HARDEST WORKER AWARD

( I know there is a button to rotate this but I cannot find.  please send me a teenager to help).

July- 2 months until marathon

 

JULY CHECK IN WITH INTENTIONS: It has been a downside of this year for the first half that I have not been writing/blogging. I blame some of my health/energy issues and also I wonder if the reverse is also true- that writing keeps me unraveling my mind and creating energy.  I am committed to writing (for myself) for the 2nd half of the year. 

For now:

We are now a week into July.  I have 2 months until Kauai Marathon, and I just tanked a long run last Saturday.  Admittedly, the weather conditions were difficult. With a “feels like” temp that day of up to 110, I woke up at 4, got out the door at 5 and had a 20 miler planned/ hoped to be home and celebrating the success of a long run by 8am.

Well, first off: I got used to finishing my past months long runs successfully.  So, this made me fall into a way of thinking that of course things would go as expected and I could just decide how this 20 miles would go and when I’d be home after finishing the 20. I let myself be lazy in my mind with not doing the WORK and mental preparation of a long run. It isn’t just the racing that takes mental prep.  It is the training as well, and I failed to do that.  I planned all the other things, the route, the hill repeats, the hydration and fuel to bring. And the weather may have made things more difficult, but I am convinced that the real issue I ran into that day was a mind that wasn’t prepared.

I wasn’t solid in my conviction that: long runs aren’t just a given- they don’t all happen successfully, they are a HUGE thing to respect. I trivialized it in my mind and took it for granted. I hadn’t mentally prepared for the FACT that it will always be the MIND that keeps the BODY going. There will ALWAYS be pain in a long run of 18 and beyond. And, it is essential to practice the tools that it takes to keep going. The mantras that align with the footsteps that say, “You will not stop” with every footstep, even if this needs to go on for ½ mile to 1 mile. What is the plan when things get soggy and when even your mental resilience feels water logged/sweat soaked and lazy. I literally felt like I had a “mushy mind” last Saturday- I had no grit worked up to fight with the monkey on my back telling me to take a minute to walk.  I had no plan for: if I have to walk- what is it? 60 seconds or less than NO NEGOTIATING.  I hadn’t instilled the discipline to not negotiate when things inevitably are uncomfortable.

And now I’m aware, I learned my lesson.  I’m doing the work.

I'm committed to the planning of the mental preparation- not just for the main event- the race itself…. But for the real main event:  the JOURNEY THERE. The training is really always the main event, and I cannot just wait until race day to be fierce in my mind.

The workouts that go south are ALWAYS the ones that really drive the learning and progress, and I’m ready and listening and doing the work to up my game. I was disappointed on Saturday. Now, I’m more motivated.  I won’t cut things short.  I will do all of the mental preparation, I will spend the time with legs up the wall, I will not cut short any of the foam rolling, mobility/activation work. I will respect the summer and all the sweat and do electrolytes daily.

Perhaps most of all, I will be very clear in my GOALS. As last year- this is not a race to have a time goal. Going through these hills in Kauai is a different game than others- and my goal is the TRAINING- get as FIT AND STRONG AS I CAN IN NEXT 2 months so that I have the best chance to work my way in whatever forward movement it takes, KNOWING that there will be walking, and that there will be again, tremendous mental discipline to stay positive, to know I have done my best, to not doubt myself, and to have an aloha heart of gratitude and respect for the land I am covering 26.2 on. I am the LUCKIEST to get to live this dream and I will honor it by the FULL work- mind and body that a marathon preparation truly deserves.

Stop Raising the Bar

 

2025 was just a THRILLING YEAR (for the most part) for me.  I had some big goals and the journey and execution of these goals was highly meaningful. Last fall, once the main events that I had planned for the year were over, I felt a bit of a letdown and knew I wanted to start thinking and planning my 2026 goals and something that would light up my heart.  I love the planning, preparation and anticipation of hopeful things to come.

After months going back and forth on race goals, I decided- I’m going back.  I’m going back to my heart place- Kauai. The marathon was full of AWE, and I want to smile so hard again… (and suffer… you know, it goes hand in hand, and that to me is part of the beauty). I registered, I’m going.

So, as I’ve been anticipating the start of training, the season of “training to train”, I’ve been thoughtful of keeping a solid run base. That seems like it has been thwarted- first by some hip and hamstring pain back in December until……. Then my treadmill died. Then the new treadmill wasn’t usable…. I still went out ins 20 degrees… until I came back crying.  Finally, I got a new treadmill that actually worked however either it is off, or I am off (in terms of calibrating paces).  When I realized I am also 15 lbs heavier currently, and I know my physical body is doing some odd things (freaking menopause), needless to say I have been in a 2 month struggle.

I am LUCKY and BEYOND thankful to have been able to at least continue running through these months. Let me premise all of this by saying that I do not take that for granted. Thank goodness right now that all of my estrogen-dependent injuries right now seem to be congregated in my hand, wrist, elbow and shoulder… I’ve been able to keep 30-34 mile run weeks for the first 8 weeks of the year, so this is good.

AND. Those miles have been struggle bus.  Many of them have lots of walking in them. Walking is fine, it is just that I didn’t used to incorporate regular walking during runs to recover, I could just slow down.  With my decreased fitness and increased weight, running has physically felt HARD. My mindset has felt like it has been slightly PUNCHED by not being able to do workouts I’ve done always.  I feel like I can’t trust what is happening- am I slower, or is it the treadmill numbers, is it the cold air in my lungs. Is it depression?  Is it this or that? I’ve been off in all of the ways.

And just recently, I realized that my MIND… AS ALWAYS…. Is becoming a bit of a trigger in my running.  I am here, there and everywhere. And, as I’ve said recently in yoga practice, Seneca the Stoic was quoted as saying, “he who is everywhere is nowhere.”  And I realize that has been me. My mind is fluttering between self doubt, self criticism, and then moving forward to where I want to be, which is not where I am, currently. This is in STARK contrast to how I approached my training last year for the Kauai marathon, and how I try to approach my training intentions and goals.

Last year- I knew the race was a pure bucket list dream to even be PRESENT for and COMPLETE. My whole training plan was around the idea and intention of training to complete WITHOUT INJURY. There was no other goal.  Absolutely zero speed goal.  Absolutely zero EGO.  All SOUL. I literally would have been happy had I needed to walk the last 6 miles, knowing that I was walking (in paradise) a bucket list item in the glorious sun, air and land. I knew moving my body to the finish line HOWEVER I needed to get there was the goal- all soul, no ego involved.

And here I am this year, being me.  Falling into the tendency of always needing more. Needing to improve, do even better next year.  “Maybe this year I won’t need to walk the hills.”  I can train even harder. I can be faster.  I can do hill repeats for the final 10 miles of each training run this summer.  I can do harder leg strength at the end to be even more resilient for this year’s race. And, in this attitude of clinging and tight control and focus on a goal that frankly isn’t even what I want when I sit back and take an actual real breath in my body….. I realize I’m working directly against myself.

I’m making the goal something it doesn’t need to be.  I’m making the goal too big, something that is ego driven, rather than heart driven.  I’m missing the simplicity of keeping the attention on the daily grind, the journey of the build and letting things settle themselves out as they will and having that be enough.

This reminds me and brings me back to my lesson a few years back with big hip pain. I had to step back, and I still do and will probably always need to with my body, to never cross the line of injury.  My training intensity and volume needs to be carefully attended to; my intentions must be clear in order to keep my training sustainable for the long term and big picture.  It will probably always be better for me overall to err on the side of a little bit less rather than too much for my body, in this lifetime.  There is a line of intensity that I cannot cross healthily in my body (back and hips). The past few years, the mantra “don’t get greedy” has been my reminder that I don’t need to go over that enticing line. I need to stay rooted knowing that training at a level that is sustainable for life is my true goal.

I train and race best these days when I am guided by an attitude of exploration, joy and curiosity of movement and training. While there is that physical line that I always keep forefront to respect and not cross, I also must remember to apply that to my mental training. I need to re-establish a beginner’s mind towards this race as I did last year.  I’m remembering that I don’t always need to move the goalposts further.  What I did last year was good enough and MAGICAL.  What I WILL DO AGAIN will also be good enough, and the goal is HEART CENTERED and SOUL DRIVEN once again. This is where I flourish and can be most true to myself. Running is a DELIGHT in my life- there is no one to impress and I’m frankly not in competition with anyone. Not even myself. I have a hard time remembering that, after a lifetime of thinking that I need to over-earn, over-work and prove myself.

The fine line at the intersection of balancing the discipline of not cutting things short, vs. the drive to always need more is always a tough one for any athlete.  There is a time to NOT push through, to not be in a state of FIGHTING like hell, willing my body to do what it just is NOT capable of. Those days are gone and I have no need for that way of grinding myself down. The better way for me now is to train myself up by pure presence, not comparing myself to past days and years and simply celebrating the joy of running and training.  There is a way to balance my strength of character and determination with softness and gratitude. I’m returning to a mindset of training to EXPERIENCE my events this year, just as they unfold, nothing more, nothing less. I am consciously returning to awareness of training with a balance both grit and crystal clear, heart driven intention…. Let’s GO!

Stepping into 2026, reflecting back on 2025

 

2025.

Ohhh 2025.

You were the best of years. And also not the best.

Let’s look back… It was the year I was turning 50 and my word of the year/mantra was “now”. I wanted to make sure I was living present and not waiting for a thing. I’m really proud of how I did that this year.  I had a list of 50 things- I did not complete them all, but I did get through most of them and the rest are still on my list- time/scheduling just didn’t happen, and I know they will.  I wrote letters to 50 people who have changed my life, I took a trapeze class, I did a bucket list marathon in Kauai, I made it a priority to go to a few new places that are near me that I just hadn’t previously made time for. I did some house projects, personal projects, writing projects, travel, visits.  I recreated photos for my 50’th bday, and more. I’m so glad I had a list to make things happen.

I did 2 races that I trained for really hard.  I did Ironman 70.3 PA and the Kauai marathon.  The PA race, I finished the last 6 miles just elated and ALREADY feeling so proud of myself.  To be able to say that to myself, to FEEL that completely, from the inside out…. Was so special. I came back from an injury, I trained hard, and honestly, I couldn’t tell you my time/place/pace anything, all I know is the FEELING… and that really is how I’m living and training and racing these days.  The Kauai marathon was similar.  I trained DAMN HARD.  AND.. right now, I couldn’t tell you my finish time—I could guess but I honestly forgot my time, I have it written… but it isn’t even in the top 10 things I would care about from that race.  The TRAINING I was proud of, and the RACE I was also- by the way I was completely in the moment, aware, giving myself both work and grace. Were the last 10 miles of it SO hard? YES. AND. I hung in there. I self-talked myself through, stayed strong, stayed with myself, showed myself that I have become the person through these 50 years that can endure.

There was so much of this year that was great. There was also so much that sucked, in all honesty.  And, not just the state of our country. As always, I feel big; so to lose relationships always hurts me. This year was devastating in ways to the heart. AND I see now though that with every devastation came love.  When I was so raw and broken, my family was there for me, and I now know I have that.  I relied on messages and txts from my friends, and day by day, I got through. (and therapy!)

So, I now step into 2026.What are my dreams for the year, what are my dreams for 5 years and how will this year play into that?

Who do I want to show up as every day for MYSELF, for OTHERS.

It’s sometimes hard to pick a word (I’ve had some years where I just KNOW, others were I have like 10 things).  This year, a quick brainstorm brings me to a few possibilities:

Aloha (the spirit of aloha that I feel SO STRONG, so natural when I am in Hawaii, can I channel that even in the tundra/frozen/grey of winter?  Can I carry that aloha spirit from the inside out?)                Towards – every day, am I leaning IN/TOWARDS/being intentional/forward thinking as well as NOW.                                                                                                                                                                                           Trust - can I live each moment trusting myself, the universe, the path.                                                                                                                                                                                                 Intention: I worked with this so much this year- in every day, what was my intention, even in every conversation, every workout plan, every training session, what was my intent  in an interaction with someone with- how did I want to leave them feeling and myself as well. I loved breaking things down and even realizing having an intention of a conversation- to leave someone feeling heard, seen, loved was such an honor and special.                                                                                                                                                                                           Passion: THIS, for me seems to even encompass all the words above: PASSION for who I want to be, what I believe in can ENCOMPASS aloha, towards, trust and intention. (ohhh and I am a SUCKER for quote in one of my favorite movies “Serendipity”- “The Greeks didn’t write obituaries. When someone died, they asked one question. Did they live with passion.” So this year, I go forward with

PASSION

I want to live each day knowing that each moment makes a difference. Each day, I will spend time knowing that my energy is directed to what I am passionate about.  That will mean saying no to certain things and situations in order to prioritize what brings me joy, thrill and uplifts my soul.  I will honor the things that ground me and also things that lift me. I will work on daily making my dreams come true at the same time as I allow things and life to be, even when that disappoints or frustrates me. I will feel the joy every single day that “I get to” pet my dogs, spend time with my family and friends, do work that I know makes a difference with people I genuinely care about and believe in. I get to use my body and MOVE- run, bike, swim, lift heavy things, and lay down with legs up. I will move in ways that honor my body and breath and heart. I will try to share and be contagious with this energy, but… I’ll also accept that I cannot create passion in others. I will continue to make time for friends, for gardening, crafting, candles, porch, dogs, paddleboarding, hiking, reading, writing.  Being passionate doesn’t mean I have to go over the top, but I can honor my heart and the enthusiasm that genuinely arises in me for the things of daily life:  sunrises, puppies, kind people saying hello on walks and runs, seeing wildlife, moving my body with exhilaration in all the ways that I love so much. I will make space to craft with shells, garden, take naps with Gretyl laying on my legs, climbing mountains, running more on trails which I’m finding more and more is speaking to a feeling of peace.  My run/triathlon training will be full of hard work, hitting goals, pushing myself, and training with passion: this looks like ENJOYING it as well as times where it feels frustrating. My races this year will be geared towards racing with passion and heart.  This means letting the training do the work on race day and staying focused while also LOOKING UP and ENJOYING. It’s not worth it if I don’t love it. I want to have the deep passion for the things that I choose to lock my mind and heart on to that it is worth acknowledging and doing all of the small things that are the building blocks, the path, the way. I want to remember that every day, I (as we all do) have the opportunity to change people’s lives, to connect, to smile and be kind. I want to be someone who notices and shows up for others. I want to remember to pause and look at people’s eyes, face and make a simple moment of connection. Even moments of rest can be filled with enthusiasm and genuine awareness of acceptance. I’m old enough to have learned, or be in the process of learning to sit, breathe and be. I’m passionate about showing up for myself and others. There are so many things to be passionate about.  I want to express gratitude for my life by allowing the passion to rise up daily.  May it be so.

What is Saving my Life Nov 2025

 This is my 2nd of this prompt, which I'm kinda enjoying!  I haven't been writing and it is something I'm missing, so it is also nice that it got me back to something that makes me happy!

I'd love to hear any of yours if you are reading this! It feels good to think about a month at a time and the things that have been big blessings/highlights/ spaces of joy!

WHAT IS SAVING MY LIFE- 6 things this month!

Nov 2025 edition:

1.      PUSHUPS! So, this month I started a 100 pushup a day challenge.  I had seen something on social media about this and I just felt like I wanted to try it.  I didn’t want to make an actual huge thing out of it with Rising Sun Fitness, but I wanted anyone interested to take it and run with it!  I personally ended up really enjoying it.  It was a few minutes a day, with definite results!  And, I ENJOYED being creative with it.  One day I did 10x 10 alternating hands up on low step doing plyos, 10 hands down and feet up.  One day I did 2x50 which was HARD and I loved finding where my body was FULLY shaking. I did 10x10 handstand pushups interspersed with some of my yoga practice.  Overall, I loved having this number in my head and just being creative and feisty with it!  It honestly brought me back to when I was a kid doing gymnastics and reaching my limits, getting stronger, struggling and finding what I was made of.  I know that I still train hard, although in endurance sports now, but this pushup challenge brought me back to where I was trying to do my best with moving my body with STRENGTH.

2.      UKULELE! I aim to do 10 minutes of “practice” a day.  This month I “learned” how to pluck happy birthday. I’m still learning a bunch of chords and I’m enjoying working, learning, getting my fingers to try to hit the chords/frets/strings correctly.

3.      PODCASTS:  I am so glad I started listening to podcasts a few years ago.  I really enjoy on a run or walk having some interesting dialogue to listen to.  Is it always a 10/10- nope, HOWEVER every once in awhile I am just so thankful to hear the conversation and words that really connect to me.

4.      PINTEREST: Once again, I am thankful for some creative inspiration for thanksgiving dinners, cheese boards, crochet, and more.

5.      MY KIDS: I spent the month excited for everyone to come home- Forrest for a full week- Phoebe and her boyfriend Scott for 5 days approximately.  It was so NICE.  We didn’t do anything extraordinary, but just enjoyed movies, (eating), a turkey trot, being together, walks, shopping and simply time together!

6.      MY WORK- clients and daily progress!  Honestly, I find that my happiest days are days when I am super busy and get to do more of what lights me up.  Do I sometimes get fatigued? Well, yes… but I also LOVE it.  This month, I was lucky to have a few new  (and returning) personal training clients who I loved getting to begin with, I went through some end of season reflection and goal setting with clients and athletes, I got to work through some injuries and progressions with some clients and overall, I aimed to always have people feeling BETTER after a workout than they did before. What a gift to be a part of this slice of people’s lives!

WHAT IS SAVING MY LIFE OCTOBER 2025

 

What is Saving my life October 2025:

I follow a podcast that has these episodes “what is saving my life” and it can be small things (or big) and I’ve grown to love the idea of recognizing these glimmers in daily life!

It is so helpful to notice the GOOD!! And to document it, share it, speak it! What POWER!

Here are mine and I would LOVE to connect and have you share yours! Please! What a gift that would be!

 

October 2025- despite…. The world…  Oh my….. lots of heavy stuff….

What is saving my life:

 Candles.  I’m sorry I know it isn’t “cold” in what others may categorize cold or cool, but… the end of summer, pools closing….. sweatshirts, I get cold. And so CANDLES OH MY. To be able to light a candle at night is to me such a symbol of love, heart and taking care of myself.  And, I have splurged!!! For years, I have heard of this “Pumpkin Smash” by Half Baked Harvest and I’ve wanted to try. It was on the amazon sale and so I did and… IT IS the TRUTH, friends.  It is heaven to the senses.  It is WORTH IT. So thankful, every night (or when I NEED some heart care)…. Candles.

 

2.    MAKING TIME: I'm honestly going to be truthful that I don’t think I’m ever in my best space in the fall.  I’m cold, I’m kinda mourning, I’m not really in my happy place and having to do some work to maintain what I know to be true to my heart.  And: that includes lots of reminders of my loves: my family, including my dogs, my friends, and even online connections. So thankful recently to see both kids, have some empty nest time going to new places with Ryan, my pups are always my BFFs, and I’ve scheduled more time with friends and I’m GRATEFUL! It's been nice to have even scheduled walks, quick coffee or happy hour get togethers, or entire Saturday afternoons of catching up!

  

3.      OUTDOORS:  Ok, I have a thing. I’m obsessed with being outdoors, I just simply do not really feel good being indoors.  I’ve done a thing thing in the past month or two where I go outdoors while my coffee is brewing each morning, and even if it is cold, I go outside, look up at the stars, and do my “thank you God for the gift of this day” and… I love it. It reminds me to be me. To live well and not forget the huge gift of this day, this life. I also spent this month getting in 3 miles of walks per day. That forced me to go outdoors during a time when I feel like I may prefer to sit under a blanket, honestly. I know I am better mentally when I am in fresh air, my dogs get the benefit of more miles on their paws, and it's always a blessing to see the sky. 

4.      Writing: because just writing this is honestly bringing me back to myself. For whatever reason, writing soothes my soul.  When I sort my insides out on paper or computer or journal or whatever form, I am so much more centered and clear..

      Going to a wedding- it has been SO LONG.  I didn’t even know what it would be like to go to a wedding again and… IT WAS BEAUTIFUL and heartwarming, and I SMILED more than I have… (well….. since Hawaii). It was nice to go and even without knowing many people there, having the most beautiful evening!  It is a HIGHLIGHT of my year! And just feel overjoyed for my friend and her new husband! It's such a good reminder of connection, love, life.

I   I know some of these things may seem so small, but I am thankful to be aware of these delights! Life is beautiful and also brutal, and I'm so thankful for it all.

KAUAI Marathon 2025

Kauai marathon, 8/31/2025

I flew to Kauai on Wednesday for this Sunday race! I think that was perfect timing to get there, settle in and loosen up after 14 hours in the air, adapt to the time change, etc. I think it would have been even better had I not done so much hiking on Thursday that my hips then quads were still sore on race morning!!!  However, I wouldn’t have changed anything because I got in great hikes that I absolutelky adored and still managed the marathon!

Some super quick background: I just feel so lucky that I was able to even do this marathon. When I had a bad ankle sprain this spring, I didn’t know what that would mean- especially for the hiking that I wanted to do daily. I wrapped the ankle (that is still swollen) before the marathon and didn’t have any problems. In addition, I hurt my knee about 4-5 weeks before the race. For a solid 2 weeks, I wasn’t able to even take walks without pain. Sometimes I could run, but I would finish and it would be so painful and stiff. Obviously, I was super concerned, but I think it was a bone bruise and with enough icing, I got it to heal! I am SO VERY GRATEFUL for this.

I trained myself hard for this race, and took my weekly training plan very serious. It was one of my goals for the year to actually coach myself again. To treat myself like one of the athletes I coach and to follow my plan, do my best, and be as prepared and fit as possible. I did that, and I’m proud of myself.

I built to 50-54 miles per week for my top 4 weeks of training. I did a few new things in my training:

1.      I tried to mimic approx the total time I would be out there on race day. So that doesn’t mean I ran 26 beforehand, but I did run 23 as my long run (which is a good thing for my run level and pace). But then I continued with a walk, so that my total moving time (so metabolically, muscularly, mentally, I would have my systems prepared for the length).

2.      I also did the same idea as above except followed up my long run with strength sessions (lower body) to build leg strength on tired legs.

3.      The final changes made was that I really blocked my weeks: I would do long run, FOLLOWED by 2 more (at least) consecutive days of running, with one of these days a significant mid distance run of 14-15. By blocking/stacking these run days- it would then give me 2 days/week – Thurs and Friday off of running (usually Thurs would be swim or bike day, then pretty much always off on Friday) to repair and recover. I think this really worked well to the point of what I was trying to accomplish. It let me train hard/get in lots of miles on tired legs (u can’t always train on fresh legs because then aren’t teaching the body how to recruit accessory muscles to come into play.

DAYS BEFORE RACE: hiking Thursday and Friday wasn’t ideal if my goal was to PERFORM OPTIMALLY in the marathon.  But I would choose it again based on how the race went. The other component I would repeat is my nutrition the week of race. I knew last year I had messed up my stomach with tomatoes/too much acid before a late summer race. When I got to Kauai- I came with oatmeal, an apple and a tuna packet and whole grain wrap for each day. Super easy to open the packet at the beach or end of a hike, dump it in wrap, roll it up and boom. So basically each day, I would have banana in am (stopped at walmart immediately after landing for my usual:  bananas and wine), pour hot water over oatmeal in a paper cup and put in the car to be oatmeal for after a hike, bring an apple, then have a wrap/tuna at some point. I also had bars with me, also peanut butter pretzels. I would eat something else that I would purchase- (always drinks/ I did go to happy hour daily), I was slightly concerned that I was cutting food short, not getting in enough calories. Oh, I also had a few bagels- maybe 2 blueberry that I had brought from home and kind of ate as needed. I also took at least one electrolyte tab, usually 2 (one always was a NUUN, the other would be a liquid iv packet- plus I liked that would give me some calories without fiber in this pre race week. I’m not saying at all that I would recommend this eating plan for someone else, but honestly it worked for me in the end and -- to do a marathon with NO GI ISSUES, omgosh I’ll TAKE IT!!) *The night before- I boiled up these soba noodles that I had brought from home and mixed another packet of tuna in. (I don't even like tuna, but, honestly, if it allows me to travel on a food budget, I'll take it!) (I made up for it in happy hours and also had a few meals out that were great!)

·       RACE MORNING: race started at 6 so I planned to get there at 4, planned to get up at 3:15. Well- I basically was ramped up at 2am with no HOPE for more sleep. I left the vrbo at 3:50- got there at 4. I had 2 hours to mingle, walk around, and I reminded myself to get off legs and sit!

·       Things (gi) system was feeling super smooth and I thought I was fine going to bathroom, but at like 5:10, I had a wave come over me like noooo pls nooo! Do not let this be a story in my day!! I went to bathroom, prayed (literally) (and it was all I asked other people to pray for me for- pray for my gi system)!! that this would be the end. Luckily it was!!!

·       There was a 30 min walk to start line and a Hawaiian ceremony-was beautiful! Then it was time!! To RUN!!!!

At race ceremony, even walking over I had this intense urge to pee. I have never had that before, I couldn’t believe it. The race started and the first two miles, all I could think is that I cannot believe this- I need to pee and I was giving serious consideration to possibly stopping bc it was uncomfortable and distracting.

Mile 1: I knew this mile was flat to begin and I always love a nice flat start! I settled in nice and calm, yea.

Mile 2 we turned left and were supposed to start an incline. Well, I didn’t really feel an incline, I thought hmmm, well maybe soon…. I was feeling a perfect maybe 6-6.5/10 effort- exactly on plan.

Mile 3: took the first few sips of a UCAN gel, and also just noticing my surroundings and all sorts of interesting things.  First, there is a guy near me wearing khaki shorts and a button down Hawaiin shirt. Interesting- even if he is doing the half, wtf? Also, so many women wearing these new fancy like “skort” things with like “pleats” on the skirt so that every step their skirt balloons up in the air and it looks like it is swishing on their legs when it comes down. I don’t know, but that would drive me crazy feeling all of that movement around me/ fabric tapping on me each step. Just interesting to notice.  Also, a few people just HOLDING their phones (more on phones later)- but I wouldn’t even want to hold my phone for a 3 mile jog. Anyway, each to their own, I was just noticing all of these things and still wondering where the hill was. Pace 8:23- noticing my pace continuing to warm up, but I still am at my 6-6.5/10 effort as to plan.

Mile 4: I take in some water sips from my flask because while the sun isn’t out- it is cloudy and sun still rising, it is already HUMID. I’m already sweating quite a bit, just keeping this in mind. 8:11.

Mile 5: I am honestly wondering where the hill is.  Later, when I drove these roads, I did notice there was an incline, so it was there, but I just didn’t notice it, it wasn’t bad and it was all just gradual along the way, and now we enter the TREE TUNNEL- just beautiful and spectacular to be able to be ON FEET taking this all in. When in the world do you have an opportunity to run through the tree tunnel and have this time to really be feet on the earth, fully immersed and experiencing it.  It was pure awe and joy. I just was smiling honestly the whole time. 8:31

Mile 6, Tree tunnel continues and I just remember this mile as being fully just loving how I am feeling on this day.  Running easy, feel strong on my legs, breathing easy, happy heart. I take a few more sips of my ucan gel- my plan for first 10 miles is to take some sips every 3 miles. 9:11

Mile 7: we take a left onto a main road.  There is a lane closed down, but I notice tons of traffic going in the opposite direction, it is only like 7 am now- not sure if there is more traffic because other roads are closed maybe.  I start to notice also that I’m taking the tangents, doesn’t seem like anyone else around me is, but I personally am not going to add distance to my marathon, so I try to keep aware of where the most direct line is to where we are going.  Plus, that is helpful to stay aware and present. 8:22

Mile 8: My mind does some sort of little anxiety flutters, not because I’m feeling bad, but because I’m falling into my “forward thinking” trap. Like how will this go?  How will I feel in 10 more miles, in 16 more miles.  I remind myself to be where my feet are, enjoy my surroundings, absorb every moment.  So, I am aware of trying to be present, but I’m also feeling some of my tendencies to worry about how things will unravel. 8:07

Mile 9: I have a few people running near me holding super steady pace with me, I’m so thankful. One guy is quite tall and I do tuck behind him (until he isn’t running the tangents).  Then we end up really shoulder to shoulder for most of this mile.  I ask him quietly- “steady pace, are you doing half or full?” I was hoping he was doing the full because I wanted to have someone right at my pace to kind of try to lock in with.  He said the half though.  We just asked where each other were from- he was from Austrailia but living/working in  NC. Here I go- 3^rd sips of my UCAN gels.  7:25

Mile 10: Now another guy running our pace asked me, because he heard that I said I was from Virginia, where in VA I was from.  He said he was from Falls Church, so then somehow we got chatting a little bit about did I grow up in VA/ no, but I went to college at UVA/ then he is asking if I happened to know a few of his friends (I didn’t)(shocking)/ he mentioned he went to MCV (which is where I was DYING to go to med school- waitlisted twice- 2^nd time after becoming a VA resident, uggggg).. So, we were chatting TOO MUCH and I didn’t honestly like it because I knew I didn’t want my energy going into chatting. I finally said, it is nice to meet you, I can’t talk anymore.  I couldn’t tell if I was just worried about my energy, or if I was losing it, but I knew my goal wasn’t to be social during a marathon. 7:32

Mile 11: Now we are at a place where the half/full split in opposite directions.  After I split off and began going uphill, there was a guy who was yelling out, “you are definitely in top 10 of women” which surprised me.  I honestly wasn’t trying and certainly wasn’t expecting to be. Part of me was like hmmmmm…. What if??!!  And then the rest of me was like, “sharon, your goals for this race are to (not have major GI issues all over Kauai) but to run with JOY and just SOAK UP THIS BUCKET LIST EVENT…. So I reminded myself to stick with exactly where I knew I needed to be pace wise. I had a Cliff Block this mile because I think I wanted the caffeine from it since I was worried I expended too much energy talking. It reminded me why I don’t like blocks during running- so hard to chew, then I feel like I Need a tooth brush, but… I don’t regret it, and I was happy to maybe feel some jolt of caffeine. 7:43.

Mile 12: Ok geez, here is the hill, mercy. It’s a hill.  Just stay with yourself Sharon. Manage your energy. Plug along. I think it was somewhere around here where there was a family sitting on the hill in their front yard and I glanced over, thought there was a dog sitting with them, then I notice as it got up and had horns, it was a goat!!! 9:29.

Mile 13: UH OH. I’m literally dying on this hill- I’m worried about my legs- which already started sore.  This hill is not just a hill, this is so significant that I am worried that I am not doing the right thing for my legs by running it. I don’t need to “win” the hill, I just need to not let the hill crush me for the next 13 miles. I started my 2^nd Ucan gel here. 9:58

Mile 14: Thank goodness we plateaued and I felt like I got my legs back. It boosted my confidence that yes, the hills will be hard, I was WARNED about this. AND… I have trained hills all summer, so my legs will be able to be resilient.  8:49

Mile 15: Here we go again, I knew this was going to be the hilliest part, mile 13-20- maybe I got thrown off because the first mile 1-7 was also supposed to be a hill that I didn’t really feel at all affected by.  But I am challenged here.  I grab ice water from aid station and pour over head. Felt amazing. Took some sips of ice water as well. My legs were screaming and I start to get serious about making choices that are not ego driven. I realize I might seriously need to consider walking the hill in order to be smart in the big picture. I relax shoulders/ everything I can so that I can just plug at this hill. 10:18

Mile 16: this is where it happens. I have to walk.  I am reminded walking uphills doesn’t mean a stroll, so I bent my arms and tried to lose as little time as possible. The people I was near pacewise aren’t really seeming to be gaining much ground on me at this point even though I was walking uphill.  It got a little easier, so I jogged.  Then again just boom we are gaining so much elevation that I notice it is a new temperature and a bit cooler, I walked again fast, and realize, while walking, make use of this time.  I had half a packet of mortal hydration mix in my belt and I had finished one of my water flasks, so I quick pour the powder in my empty flask and at next aid station, I am ready to pour ice water in.  PERFECT.  I quick run into the port o pot here- I don’t think I’m having an emergency, but it is a good time to regroup, I am fast in and out and get going again. 13:10.

Mile 17: So, the hills continue, and there is a point where I am walking and thinking, geez, while I’m walking, maybe I should call someone to let them know that I’m still going and just to “check in”….. and I’m very quickly like (first of all- if you even slightly know me, you know I hate the phone, I do not talk on the phone, so why would I even think about making a phone call), but more importantly--- what am I thinking? That I can get like a “lifeline” of someone to help me with energy?  NO.  just no. NO. You go into a marathon and you are on your own to make it through, no lifelines.  The sun is coming out, it is both once in awhile hot, but then a little breeze of  cool air comes, which I am thankful for.  We are now in these neighborhoods that I would have NEVER SEEN/ never driven through except for this opportunity of a marathon. The people were GREAT. Such fun neighborhoods, so great to see where people live, the local Hawaii vibe, everyone is happy and helpful. A guy had a stand out that had dixie cups with soda, Ohhhh I was so grateful.  I’m continuing to do a run/walk as needed to be smart about the hills.  I want to run as much as possible, so even if it isn’t fast, I do that, but when I realize that the smartest thing to do on the biggest climbs is to walk, I don’t beat myself up. 9:05

Mile 18: There is some rolling hills in here, so I’m thankful for any downhill opportunity honestly! I am telling myself to just be in this mile.  That right now, I am mentally ONLY thinking about getting to 20 miles.  *The plan was at 20 miles things start to go back down in elevation, so I am just trying to stay gritty and work in here.  There is a stand with orange slices, I grab 2 and am so thankful for the tang of the juice. As I’m struggling, I try to keep encouraging others that I also see struggling.  If we are both walking and I start, I would say, come with me, let’s go… OR- if they pass me as I’m walking, I tell them they are doing amazing.  It helps them AND me.  Some people do a slight response, some people have zero response and I realize they are listening to earbuds.  I am slightly annoyed by this- like- that pulls you out of the event we are in- we are in this together, but you cannot really be part of the fabric of what we are doing if you cannot even hear.  Just my opinion. 9:36.

Mile 19: I’m now at the point- with taking in ice cold mortal, which is sooooo good, the 2 tiny sodas, the oranges, along with the ice water dumping over my head that my stomach is having not GI issues…. But definitely it’s clenching and bloating. I feel like my skin on my stomach is so tight I have no room for expanding  my stomach to breathe, so I’m a little bit worried and try to get myself to only take in water so I don’t overdo the stomach. There is huge uphill here and I am walking again, this is all just such a grind.  But I remind myself when walking, “my intention is to be FULL OF JOY in this race” so anytime I walk, I tell myself to LOOK UP! And what do you know? I see immediately this beautiful, deep purple, vibrant flowering bush in someone’s yard. There is beauty everywhere.  The neighborhoods are beautiful, the volunteers are amazing, I am focusing on gratitude for this opportunity and for so much GOOD! 11:51.

Mile 20: Ok, I made mile 20, things will be less hilly now… WRONG. I’m not sure why we are still climbing up.  The elevation profile in the map did not say this.  But, it’s got to be soon, so stop thinking sharon. I am now back to where I am taking 1 sip of mortal at every mile marker and at the half mile markers, taking some water. So, I am just little bit by little bit making it through, doing anything I can to mentally persevere. The hills continue. 10:35

Mile 21: So, we are supposed to be going downhill but we aren’t, but at least we have some rollers in here, up and down.  We come to a neighborhood with tons of cheering and energy.  There is a few women standing in the middle of the road asking if we want them to use what I think was a leaf blower to blow “cold air” on us to “push us up the hill”.  I was so confused.  I am so sorry but I am sure my face was like, whaaaaaattt????  First- do those leaf blowers blow cold air? And also, just NOOOOO I did not want a loud blast of questionable air blasting at me. I shook my head, NO.  I think maybe other people wanted this because they seemed surprised that I didn’t want that? But yea, absolutely NO.

On the other hand, what was AMAZING right past this- was a woman giving out ice soaked washcloths that we could HAVE. OMG I honestly think THIS WASHCLOTH got me through! I ended up holding it in right hand for a mile, then left hand a mile, alternating to the finish line. It was a LIFESAVER!

Another great spectating thing was big BUBBLE machines- actually all sorts of bubble machines- one was a small bubble maker.  Just such little glimmers of joy, and sometimes it was nice to have just “quiet energy” instead of like cowbells (or leaf blowers).  There were also hula dancers on the side, some people keeping a run cadence with drumbeats, which was a highlight also. 10:28.

Mile 22. I’m just waiting, PATIENTLY WAITING for this downhill.  What goes up must come down, so WHEERREEEE IS IT?? And why was the map wrong? I am walking at least one hill in this mile again… I do feel slightly disheartened just because I’m like, “ I spent so much time studying that map, why wasn’t it correct”… I’m now on the “way back” while people are still going out- so I am passing them in the opposite direction.  I notice so many people doing maybe exactly what I considered- they are walking uphills talking on the phone. I have never noticed this.  I’m not a fan at all. I’m shocked by myself that I even considered it, and I m just reminded by how our tendency in the times we live in, is to be so accessible, to have just this fundamental inclination to go to the phone, go to electronics, to be anywhere but PRESENT.  I would have missed so much in this race had I been chatting to someone on the phone. 12:05

Mile 23: here we are at a point where there are 3 (plus a little) miles left. That is this 3 mile loop that I know at home, so I think to myself, you have one of these loops and you’ll have MADE IT! We have some downhill stretch here, I am so thankful to feel my legs actually just doing some running.  I still am taking in Ucan gel sips because I know anything can still happen.  I don’t want to cramp, I need to keep the energy/calories/electrolytes flowing. I need to stay with myself, stay within my energy, keep my mind positive, and NOT NEGOTIATE giving up. 9:28

Mile 24: It is kinda soul crushing to have more hills (UP) now, again.. this was not in the plan. But it is what it is, it’s been 4 miles now of evidence that we are not going all downhill. I walk the steepest part again and then am able to get running again. I was happy that even when I was walking, I would *first remind myself: LOOK UP- see the beauty, be in the intention of why you are here, which is to LOVE EVERY SECOND of this opportunity, then *second, I would make sure my walking wasn't just sauntering. I was trying to go decent so that I wasn't actually losing too much time to the people who were running. (At these inclines, I was lucky that I actually didn't lose too much!) Now, we are coming back towards the ocean which is so comforting. I am trusting myself that I can just manage through.  Every step is willful, every moment, I am using energy to continue willing myself forward, hydrating, switching washcloth hands, pacing myself through my last sips of mortal hydration (new to me this year from the IM 70.3 PA), taking ice water from aid stations. 10:04

Mile 25:  I’ve been WAITING FOR THIS LAST FULL MILE!!!  I wanted to get here, because then I knew, I was going to TALK MYSELF THROUGH to the end.  Here is the time when I had planned to be my own best cheerleader, commentating as if I were Kara Goucher, the BEST RUN COMMENTATOR EVER! And I start some dialogue in my head (don’t worry I wasn’t doing this out loud).  But I began commentating in 3^rd person (sports psych hack- use your mantras in 3^rd person saying your name), so I began:

Sharon is making it through this final mile. She is committed to the finish; She is trusting her training, her body, her mind and her focus to fight through every step.

Sharon has embraced this opportunity of love and passion for this land, she is asking herself to do hard things and to never give up.  This day is happening because she was intentional, and she followed her dreams and her heart. What a gift of a day, a gift of a lifetime!

Every step is a choice, either towards who you want to be, or away from yourself, and every step, she is going in HER direction, in the direction of filling her heart with joy, embracing this PARTY ON THE FEET! 10:07

Mile 26: 9:53.We get to the 26 mile marker and A guy there shouts out: you have 26 miles behind you, now ONLY ½ to the end!  I thought, what an idiot… he doesn’t know that a marathon is 26.2- not another half.  He just doesn’t know.  Then 100 feet down the road a woman yells, “Almost there- another ½ mile.” I literally want to die with these comments (I’m now wondering is there another hill too!!) It doesn’t matter, there is nothing that will stop me at this point. I haven’t even crossed the finish line, but I am already smiling- I know I can make it, I HAVE made it. I never gave up. What a journey.  It was every bit as amazing as I imagined.  It was MORE! I did love every bit of this, even the struggles. I wouldn’t have wanted it anything less than the challenge that it was😊 My heart is so full. A dream fulfilled.

****After the race, I was definitely wiped out, my blood pressure (as expected) dropped and I made sure to lay on the grass a few minutes.  They had these wrap slices there which I thought was a great idea- I got a turkey (like not a whole “wrap” but those segments)- and it had lettuce and tomato and I was so thankful for something like this, until I bit into it and there was bacon inside and I had to literally like roll it out of my mouth before I got sick.  Luckily, they also had diet soda which is just a necessity for me at the end, and chocolate milk, Chobani yogurt.  I think having the milk and yogurt (I kind of spread them out over an hour because so much dairy scared me!!) helped my recovery because I felt honestly fine after I got into dry clothes. I went into the ocean all afternoon and next day was carrying on with more hikes in this magical land, God's playground.

Part of me is curious what my legs would have been able to do if they weren’t sore from the 10 mile hike day that I did down to the canyon/back up/ then to the napali coast… but honestly I wouldn’t change that- those hikes are unforgettable. I’d love to go back and do this race again… (or just live there!)

 I didn't stop smiling much for this entire 26.2:) Ended up winning my NEW and OLDER age group! and was 10th woman overall- very proud of that, but mostly just proud of going after my dream and training really hard, putting myself completely out there!