we would lose power and water.( we did). I also boiled an extra package of soba noodles I had brought. I had made them (with tuna packet) for the night before the race, and I’m glad that I for some reason had brought a 2^nd package just in case. I also made coffee knowing that, at least I’d have some cold coffee brewed. Everything was charged: phone, power bank, computer, I Had filled up gas the day before. I had that morning moved my car to the 2^nd level of the parking garage, even though it said it was for a different condo, I just hoped they wouldn’t tow before a storm.  I felt prepared.

I busied myself by braiding my hair (I’m really glad I did this, don’t even know why I did, but it was so good since I wasn’t going to have access to a shower for days, and when I braid my hair, I feel like it keeps it from getting horrible if I can’t shower). I started a book, tried to take a nap, but then there were alarms starting to go off on the phone blaring, that we are in a flood watch…. I wasn’t sleeping, so I was just up and then I am getting txts to make sure I have a “go bag” in case I need to evacuate. So, I did do that, and while doing that, I actually just ended up packing EVERYTHING which I’m glad I did. I had my backpack, carryon and this backpack that I put inside my backpack was my urgent “go bag” essentials. Wallet in ziplock, ziplock near phone and anything that shouldn’t get water on it. Family was texting that I needed to know where the evacuation shelters were, so I looked them up, it wasn’t easy or obvious to find (looking back- for an island full of visitors- if they did want us to evacuate somewhere, it should have been easier to access?). I thought I found the location I would go to which was a town 10 min down the road and up/away from ocean (Koloa). I put that into my maps in case, but with the winds blowing, I really was like, I’m certainly not going anywhere in this.  I think this is when things were getting real as the afternoon wore on, and I finally decided to turn on the tv. Once the tv was on, I was seeing that there were 5 evacutation centers on the island listed, and Koloa was NOT one. So, ok. I knew I wasn’t really going anywhere anyway, but, now that was not an option.  The talk at this point was: evacuate VERTICALLY.  Ummmm, I don’t know anyone above me. It’s not like people can just go upwards unless their own house has multiple floors! I did start to get nervous. I was on the 2^nd floor, however the way the land sloped up, my 2^nd floor lanai was just a few feet up from the ground, so it wasn’t really like a “true” 2^nd floor… and… the ocean was across the street. I’m starting to really think about this now.

Here is where this really begins for me. I begin clearing off the top of the fridge thinking, if water does come in here, how much would come in. Of course I wouldn’t know.  Noone would know. If there is water flow, I need to have a place high to climb to.  I put my carryon/backpack/go bag UP on the counter also. I was looking at the windows of this place which are those “slat” type windows where you can tilt them to let the breeze in/ cross breeze with the other side. Now they were obviously “locked” and closed, but ummmmm, I bet they aren’t that sturdy against a wall of water and that did not leave me feeling awesome.

Now, we were under a tornado watch. I do not like tornados one bit. So, now, not only do I have my refrigerator plan, but I start thinking, if a tornado came, I would go into the bathroom, into the shower stall I guess? (maybe that wasn’t smart as an afterthought because it had glass surrounding it?) But I brought these extra blankets to put on the floor of shower stall (it was all dry) and extra towels and extra pillows if I needed to go in there and cover my head. I also put water and snacks in that area incase I got stuck in there.

The sun is going down and the wind is getting stronger and I had had my plan for “wine”.  I thought tonight would be a good night to have some wine (surprise!) but not too much. I thought I should have some to help me relax a bit, but I needed my reaction time to be sharp. I did my last face wash, tooth brush and we still had power and I laid down, I was keeping the bathroom light on but I had my knuckle light with me, phone. The lights would flicker, but they would stay on! I had seen on social media that it was already out on north shore, east, and west, so even though poipu / south was supposed to get really smacked, we still had lights in our condo complex. 9pm, it was whipping. I just tried to relax. Power went out at 10pm. PITCH BLACK. Pitch black. That probably just added another entire degree of fear how dark it was, but I knew at anytime I could turn on my knuckle light.  I lay there in the dark wondering what was going to happen. Would water come in? or would a tornado? Or would it all be ok.  I lay there thinking if water came in, one of the last things I wanted to do was drown. Then I realize I’ve always said, when I die, just sprinkle me out in the ocean…. And now I’m thinking, but I didn’t mean I wanted to go INTO the ocean TO DIE!

I kept trying to decipher the horrible sounds. Were those sounds of the railroad sound that you hear in a tornado?  Over the night I probably got up 4x and ran to the bathroom thinking that was it coming. Probably 2 of those times I nearly vomit from fear. I would lay back down, and my heart rate was so high, then I felt like I was having chest pain, and I’m thinking, breathe easy Sharon…. If this turns out nothing and you lay here and die of a heart attack over nothing that would be SUCH a shame.

I of course did not sleep one single wink. There was no way with the sounds. There is no even describing them. I would occasionally look at my watch to see the hour we were on. I just kept trying to make it hour by hour. 1am. We were in the thickest of it. 2am I saw, I had made it through these hours one after the other so far. Just make it to 3am now: it was like marathon training, but just to survive the night. Mile by mile, hour by hour.

I hated being alone in such a scary terror, but I also felt like if I were with someone, it may have made it worse for me. I think it just made me stay strong for myself, and if I had someone to voice my fears to, it may have made it worse.

I remember occasionally there were flashes of light like super fast LIGHT. electricity?  (I have no idea if that was real? The sounds were so huge if there were thunder, it would have gotten drowned out by the other noise). Apparently next door in the condos next to us, there was a car alarm that was going off for a bunch of hours through the night.  I didn’t hear that one bit, which was funny because that would have been so close.

I made it to 4am, then at 5am, I literally did a little smile. I could tell the winds were on the other side of the storm. I had made it through the worst. The roosters and chickens amazingly started making their sounds and I was SHOCKED at how those little animals survive stuff like this. I have zero idea how that happens.

When the sun came up, I opened my sliding door to the lanai, really kind of tentative.  I had no idea what I would see. The water was over the road.  The ocean had come up, it was next to our condos creating a lake.  I didn’t know yet but all the first floors had flooded. Then I looked at people walking where the road is, past the new lake, and noticed what looked like destruction of the road. I put my shoes on, and walked out to see what in the world.  It was like zombies walking, sun streaming over the morning horizon and everyone looking around, no talking, the road in shambles, furniture from across the street had washed near the road, the road had been literally lifted up and mutilated. Some road remained and it was in crazy shapes- like “pockmarked”. Some of the road was lifted and carried into parking lots, the lawn of the condos, all sized pieces.  I realized, well no one is driving anywhere for awhile. Surprisingly, around 9am, crews started coming with bulldozers. The shambles of the road were removed, by 1pm, the road was similar to a flat road, by 4pm possibly- people were DRIVING ON IT! I was shocked.

Mud was covered in the parking garage, I am so lucky I had moved my rental car. Cars on the bottom level anywhere around were filled with water.  That was all I could see for this point in time, I had to go back in and like just…. Be with myself…. After that night, after that first glimpse of what had happened DURING that night. I imagined if the ocean did that to the road, what it would do to a human.

Later, I went back out, just because it was really hard to sit indoors for so long, and it was a beautiful sunny day, extremely humid.  So I walked the other direction.  More road destruction, houses ripped up along the road. Some things standing, some obliterated. I walked back.  The Beach House Restaurant, across the street fro my condo- from the front was fine. I walked to the side to look at the ocean and realized- the beach house restaurant was OBLITERATED. The front wall of the restaurant may have looked ok, but the rest had been torn up, it was open/ walls/windows gone. The inside demolished. I was SO sad. I had only been here once, just for a happy hour, but this place is iconic. Outside of the beach house restaurant is where at sunset in Poipu, everyone congregates: the lawn is open (not the restaurant but to the side of that property) and people can just sit on it and watch all the great surfers that come out to surf at sunset, and the sunset viewing here is extraordinary. If I am staying in Poipu, this is my every single night. My coming home. I felt like it hit me a little personally, even though I don’t actually live there, I just love it so much that it was shocking it was wiped out.

I kept going out for short stints. The workers were busy, I didn’t want to be a body getting in the way, and it was honestly just a lot to take in.  It was just shocking and eerie- like zombies walking through destruction with big eyes. I met a local woman who I’ll never forget, you could tell she was so shaken and somehow we started talking. She was safe, her home not damaged, and she was checking on some of her friends. She said she had been doing a silent like 4 day meditation before the storm and she had slept right through it, she felt it was connected to the calm she had cultivated through her silent days. She said something about yoga and I said, I teach yoga also, and it was so interesting to me, she looked at me and just said, “I know you do.” Like two souls, who already knew each other.

I would go back to my room. It was like 90 degrees and SUPER humid for the rest of my 2 days left there it was like this- zero breezes. Of course there was no air conditioning/ no power, I couldn’t turn my fan on, the room was getting really hot. The entire time I had been there, I never used air conditioning, but the fan had helped so much and now – not only no fan, but no water- no washing face, showers, couldn’t go in the oceans for the next at least week due to water conditions/runoff from the mountains, and all pools closed (because no filters). It was hot and stinky feeling. Sticky.

Over the next days, while my flight out was cancelled and it seemed near impossible to reschedule a flight, reschedule my rental car duration since I couldn’t connect to any of the apps, I had already checked out of my vrbo, luckily, the guy let me come back for a (free) night, I saw all of the tree distruction, electric lines down, cars backed up for MILES because the roads are one lane each direction and the roads had to be shut down at times for crews to accomplish their work. I would charge my phone while driving (I only had gone out 1x and it was when I found out my flight was cancelled, so then I was trying to get to airport to see if I could speak with someone about any other flight options- I saw one look at the airport and never went in). Gas stations closed.  Food trucks closed.  Wal Mart closed. Everything closed. Living Foods- this real nice food shop that also has a restaurant/coffee shop was open for just any of the food that was still in the grocery area. No lights on, there was a woman at the desk that just put the food on the calculator and told us how much to pay, somehow they were able to take our credit card. I bought wine and like 2 things that I would have never otherwise bought, but it seemed like the right thing to do is to make sure I had a little bit extra food, plus support a local business that opened for people. It was the start of Kauai’s recovery from Hurricane Lowell.

I was left leaving Kauai with such an odd feeling. So odd for me to be DYING TO GET OUT.  I thought I love this place why do I want to get out so bad?! And I think it was knowing that I was a visitor, needed to get “out of the way”, I needed to get back to work, back to being able to shower, have water, not live survivalist. I felt a sense of guilt for being so intensely trying to do all that I could to get on any airplane, anywhere… like I was betraying the place I love and ALWAYS WANT TO BE.  I have struggled a bit with this, like, it just doesn’t JIVE with my heart. And I’m getting used to the fact that it was just a weird event, visitors needed to leave to make space for recovery, to have all the services and food going to the people that live there and need it. But it just felt a little creepy to want to get out, to flee, to leave my place where my heart lives.

Kauai Marathon 2026

KAUAI MARATHON 2026.. OR NOT… OR YES unofficial!

Oh dear. Where to begin. I don’t want this to be longer than it needs to, so let’s get right to it. We knew there was a hurricane coming towards Kauai for a week.  The race has been saying, “for now it is on” and that they are checking every 6 hrs with emergency, etc. Well, last night (night before race that begins at 6am—so that I would be waking up at about 3:15am for), we got the news it was cancelled. I had spent the day going up to Hanalei because I knew the storm is coming the day after the race and there is no way I am leaving Kauai without going to visit my Hanalei😊 And while I was there, I did some things, but then I also went to Hanalei Bay, and sat. I got still, got quiet, watched the (VERY STILL bay which typically has surfers, but NO surf waves at all).  I laid down and closed my eyes and let my entire body get still and relaxed, grounded, and did mental prep. I came back after getting full tank of gas, getting more bananas (and wine), and went over my final race plan. Off to sunset, but first I went on Instagram for a few minutes and… to my HORROR saw that it was cancelled. I thought it was April Fools or, just nonsense. No WAY this close to race they cancel. But checked my email and there it was. Officially cancelled.

Again, I won’t go over this too much, but, it was effectively heartbreaking. I cannot tell you what a driving force, a light at the end of the tunnel of this freaking 2026 year for me so far. It kept me going. This is my happy place, my feeling of home, and running is my joy. Combining those is a thrill. Knowing the course from last year, then really working on the nitty gritty details with an open mind of curiosity: WHAT WILL THIS LEAD TO? Was such a thrill for me.  I always say that training is really my joy, and that is the truth: my summer was MADE by my weekend long runs. Sure, I didn’t want to wake up on Saturdays already tired from the week, AND, it was also my JOY. The challenge, the sunrises, the wildlife, the feeling of steering my rudder in the direction I was seeking…. The full training plan was my light, I reveled in creating a plan that I thought would be the best preparation for me. I built up to 4 60 mile weeks, and Gosh.  Now, that curiosity had no answer.  I wouldn’t be able to run those terrible hills, haha! As hard as it was, that was the part that I really wanted to learn how to WORK better this year.

So, with 1-2 hours last night, I still did not know what I was going to do. I went to sunset in SHOCK and just was like .. not myself. I had already had my stuff out and packed (run clothes, gear, food, belt, etc etc etc) but… I didn’t know the exact plan. I had txted with a few people who I have met locally on what they were doing… and wasn’t committed to anything.

I woke up at 4:13. There was a chance of meeting a group at 5:45. When I woke up, I had a single tear sliding down the left side of my face.  I am sure it was like allergies or something, but I don’t know, it reminded me of how sad I am. I made coffee and put run clothes on. I had some messages. I put on some music, and I mean, what am I going to do?  Go take a walk?  Go back to bed? No. I don’t even know how to do that.  I don’t know how to give up I’m at least going to go for some sort of run. I knew there were a fair amount of marathoners who were doing the half- the actual half course. I didn’t really want to do that since I don’t know the roads/traffic/ I don’t know the conditions, would it be safe? So, I kinda wanted to play it safe and stay on the road that my vrbo is on and just go out and back even if it is like 13 x 1 mile out and back… who knows. I had no plan other than go run some. I wanted to give myself some grace, but also not too much and I wasn’t sure what that really looked like for this day. I took some time thinking about who I am, what I’ve prepared for, and what it means to me and I got some mojo to at least go and do whatever is available this morning. I wanted to give myself grace to not do the full if I was not feeling it, if there was any dangerous weather, or if it just was frankly miserable.

I began at 5:30, I had knuckle lights so even though it was dark, I had light to see and went 2 miles out and back and felt really great actually! The sun was beginning to rise and it was a beautiful sky- wispy lines of light. The air was already humid, but I was so fully aware that I was grateful to not be starting in the rain. Then, I was going to go on Poipu Rd- which I knew some of those doing the ½ course might be on (but also was planning to not follow and just stick with what I knew was maybe safer for me not knowing what I do not know). There were enough people there that it felt like a low key 5K community event- not crowded, but there were people in front/ behind me. I felt good still (miles 4-6) Then, I knew they were maybe going to go left to the half marathon turn and I was thinking, ok, you just go back (there were some other people going back), but when we were like 15 seconds to the turn I was like, you know there are enough people here, I think I can go and have people around and then I can at least run the tunnel of trees road!!! Ok- most of you know that I am not spontaneous, but I was like, DO IT! And, ummmm I turned left!  *looking back I think this was possibly one of the BEST decisions of the day, because I Have to wonder how things would have gone had I been back and forth on and on. So, here I am on the half course (which is roads I ran for first half of marathon last year)- and this year, OMG… NOW I feel the hills- last year I think I was on cloud freaking 9 just doing this for the first time- I was in Shangri-lah and literally unaware of the hills. And today. My left hamstring hip which is my nemesis already started feeling things ughhhhh. It has been feeling so much better in the past weeks so this took me by surprise and worried me THIS EARLY. But, now I’m going, and it is uphill. I’m trying to relax my shoulders, keep it easy, but it already feels nothing like easy. My pace feels easy, but my body feels heavy and hard. This was maybe from 7-11 and I’m definitely honestly worried because this is too early to feel the effort. I kept checking in with keeping my body soft and fluid, not creating unnecessary tension.  I had 2 girls in front of me for these miles maybe like 40 feet and they were twins and just running easy and smooth, and I used them to remind me to stay smooth. Things flattened out and I felt a bit better, ended up passing the twins, and still felt tired, but kept things manageable. We start to go a bit downhill as we make our way back (remember I started 4 miles earlier so the end won’t be 13 for me, it’ll be past that) and we are at mile 13 maybe and I’m like, I need a port a pot. Not desperate.  But.. yea, I would have gone into one. There is no water, no port o pot, this is not a race…. Oh dear. I think maybe there will be a lone port o pot somewhere for like construction. But alas, no.  I kept running easy, keeping intensity low so I don’t spike my need to GO! Long story short- there were none- I got to 17.5 which was my vrbo and now I have my plan for when I go insie: 

*run in- use bathroom

*it is SUNNY and hot- I had thought it would be a morning of rain- GRAB SUNGLASSES and your ice bandana, and scoop one of the big glasses in cupboard full of ice to put outside near a shaded area for your out and backs.

*refill water bottles.

QUICK.

*I did stop my stopwatch for this stop, even though in a “real race” if I use a port o pot, I am not stopping my watch.

The problem here was:  I go to the bathroom, stand up and can BARELY STAND.

MY RIGHT HIP- the one that DOES NOT BOTHER ME. Is on FIRE. I cannot walk. My eyeballs pop out. I dig my thumb in and try to take steps and just realize this actually may not happen but go, try to do the tasks. I do them while my leg is SHAKING. I just say, leave, hold the stair rail and try to amble down the stairs with the help of my entire body.

I get on the road and just try to get myself walking, while I press into the freaking hip. I do and then think, OK, see if you can just GENTLY JOG. Who CARES what pace.  I do, maybe a 11-12 min pace… and I think it helps, and then things kind of smooth out. (I mentally note to try to not stop again….. and just to be careful- if it gives out and I go down, I am now alone, and this is not a supported race course).

Now we are in like 80+ sun and it is ok. I am jogging and the hip has smoothed out. There is a stretch of this road that goes out and back 2 mile each direction. There are sections, blazing sun, then some wind, and then there is some rain, it stops, back to blazing, etc.  I am feeling my left calf NEAR seizing up on hills. (I realize, my right hip is probably overworking for my sorry left side). I keep taking in electrolytes, fuel and water.

Usually, I save my “Kara Goucher commentating” for the final mile (or 2). But it seemed necessary at this point:  So I began mentally doing my best commentating of myself- mentally in her voice hearing her say, “Sharon is out there, because she knows she GETS to do this, this thing that she loves. She loves it because it isn’t easy, because it tests her physical and mental strength, because it shows how deep she goes into her heart and will. Step by step, she is soaking in the beauty of the mountains around her, the sound of the waves crashing.” And on and on….

And at the same time, I really am suffering quite a bit. I keep doing math, trying to at least try, because this is the stage where math becomes hard, and if math becomes hard, then I need to make sure I am taking in even more fuel and making sure I am ok. I am not fully alone out here on this stretch.  It is not like the half marathon course, but there are sporadic runners, maybe like 1 every 3-6 minutes that I pass going back and forth. None of us travelled to heaven/Kauai to sleep in this morning. Every person, I take time to say, aloha, I’m so glad we are out here together. I realized that each person was making a difference to each other. On the various out and backs I passed a few people each way who we just kept smiling that knowing smile like, this is not easy, but we are doing what we came here for. As it is said, encouraging others also encouraged me.  I did have to walk at one point, and I counted my steps. I was going to take 20 walk steps, but I turned it to 30 and GO. It was all I needed.

I got back to my big cup of ice and ice water that I had planted to refill- the ice was almost melted but used what was left to refill my flasks and again: when I came to a stop, my leg was like TREMBLING. I definitely was worried, but also knew I needed to just see what was possible. When I was at this vrbo/refilling station that I had created- I then had 2 miles left- 1 mile out and back.  Which seems like nothing as I write this. And at the time, each step seemed questionable. I just had to trust and try and see. During this stretch, as well as so many times through the race, I channelled so many people, who I knew were out there with me, my family, my friends who I had shared my heartbreak the previous night, my training classes/athletes/groups. All the people that I’m IN LIFE WITH, and so very thankful for. I was so thankful for literally each person out there. The people who pulled me, who said a kind word, acknowledged with a knowing glance.  I was so thankful for all the people who drove by beeping like crazy- everytime (ummm this was only up until like mile 15)- I would put my arms up, do the shaka sign/ hang loose and do it kinda crazy as a way to acknowledge the energy they gave me.  The last, lonely 8 miles, out and back there was a woman who drove by and offered me a water bottle out of her jeep (I didn’t take, but what a generous and kind soul). GOSH, there was SO MUCH to be grateful for.

As I’m turning to my last 1 mile back, through the stages of high beating down sun heat/wind in my face and wind and I am just trying to PUSH INTO THE WIND… arghh… repeat. Step by step. More commentating- Nothing is certain- even as I turn- I have now run out of my mortal sports drink, I am sucking on a block and trying to make it last, trying to give my blood some last energy/calories to pull from, adding water to it. There is some downhill, there is some wind.  I am counting steps, it is like 40 steps (one foot counting) for .05, so I just take it 40 steps at a time.  People are parking on the side to surf their last waves, and I cannot even look up to acknowledge cars or people.  I am passing all the landmarks on this road that I have now come to memorize.  I am down to .3 miles, and it still feels questionable. .2 I think I know I’ll get there. When my watch hits 26.2, I am alone, in the lovely sunny heat and put my arms up all by myself.  I won. I won. I won. I did 26.2. That is winning. I did it. I did everything I asked myself to do this summer, and this morning.

Overall, this morning was hard, my body did not really seem at its best, but I got in what I wanted to do. I am SO proud of myself for the training, the daily and weekly commitment, consistency and focus on what I was seeking this summer. And I am proud of taking my disappointment and making a marathon happen this morning.

I’m so thankful to all of you who support me by being in my life, Aloha.

 

KAUAI MARATHON 2026.. OR NOT… OR YES unofficial!

Oh dear. Where to begin. I don’t want this to be longer than it needs to, so let’s get right to it. We knew there was a hurricane coming towards Kauai for a week.  The race has been saying, “for now it is on” and that they are checking every 6 hrs with emergency, etc. Well, last night (night before race that begins at 6am—so that I would be waking up at about 3:15am for), we got the news it was cancelled. I had spent the day going up to Hanalei because I knew the storm is coming the day after the race and there is no way I am leaving Kauai without going to visit my Hanalei😊 And while I was there, I did some things, but then I also went to Hanalei Bay, and sat. I got still, got quiet, watched the (VERY STILL bay which typically has surfers, but NO surf waves at all).  I laid down and closed my eyes and let my entire body get still and relaxed, grounded, and did mental prep. I came back after getting full tank of gas, getting more bananas (and wine), and went over my final race plan. Off to sunset, but first I went on Instagram for a few minutes and… to my HORROR saw that it was cancelled. I thought it was April Fools or, just nonsense. No WAY this close to race they cancel. But checked my email and there it was. Officially cancelled.

Again, I won’t go over this too much, but, it was effectively heartbreaking. I cannot tell you what a driving force, a light at the end of the tunnel of this freaking 2026 year for me so far. It kept me going. This is my happy place, my feeling of home, and running is my joy. Combining those is a thrill. Knowing the course from last year, then really working on the nitty gritty details with an open mind of curiosity: WHAT WILL THIS LEAD TO? Was such a thrill for me.  I always say that training is really my joy, and that is the truth: my summer was MADE by my weekend long runs. Sure, I didn’t want to wake up on Saturdays already tired from the week, AND, it was also my JOY. The challenge, the sunrises, the wildlife, the feeling of steering my rudder in the direction I was seeking…. The full training plan was my light, I reveled in creating a plan that I thought would be the best preparation for me. I built up to 4 60 mile weeks, and Gosh.  Now, that curiosity had no answer.  I wouldn’t be able to run those terrible hills, haha! As hard as it was, that was the part that I really wanted to learn how to WORK better this year.

So, with 1-2 hours last night, I still did not know what I was going to do. I went to sunset in SHOCK and just was like .. not myself. I had already had my stuff out and packed (run clothes, gear, food, belt, etc etc etc) but… I didn’t know the exact plan. I had txted with a few people who I have met locally on what they were doing… and wasn’t committed to anything.

I woke up at 4:13. There was a chance of meeting a group at 5:45. When I woke up, I had a single tear sliding down the left side of my face.  I am sure it was like allergies or something, but I don’t know, it reminded me of how sad I am. I made coffee and put run clothes on. I had some messages. I put on some music, and I mean, what am I going to do?  Go take a walk?  Go back to bed? No. I don’t even know how to do that.  I don’t know how to give up I’m at least going to go for some sort of run. I knew there were a fair amount of marathoners who were doing the half- the actual half course. I didn’t really want to do that since I don’t know the roads/traffic/ I don’t know the conditions, would it be safe? So, I kinda wanted to play it safe and stay on the road that my vrbo is on and just go out and back even if it is like 13 x 1 mile out and back… who knows. I had no plan other than go run some. I wanted to give myself some grace, but also not too much and I wasn’t sure what that really looked like for this day. I took some time thinking about who I am, what I’ve prepared for, and what it means to me and I got some mojo to at least go and do whatever is available this morning. I wanted to give myself grace to not do the full if I was not feeling it, if there was any dangerous weather, or if it just was frankly miserable.

I began at 5:30, I had knuckle lights so even though it was dark, I had light to see and went 2 miles out and back and felt really great actually! The sun was beginning to rise and it was a beautiful sky- wispy lines of light. The air was already humid, but I was so fully aware that I was grateful to not be starting in the rain. Then, I was going to go on Poipu Rd- which I knew some of those doing the ½ course might be on (but also was planning to not follow and just stick with what I knew was maybe safer for me not knowing what I do not know). There were enough people there that it felt like a low key 5K community event- not crowded, but there were people in front/ behind me. I felt good still (miles 4-6) Then, I knew they were maybe going to go left to the half marathon turn and I was thinking, ok, you just go back (there were some other people going back), but when we were like 15 seconds to the turn I was like, you know there are enough people here, I think I can go and have people around and then I can at least run the tunnel of trees road!!! Ok- most of you know that I am not spontaneous, but I was like, DO IT! And, ummmm I turned left!  *looking back I think this was possibly one of the BEST decisions of the day, because I Have to wonder how things would have gone had I been back and forth on and on. So, here I am on the half course (which is roads I ran for first half of marathon last year)- and this year, OMG… NOW I feel the hills- last year I think I was on cloud freaking 9 just doing this for the first time- I was in Shangri-lah and literally unaware of the hills. And today. My left hamstring hip which is my nemesis already started feeling things ughhhhh. It has been feeling so much better in the past weeks so this took me by surprise and worried me THIS EARLY. But, now I’m going, and it is uphill. I’m trying to relax my shoulders, keep it easy, but it already feels nothing like easy. My pace feels easy, but my body feels heavy and hard. This was maybe from 7-11 and I’m definitely honestly worried because this is too early to feel the effort. I kept checking in with keeping my body soft and fluid, not creating unnecessary tension.  I had 2 girls in front of me for these miles maybe like 40 feet and they were twins and just running easy and smooth, and I used them to remind me to stay smooth. Things flattened out and I felt a bit better, ended up passing the twins, and still felt tired, but kept things manageable. We start to go a bit downhill as we make our way back (remember I started 4 miles earlier so the end won’t be 13 for me, it’ll be past that) and we are at mile 13 maybe and I’m like, I need a port a pot. Not desperate.  But.. yea, I would have gone into one. There is no water, no port o pot, this is not a race…. Oh dear. I think maybe there will be a lone port o pot somewhere for like construction. But alas, no.  I kept running easy, keeping intensity low so I don’t spike my need to GO! Long story short- there were none- I got to 17.5 which was my vrbo and now I have my plan for when I go insie: 

*run in- use bathroom

*it is SUNNY and hot- I had thought it would be a morning of rain- GRAB SUNGLASSES and your ice bandana, and scoop one of the big glasses in cupboard full of ice to put outside near a shaded area for your out and backs.

*refill water bottles.

QUICK.

*I did stop my stopwatch for this stop, even though in a “real race” if I use a port o pot, I am not stopping my watch.

The problem here was:  I go to the bathroom, stand up and can BARELY STAND.

MY RIGHT HIP- the one that DOES NOT BOTHER ME. Is on FIRE. I cannot walk. My eyeballs pop out. I dig my thumb in and try to take steps and just realize this actually may not happen but go, try to do the tasks. I do them while my leg is SHAKING. I just say, leave, hold the stair rail and try to amble down the stairs with the help of my entire body.

I get on the road and just try to get myself walking, while I press into the freaking hip. I do and then think, OK, see if you can just GENTLY JOG. Who CARES what pace.  I do, maybe a 11-12 min pace… and I think it helps, and then things kind of smooth out. (I mentally note to try to not stop again….. and just to be careful- if it gives out and I go down, I am now alone, and this is not a supported race course).

Now we are in like 80+ sun and it is ok. I am jogging and the hip has smoothed out. There is a stretch of this road that goes out and back 2 mile each direction. There are sections, blazing sun, then some wind, and then there is some rain, it stops, back to blazing, etc.  I am feeling my left calf NEAR seizing up on hills. (I realize, my right hip is probably overworking for my sorry left side). I keep taking in electrolytes, fuel and water.

Usually, I save my “Kara Goucher commentating” for the final mile (or 2). But it seemed necessary at this point:  So I began mentally doing my best commentating of myself- mentally in her voice hearing her say, “Sharon is out there, because she knows she GETS to do this, this thing that she loves. She loves it because it isn’t easy, because it tests her physical and mental strength, because it shows how deep she goes into her heart and will. Step by step, she is soaking in the beauty of the mountains around her, the sound of the waves crashing.” And on and on….

And at the same time, I really am suffering quite a bit. I keep doing math, trying to at least try, because this is the stage where math becomes hard, and if math becomes hard, then I need to make sure I am taking in even more fuel and making sure I am ok. I am not fully alone out here on this stretch.  It is not like the half marathon course, but there are sporadic runners, maybe like 1 every 3-6 minutes that I pass going back and forth. None of us travelled to heaven/Kauai to sleep in this morning. Every person, I take time to say, aloha, I’m so glad we are out here together. I realized that each person was making a difference to each other. On the various out and backs I passed a few people each way who we just kept smiling that knowing smile like, this is not easy, but we are doing what we came here for. As it is said, encouraging others also encouraged me.  I did have to walk at one point, and I counted my steps. I was going to take 20 walk steps, but I turned it to 30 and GO. It was all I needed.

I got back to my big cup of ice and ice water that I had planted to refill- the ice was almost melted but used what was left to refill my flasks and again: when I came to a stop, my leg was like TREMBLING. I definitely was worried, but also knew I needed to just see what was possible. When I was at this vrbo/refilling station that I had created- I then had 2 miles left- 1 mile out and back.  Which seems like nothing as I write this. And at the time, each step seemed questionable. I just had to trust and try and see. During this stretch, as well as so many times through the race, I channelled so many people, who I knew were out there with me, my family, my friends who I had shared my heartbreak the previous night, my training classes/athletes/groups. All the people that I’m IN LIFE WITH, and so very thankful for. I was so thankful for literally each person out there. The people who pulled me, who said a kind word, acknowledged with a knowing glance.  I was so thankful for all the people who drove by beeping like crazy- everytime (ummm this was only up until like mile 15)- I would put my arms up, do the shaka sign/ hang loose and do it kinda crazy as a way to acknowledge the energy they gave me.  The last, lonely 8 miles, out and back there was a woman who drove by and offered me a water bottle out of her jeep (I didn’t take, but what a generous and kind soul). GOSH, there was SO MUCH to be grateful for.

As I’m turning to my last 1 mile back, through the stages of high beating down sun heat/wind in my face and wind and I am just trying to PUSH INTO THE WIND… arghh… repeat. Step by step. More commentating- Nothing is certain- even as I turn- I have now run out of my mortal sports drink, I am sucking on a block and trying to make it last, trying to give my blood some last energy/calories to pull from, adding water to it. There is some downhill, there is some wind.  I am counting steps, it is like 40 steps (one foot counting) for .05, so I just take it 40 steps at a time.  People are parking on the side to surf their last waves, and I cannot even look up to acknowledge cars or people.  I am passing all the landmarks on this road that I have now come to memorize.  I am down to .3 miles, and it still feels questionable. .2 I think I know I’ll get there. When my watch hits 26.2, I am alone, in the lovely sunny heat and put my arms up all by myself.  I won. I won. I won. I did 26.2. That is winning. I did it. I did everything I asked myself to do this summer, and this morning.

Overall, this morning was hard, my body did not really seem at its best, but I got in what I wanted to do. I am SO proud of myself for the training, the daily and weekly commitment, consistency and focus on what I was seeking this summer. And I am proud of taking my disappointment and making a marathon happen this morning.

I’m so thankful to all of you who support me by being in my life, Aloha.

 

(thanks michelle for this!):)

ANNAPOLIS 10 MILER 2026

 

ANNAPOLIS 10 Miler 2026

I ran in one of my fave annual races yesterday- A10 miler. I love this race.  I’ve done it since the kids were babies and maybe before.  I really would love to go see how many times I’ve done this race. I’ve had my best 10 miler time ever here- under 70 which still amazes me…. To some very humbling days through the years. I am ALWAYS more fit at the end of the summer BECAUSE of this race, because I have committed, gone out in the heat, done the heat and hill training.  I will never regret doing this race yearly.

Yesterday, as was last years running of A10, was a tune up/one week out from Kauai marathon race.  Maybe not ideal timing, AND ALSO pretty decent one week out training if turned into the mileage that I should do one week out.  I both years have gone out for a 5-mile arm up before the race. Last year, I the race FELT much better on my body, however, since I was leaving so quickly for Kauai, I didn’t write it up, so now I am left wondering the specifics.  (EXACTLY why I try to ALWAYS do a race write up). So, here goes this years:

I’ve been training 60 mile weeks for the last 4 weeks (until last week when I dropped to 50). My runs have been solid and I have run hills, hills, more hills and more hills. I’m very proud of my summer training and have felt positive about where my run fitness and strength is.  I think this led me to believe that A10 would “feel” better yesterday.  It really didn’t.

It was supposed to be like 96-97% humidity at the start (low 70s so not super hot, but yes humid). I knew this would affect paces and to be cognizant and intentional. I started approximately where I like to start and just kept it steady in first mile- I was already decently warmed from my prior running, and I felt for the first 4 miles that I was at like 7/10 effort, which was where I wanted to be.  At mile 4, (of course right after a bathroom), I began having a feeling of my stomach beginning to be a little iffy/ possibly needing to go to the bathroom. As the hills were starting here, I was like, ok, take it very easy and “smooth”- and it was already drenched sweating with the humidity.  So my goal was to just try to ease my stomach by not pushing the intensity. I was mentally like, keep it light until you get to the bathroom. Well, within 1 mile, my stomach was in DIRE NEED of a port o pot. I kept thinking, there HAS to be one soon, although I do remember this one on the out and back section and was thinking, wait, is there usually one before then? Long story short…… it was probably at mile 6.5 that I ended up.. embarrassingly…. Stepping into this woody embankment/behind bushes/trees and… yep. I did not make it to the port o pot.

THANKFULLY, this space was there where I was hidden, because I stepped back onto the course and whoaaaaa  felt so much better.  My stomach was no longer a limiter.  My legs were tired, but I felt like now I could at least put forth some effort to stay strong and steady. My legs were really fatigued and I think my big thought was surprise that they were so toasted. In thinking over the past day, I realize that: I haven’t done any races in the past few months, and my training for long stuff has been a lot of “warm up 10 miles” then hill repeats.  My hill repeats I’ve worked hard, but it hasn’t been a steady 10 mile EFFORT at race pace nonstop.  2^nd thought is:  I have prioritized doing my long runs from 5-8am typically (up until 9am sometimes) in order to beat the hardest heat/humidity.  I have had 1-3x during the week that I then have gone out IN THE hottest heat to get in heat training (so that my long runs weren’t sabotaged).

I am proud that even though I felt like it was pretty painful and hard, that I maintained PUSHING.  I did NOT give up. I just continued to do all that I could, both mentally and physically. Even when I felt like it wasn’t producing what I wanted, when I felt like my legs were really heavy, I just kept doing what I could, rather than backing off.  I am happy with that.

Overall, looking back, my splits were actually steadier than I thought. I got 4^th place in my age group. I was 2 minutes slower than last year (last year being maybe the only year I’ve ever had a super smooth stomach/ no porto pot stops). I feel better looking at this all today.

Things I want to take away from this race:

1.      GREAT REMINDER for my marathon next week: FIRST half of marathon: KEEP IT SLOW GIRL. You will never win a marathon in the first half, but you can severely put yourself in the hole.  I will be careful.  Last year I did a good job feeling that I was easy, moving steady, and not pushing too much.  The miles that I did push too much, I was chatting to a few people, and I will probably limit that this year.

2.      ALWAYS DO THIS RACE: A10 is so well organized (however I do think they need more port o pots). I am always more fit at the end of the summer from training for this race. It is a keeper for me. I don’t love the extreme humidity sometimes, but… it is a reminder- you do what you can do. You cannot just sit back because it is humid. You cannot just do nothing because it is cold. You cannot wait for perfect conditions of the world or your body. GO and DO.

3.      What you do matters- it always reminds me at races- showing up and seeing thousands of other people who also have done the work, woke up, got out, committed, gone through life and MADE IT WORK. It will never be perfect. I am absolutely sure that training was not perfect for any single person there yesterday, but we all did what we could in the midst of life.

 

My splits:

7:43

7:22

7:27

7:37

7:50

7:57

8:35 *yep…. Not all running

7:55

8:01

8:01

Mental prep: KAUAI MARATHON 2026

Mental Prep Kauai Marathon 2026 (2^nd x for this race).

I write this 3 weeks out from 9/6/2026- KAUAI MARATHON and I am now officially STOKED!

I had my last longest run today of 24 miles and it went well, reminding me that this summer, I did everything in my power to show up on race day as the fittest version of myself.   AND at the same time, I am balancing that confidence with a tremendous amount of humility because… ..ummmm… marathon. There is never a marathon without struggle and suffering, and so I know it will be a challenging day. So, my job is not just to do all the running, miles, strength, plyometric, core and all the things.. but I MUST be FULLY prepared mentally.

Mental Preparation always includes the “why”: Why does this matter to me? I’ve experienced it before, so why must I do this again?! FIRST:  because I GET TO- I still am ABLE to train, I get to challenge myself, I get to find my stretch, who and what I am through the months of building and race day. SECOND: to do it in a land that is so meaningful to me, in air that delights my senses, with the spirit of aloha in the race is FULLY LIVING. I GET TO DO THIS! I get to own this experience fully. This is my FULL WHY that I will hold through the race. If you do not have such a fierce, deeply rooted internal conviction of your why, it’s going to make things harder. It will make it so much easier to crumble, to cave, to soften into something other than what you truly can sustain.

The marathon will have many moments of self-doubt, physical and mental work and choices that I will make in how I will handle those. It is up to me to use the tools that I’ve built through the years, and through this training cycle to strengthen my mind in a proactive way. This is part of the training.

Here are some examples of things I am reminding myself:

1.When I am at the start line AND through the race, the question to ask myself isn’t necessarily, “how do I want this race to go” but “how do I want to FEEL.”  What is my energy, and where is my heart.  That will ALWAYS lead the way. ALWAYS.

And, as I did last year, I want to lead with a heart of joy, gratitude and appreciation for the ridiculously amazing opportunity that I literally am living a dream to travel to my place of full joy. It’s honestly unbelievable. I get to run on this land. I get to traverse these miles. I get to do this in community with other people who share my passion for running, setting goals, and digging deep.  I’m not my own island out there, I’m in a community of people who stand at the start line as ONE.  Each runner is in this amazing social contract to begin together, setting out to do our best, to collectively push ourselves and each other further. I want to FEEL this community of racers, neighborhoods, and land (‘aina). I want to race each step feeling the gift of my body, health and love of the sport and exploration.

2. This is my 2^nd time doing this race, and part of me thinks, “ok you did it before- you know you can do this again.” And that gives me a chuckle because honestly… the fact of doing it before means almost nothing in my opinion of doing it again. (This brings memories of being pregnant with my 2^nd – it was zero help thinking “I’ve done this before”. Literally. Very similar imo- I was probably even more scared for the 2^nd birth!). When you do a marathon, you are scraping at times the depths of your being, going into your truth, what you stand for, the willingness to stay with yourself. One of my mantras will be “I am WILLING” to stay in the effort, I am willing to stay with myself, to not give up on myself. I am willing to scrape my depths. I deserve to see what is possible.

 

3. SOFTEN into suffering: I personally feel this so much in my training.  On hard runs, when I am struggling, I tighten.  My body physically tightens (neck/shoulders/jaw, I’m sure my chest) and I tighten my mind in the direction of worry and panic. I literally feel that I am RESISTING the struggle.  I don’t want to be in it- who does?  I worry that this is going to be my story- the struggle is going to be too much, I have to fight this!! What is a better frame of mind is the reminder that “ What you resist persists”- if I am spending my time fighting this feeling, I’ll be in it longer. If, instead, I can find some ease: maybe I let up pace slightly, or just simply find a way to soften into the struggle. It is always worse (in any situation, not just marathon training) when you are busy spending your energy fighting your reality and feelings, rather than being in them, acknowledging and step by step, breath by breath, let it be.

4. No EGO. Do the smart thing- walking is sometimes smarter than running up mountains and destroying the end goal of a strong finish. When walking: look up, find joy, fast feet. This helped me so much last year- typically I might say to myself to do the marathon without walking, however not this one. There are places here that trying to run on some of the incline/mountains doesn’t lead you to being the most efficient and economical in the long term/finish line. And I had to remind myself last year, a fast walk is the best option here, there is no shame. Keep moving forward in a way that is smart.

5. There are always TOOLS: count your steps, dedicate the mile, pray, look up and notice something, say a mantra along with your footsteps, see if you can make a honey stinger last maybe an entire mile in your mouth! Another trick I have used successfully in a few races is “commentating” in my mind- in the 3^rd person (I try to hear it as kara goucher’s voice because I love her strong commentating on running events) and I just say to myself things that are reminders of what I value, who I am, that I am trusting myself, believing in myself, etc.

One trick I’ve used before that was helpful is to think back to strong training runs and races where things felt like they clicked, and channel that feeling and energy in my mind. Almost “imagine” my body running smoothly like it did in those runs, and “faking it” to some extent. At the Shamrock Marathon in VA Beach, I remember thinking to “run smooth” like I had remembered feeling previously. So, I was doing this and someone on the side shouted out, “Whoa smooth running form”!

The hard times in the marathon will come.  They will also change. What was a big feeling at mile 15 will be history by mile 19. The effort and challenge ARE the reward- the work is the ESSENCE of the event! A mantra I use is “This is what it feels like….”

This is what it feels like to get through hard things, to dig deep; this is what it feels like to work hard and appropriately. This is what it feels like to rise up to meet the challenge of the moment, to be strong and resilient. This is what it feels like to be doing the thing I love!

I hope some of these tools are helpful for you if you are reading this!

 

HARDEST WORKER AWARD

( I know there is a button to rotate this but I cannot find.  please send me a teenager to help).

July- 2 months until marathon

 

JULY CHECK IN WITH INTENTIONS: It has been a downside of this year for the first half that I have not been writing/blogging. I blame some of my health/energy issues and also I wonder if the reverse is also true- that writing keeps me unraveling my mind and creating energy.  I am committed to writing (for myself) for the 2nd half of the year. 

For now:

We are now a week into July.  I have 2 months until Kauai Marathon, and I just tanked a long run last Saturday.  Admittedly, the weather conditions were difficult. With a “feels like” temp that day of up to 110, I woke up at 4, got out the door at 5 and had a 20 miler planned/ hoped to be home and celebrating the success of a long run by 8am.

Well, first off: I got used to finishing my past months long runs successfully.  So, this made me fall into a way of thinking that of course things would go as expected and I could just decide how this 20 miles would go and when I’d be home after finishing the 20. I let myself be lazy in my mind with not doing the WORK and mental preparation of a long run. It isn’t just the racing that takes mental prep.  It is the training as well, and I failed to do that.  I planned all the other things, the route, the hill repeats, the hydration and fuel to bring. And the weather may have made things more difficult, but I am convinced that the real issue I ran into that day was a mind that wasn’t prepared.

I wasn’t solid in my conviction that: long runs aren’t just a given- they don’t all happen successfully, they are a HUGE thing to respect. I trivialized it in my mind and took it for granted. I hadn’t mentally prepared for the FACT that it will always be the MIND that keeps the BODY going. There will ALWAYS be pain in a long run of 18 and beyond. And, it is essential to practice the tools that it takes to keep going. The mantras that align with the footsteps that say, “You will not stop” with every footstep, even if this needs to go on for ½ mile to 1 mile. What is the plan when things get soggy and when even your mental resilience feels water logged/sweat soaked and lazy. I literally felt like I had a “mushy mind” last Saturday- I had no grit worked up to fight with the monkey on my back telling me to take a minute to walk.  I had no plan for: if I have to walk- what is it? 60 seconds or less than NO NEGOTIATING.  I hadn’t instilled the discipline to not negotiate when things inevitably are uncomfortable.

And now I’m aware, I learned my lesson.  I’m doing the work.

I'm committed to the planning of the mental preparation- not just for the main event- the race itself…. But for the real main event:  the JOURNEY THERE. The training is really always the main event, and I cannot just wait until race day to be fierce in my mind.

The workouts that go south are ALWAYS the ones that really drive the learning and progress, and I’m ready and listening and doing the work to up my game. I was disappointed on Saturday. Now, I’m more motivated.  I won’t cut things short.  I will do all of the mental preparation, I will spend the time with legs up the wall, I will not cut short any of the foam rolling, mobility/activation work. I will respect the summer and all the sweat and do electrolytes daily.

Perhaps most of all, I will be very clear in my GOALS. As last year- this is not a race to have a time goal. Going through these hills in Kauai is a different game than others- and my goal is the TRAINING- get as FIT AND STRONG AS I CAN IN NEXT 2 months so that I have the best chance to work my way in whatever forward movement it takes, KNOWING that there will be walking, and that there will be again, tremendous mental discipline to stay positive, to know I have done my best, to not doubt myself, and to have an aloha heart of gratitude and respect for the land I am covering 26.2 on. I am the LUCKIEST to get to live this dream and I will honor it by the FULL work- mind and body that a marathon preparation truly deserves.

Stop Raising the Bar

 

2025 was just a THRILLING YEAR (for the most part) for me.  I had some big goals and the journey and execution of these goals was highly meaningful. Last fall, once the main events that I had planned for the year were over, I felt a bit of a letdown and knew I wanted to start thinking and planning my 2026 goals and something that would light up my heart.  I love the planning, preparation and anticipation of hopeful things to come.

After months going back and forth on race goals, I decided- I’m going back.  I’m going back to my heart place- Kauai. The marathon was full of AWE, and I want to smile so hard again… (and suffer… you know, it goes hand in hand, and that to me is part of the beauty). I registered, I’m going.

So, as I’ve been anticipating the start of training, the season of “training to train”, I’ve been thoughtful of keeping a solid run base. That seems like it has been thwarted- first by some hip and hamstring pain back in December until……. Then my treadmill died. Then the new treadmill wasn’t usable…. I still went out ins 20 degrees… until I came back crying.  Finally, I got a new treadmill that actually worked however either it is off, or I am off (in terms of calibrating paces).  When I realized I am also 15 lbs heavier currently, and I know my physical body is doing some odd things (freaking menopause), needless to say I have been in a 2 month struggle.

I am LUCKY and BEYOND thankful to have been able to at least continue running through these months. Let me premise all of this by saying that I do not take that for granted. Thank goodness right now that all of my estrogen-dependent injuries right now seem to be congregated in my hand, wrist, elbow and shoulder… I’ve been able to keep 30-34 mile run weeks for the first 8 weeks of the year, so this is good.

AND. Those miles have been struggle bus.  Many of them have lots of walking in them. Walking is fine, it is just that I didn’t used to incorporate regular walking during runs to recover, I could just slow down.  With my decreased fitness and increased weight, running has physically felt HARD. My mindset has felt like it has been slightly PUNCHED by not being able to do workouts I’ve done always.  I feel like I can’t trust what is happening- am I slower, or is it the treadmill numbers, is it the cold air in my lungs. Is it depression?  Is it this or that? I’ve been off in all of the ways.

And just recently, I realized that my MIND… AS ALWAYS…. Is becoming a bit of a trigger in my running.  I am here, there and everywhere. And, as I’ve said recently in yoga practice, Seneca the Stoic was quoted as saying, “he who is everywhere is nowhere.”  And I realize that has been me. My mind is fluttering between self doubt, self criticism, and then moving forward to where I want to be, which is not where I am, currently. This is in STARK contrast to how I approached my training last year for the Kauai marathon, and how I try to approach my training intentions and goals.

Last year- I knew the race was a pure bucket list dream to even be PRESENT for and COMPLETE. My whole training plan was around the idea and intention of training to complete WITHOUT INJURY. There was no other goal.  Absolutely zero speed goal.  Absolutely zero EGO.  All SOUL. I literally would have been happy had I needed to walk the last 6 miles, knowing that I was walking (in paradise) a bucket list item in the glorious sun, air and land. I knew moving my body to the finish line HOWEVER I needed to get there was the goal- all soul, no ego involved.

And here I am this year, being me.  Falling into the tendency of always needing more. Needing to improve, do even better next year.  “Maybe this year I won’t need to walk the hills.”  I can train even harder. I can be faster.  I can do hill repeats for the final 10 miles of each training run this summer.  I can do harder leg strength at the end to be even more resilient for this year’s race. And, in this attitude of clinging and tight control and focus on a goal that frankly isn’t even what I want when I sit back and take an actual real breath in my body….. I realize I’m working directly against myself.

I’m making the goal something it doesn’t need to be.  I’m making the goal too big, something that is ego driven, rather than heart driven.  I’m missing the simplicity of keeping the attention on the daily grind, the journey of the build and letting things settle themselves out as they will and having that be enough.

This reminds me and brings me back to my lesson a few years back with big hip pain. I had to step back, and I still do and will probably always need to with my body, to never cross the line of injury.  My training intensity and volume needs to be carefully attended to; my intentions must be clear in order to keep my training sustainable for the long term and big picture.  It will probably always be better for me overall to err on the side of a little bit less rather than too much for my body, in this lifetime.  There is a line of intensity that I cannot cross healthily in my body (back and hips). The past few years, the mantra “don’t get greedy” has been my reminder that I don’t need to go over that enticing line. I need to stay rooted knowing that training at a level that is sustainable for life is my true goal.

I train and race best these days when I am guided by an attitude of exploration, joy and curiosity of movement and training. While there is that physical line that I always keep forefront to respect and not cross, I also must remember to apply that to my mental training. I need to re-establish a beginner’s mind towards this race as I did last year.  I’m remembering that I don’t always need to move the goalposts further.  What I did last year was good enough and MAGICAL.  What I WILL DO AGAIN will also be good enough, and the goal is HEART CENTERED and SOUL DRIVEN once again. This is where I flourish and can be most true to myself. Running is a DELIGHT in my life- there is no one to impress and I’m frankly not in competition with anyone. Not even myself. I have a hard time remembering that, after a lifetime of thinking that I need to over-earn, over-work and prove myself.

The fine line at the intersection of balancing the discipline of not cutting things short, vs. the drive to always need more is always a tough one for any athlete.  There is a time to NOT push through, to not be in a state of FIGHTING like hell, willing my body to do what it just is NOT capable of. Those days are gone and I have no need for that way of grinding myself down. The better way for me now is to train myself up by pure presence, not comparing myself to past days and years and simply celebrating the joy of running and training.  There is a way to balance my strength of character and determination with softness and gratitude. I’m returning to a mindset of training to EXPERIENCE my events this year, just as they unfold, nothing more, nothing less. I am consciously returning to awareness of training with a balance both grit and crystal clear, heart driven intention…. Let’s GO!