What are you afraid of?
4 weeks ago, I sprained my ankle. It was horrible, actually. I still sometimes flash back in my mind about
the landing, the literal 90 degree angle that I found myself coming down on,
along with the noise, which I was sure meant something had broken.
There was a pause where I was trying to gulp back the fall I
had just taken…. Say it didn’t happen…. I didn’t want to reconcile in my head
what this meant for all the plans I had coming up. I had just been sick for 2
weeks, winter has been excruciating cold, and the world… well. Let’s just say
that there was a lot of despair and angst. I need to be able to move my body
and have something that I love. And I was in the midst of training a teen
athlete, so was quickly navigating how to cut the session short and hopefully
he wouldn’t have to carry me up the stairs!
I got myself up the stairs, ice on and it was throbbing. It
began swelling very quickly and I’ll admit, I was very quickly at work thinking
forward despite what I think may have been a low dose shock. I was praying and emailing
a few of my closest friends to please pray for me. I stated that I was really scared, and could
they pray for it to not be as bad as what I think it might be.
A sweet friend texted me back, asking me what I was scared
of. The first blessing of this was that I knew how true and kind and caring a
person she was, so I knew that it wasn’t meant as an accusation or snarky- like
that I had nothing to be afraid of. I knew she genuinely wanted to know, so
that she could pray for me. The second
blessing was in coming INTO myself to think and calm down and pause to actually
answer that question. I was lying on the couch with my leg up and ice packs on
it, and I remember realizing: OK- I can name this. I am scared of #1. Not being able to work and
2. Not being able to exercise to keep myself mentally healthy.
All of a sudden, even though I was still scared, it seemed
manageable. I could name it. And in
naming it, there was at least hope that, even if it was the worst possible, that
those were the things that I would be addressing primarily, and I knew what I
was facing.
This really opened my eyes to the power of taking a pause
and taking things/feelings/fear one step further by acknowledging the
underlying real and true fears. In handling anxiety in my life- so related and
intertwined in fear, I know I could be helped by pausing and naming it.
Addressing it more specifically, named and directly- something defined, rather
than a huge feeling of doom and intense weight on my being.
For athletes, including myself, before races- that feeling
of fear/trepidation/nervousness… could also be addressed and looked at square
in the eye. What are you nervous about?
If I am feeling nervous about the swim, I can address that, self-talk myself
through the fact that I have done all the training that I knew was the right
thing. If someone is nervous they will
underperform compared to expectations, there can be a conversation and
acknowledgement of the things that need addressing there. So simple, yet so profound.
For exercisers that are just beginning a new workout
program, personal training sessions, format of a group class that are feeling
intimidated- even then- addressing the tension of unknowing, stepping into
something new, can be attended to by speaking truth to feelings.
These days, our world is full of uncertainty. Most of us are
feeling fear. And maybe there is the opportunity here also as I’ve learned in
the past 4 weeks to say to the big feelings, Hello big cloud of uncertainty,
the top things I fear in this cloud are……And in those things, we can take some
action. Action alleviates anxiety. We
can do this.
Beyond having a life lesson in being specific/naming fear, it was a big hug to my
heart- that I had the gift of someone digging deeper and asking me that
question. There was trust on both sides that it could be asked and received😊
Blessings even in the sprained ankle department.