Monday, August 18, 2025

On being 50!!!!!!!!!!!

 

On being 50…

 one week from today... I turn half a CENTURY!!

I am seeing life with a new lens of meaning and gratitude.

I am realizing and seeing that over the course of life, so many prayers have been answered, of course not on my time frame, yet in due/the right time. I am seeing beauty from scars and hope in valleys, and an ability to see that goodness abounds. I am learning that time gives life an amazing perspective.

Even as I realize I am simply not meant for cold weather and cannot seem to find an appreciation for it, I see and realize the glorious earth that holds our feet. I have always appreciated nature, but now I know very deeply that being outdoors speaks to my soul.  I find beauty in raindrops on flowers and grasses, delight in birdsong, animals that I find along my way, and awe in the sun and moon patterns. The diversity of leaves, patterns of bark on trees, the miracle of so many different flower structures can hold my attention and fill me up with awe. And that doesn’t even count staring at the ocean, feeling my toes in the sand, being on a miraculous beach. The sounds of birds chirping, seeing herons next to the lake, deer watching me run by, bunnies in the morning just make me smile.

Let me be clear that not everything is always rosy.  Yet, despite daily frustrations, I see the big picture of life being purposeful and the challenges being opportunities, the disappointments leading to growth. I catch myself more often now when I am in a place where I need to be careful and pause, step back and ask myself what it is that I need to take care of myself better. I have reminders, mantras, and knowings that while they may not always come naturally to me, they have been learned deeply, and I have the capability now to self-talk myself into the truth that brings a settled sense to my heart. I practice saying, “may I remember”often.

I’m learning to trust myself more. I don’t need any accolades from others, I don’t need to step into anyone else’s lane or race, and there is a strong inner voice leading me to exactly what is right for me. This is a huge battle for me to learn to trust my truth, and I will continue to be intentional about having the confidence to listen inwards and respond accordingly.

I am finding that what is right for me has changed. I still love following my goals, but the goals have changed, and the intensity has changed. I used to of course have time/race/performance goals, and I still do, however they are much softer and woven with meaning and life. I want these goals to work well in the fullness of my life; I am no longer willing to risk other things that are important to me to attain my full peak. It has to make sense to me in a deeper way. It has to be in alignment with my whole being and purpose.

Oftentimes now, I realize that less is more.

Professionally, I am full of gratitude at age 50 that I have done so much to follow my dreams and passion, and also have a chance on a daily basis to connect with people, change lives, and frankly be really good at what I do. It is with an inner sense of pride that I know I can see the big picture in what I do and that I am now coming from a place of having over 25 years of experience building the base of what I do, and I see how much I am connecting in the developing of fitness, wellness and health plans for people. I have a profound confidence that I am not really in competition with anyone else at this point, there isn’t a scarcity mindset that often has plagued me through life. It makes me smile to think that I didn’t necessarily get to do what I originally wanted to do as a career, yet… the end result is probably even better.

As I near 50, I appreciate not needing to explain myself or make excuses for following my path. It is ok with my heart that I might just not be everyone’s cup of tea.

Maybe most of all, I have been through some hard times that I wouldn’t choose. And yet….. here I am. Through the hardest times, through despair, loss, disappointment, I have learned that I can trust myself. And the harder those times have been, the more I see how I can depend on myself.  I have the tools and resources within, as a human… of 50 years…. To figure things out. To cope. To get through the day. And sometimes that isn’t easy, but it is the necessary task of the day. I now realize these lessons may not have been learned without the really rough times.

Through the years, I have also learned that I have “a right.”  A right to it all.  A right to speak, to feel my feelings, to be, to breathe easy, a right to make choices for myself. These may seem small, but it has been huge. I can unapologetically speak up for myself, I can go in the direction of my dreams. I can be who I am. Hardest of all, I have learned to sit. Some of you know that sitting on my porch is a love of mine, but it actually has taken work to be okay with that, to trust that I don’t need to be grinding nonstop to prove my worth. I can sit. I can be. As I often say in yoga, “nothing more, nothing less.”

I am in daily prayer and conversation and praise with God. I am so lucky to have zero doubts about my faith and what I believe. A lesson I’ve learned over the years that I hold near is that “God is with me, God is for me, and He absolutely loves me.” I am a child of God and I realize that I am lucky to have had the experiences that I have had to lead me to a place of true believing. Each day, I am blessed by waking up and I daily say a prayer of thanks for the gift of the day ahead.

50 years old is obviously a great milestone to reach, and I’m thankful and excited about it. While all of these positive thoughts may make it seem like life is just a joyous party, let me be clear that I’m not feeling daily like I’m living large and easy. In fact, days can be hard, stressful, frustrating and anxiety ridden. And yet I have gained some inner strength that helps me through, that helps me work to stay grounded where I am. Each day, I have tools that I can use to lighten a heavy load and keep a feeling of hope in my heart. I am thankful for the gift of each day.

Wednesday, August 6, 2025

CULPEPER TRI 2025

 

CULPEPER 2025

This was my 2nd year doing Culpeper. I was shocked to do it last year for the first time and find that I had been missing such a great race that is only slightly over an hour away, a beautiful course.

This year, my preparation was not very specific at all because I had all eyes on the 70.3PA in June, then recovered from that and got right into my marathon build for end of August.  I did keep some biking and swimming going, but I do feel like I was just trying to ride the coattails of whatever fitness I could hold onto from the PA race.  And I was ok with that! 

My goals going in were: to feel solid in my preparation, strong on race day and to have a safe race. (I do not want any weird things happening before Hawaii).

I went down race morning and got set up uneventfully. They announced that the water temperature was 87 degrees.  I thought they were being sarcastic. Nope.  I actually was super nervous about this because I was worried there would be the possibility of bad water quality, but also that I would get that mushy/melty feeling that I sometimes get in the pool when the pool water is too warm. I’ve never been nervous about the water being too warm! Luckily, when we went off in the water, everyone seemed to string out with their various paces nicely and I never got that feeling of warm water fatigue.  The course did seem “long”—like I just felt like it was taking a long time.  I don’t think that I went off course because it was fairly straightforward and I remained on the buoys all the time, but my gps said it was 1800 m and my time was almost a minute slower than last year, which I was surprised because I actually felt pretty good during it.  That’s ok, it is what it is, I did exactly as I wanted to in this swim portion.

T1- I was nervous and I let it get into my head about the hill after transition, and my new bike shoes.  Long story short, I Had them clipped in as I normally do, but got in my head and just decided to get off my bike and take shoes off/ put them on, etc.  A reminder to trust myself and know that I know myself and could have done this/ to not get caught up in a spiraling thought pattern.

Once I was actually on my bike, I was happy and biking along!  The course is beautiful and I enjoyed the first loop! I did NOT enjoy the 2nd loop really one single bit.  We were then mixed in with the sprint distance triathletes and there were too many people on these small, windy, twisty roads who were N OT STAYING RIGHT arghhhh.. so I kept yelling on your left… people would not move back in…. I’d have to say it again quickly and since the roads weren’t closed, I knew I shouldn’t cross into other side of the road.  I hated it.  It was unsafe.

I started the run and last year LOVED THE RUN and FELT SO STRONG and steady and oh my… I did not have that experience this year!!!!! The first big hill up just seemed so hard and long and I know last year I mentally had the plan of first mile just settle and so I tried that again. However, things didn’t get better.  It seemed to just get hotter and hotter! I tried every time we were in a bit of shade to let myself use that shade to keep my heart rate and feeling of effort from spiking too high and then in the sun, I reminded myself of how tan I was getting !!!!! There were only water stations on one side of the road, so for a 2 loop course, it really wasn’t adequate and I was trying to get ice water at each station to drink as well as pour over myself. My legs were tired, but it was mostly just the OPPRESSIVE feeling of high heart rate and making sure I didn’t literally cook myself over the line of what would be sustainable to get to the end. I brought a flask of mortal hydration, which I now LOVE, and I was really thankful to have that. I was trying to say good job to everyone out there that I either passed or whoever it seemed needed it- people were walking with calf cramps in a big way, and I imagine a lot of that was due to heat/sweat/electrolytes.

There were no port o pots on the course and everything seemed ok until mile 5.  And then, I Honestly was like… GET TO THE FINISH SOON BC….. you know…. So, I did and I made it… but… I think there could def. be a port o pot added, mercy.

I love the proximity of this race, but I’m honestly not too sure if I would do again because of the danger of the bike course.

The finish line/ after race was great.  They had diet soda which is a huge hit for me.  They had individually wrapped sandwiches and watermelon slices, so I was a fan! Overall, I’m glad I did the race since I’m only doing 2 tri’s this year most likely, and would really love to do it again if I felt confident in the bike safety.

Thursday, July 24, 2025

What is YOUR SUCCESS?

 

WHAT DOES SUCCESS LOOK LIKE TO YOU?

We spend so much of our life chasing success. Each day, we are after something, right? We wouldn’t do the jobs we do, go after our goals unless we had hope for success. But often, we don’t really pause and step back and evaluate- really- what does success look and feel like?

At the end of the day, at the end of the training cycle, the work of the project, the raising of kids, what does success look like? What does it feel like? Are we going to find that we were climbing a ladder that was propped against the wrong wall all along? If we don’t really become true and clear on the pillars and definition of our success, we may well find that our energy didn’t even bring us to the place we wanted to go…. Simply because, well, we had our work in a misguided lane or were lacking clarity on our intentions.

It’s an interesting thing to find that success in the end often comes back to simply success in the process, in the work, the building, problem solving, adjusting, showing up. We tend to have this long-term mindset on the pinnacle, the main event far off in the future, when today is the real main event. It is always this series of smaller successes. What we put off, what we don’t go after today, we are effectively making a choice to steer away from our dream. If we aren’t going towards it, we are going away from it. If we aren’t intentionally placing our attention and taking action on the process, we are sliding further away.

If we don’t take the time to pause and discern our real truth of success, we might confuse success with a comparison against someone else’s success. If we end up in 2nd place, were we not successful? The definition of success shouldn’t be a black and white #1 or gold medal ranking, or even in other avenues- the job, the sale, the promotion, because your journey can be very successful even when, at this moment, someone landed higher/better/faster/further. They are in their lane; you are in your lane. So, what is success in YOUR lane. How can you position yourself to do the work, the buildup and preparation, so that you know fully, you already have success in some ways even before the outcome is decided.

And I know to some extent this all sounds hokey. Of course there is one winner- that certainly is success. AND it can be ALSO true that not being #1 can be a success, depending on what you have defined as success and your intentions that keep you committed to the process. As in goal setting, success can have layers and levels, intention on the journey matters.

This past week, I’ve been having my focus on INTENTIONS – even more than ever. I always know the purpose of my workout or training plan for the day, and I always set a yoga intention for any practice I do. But going even deeper, I wake up and try to set an intention of gratitude for the gift of this day, but also what success looks like on that day.  If I have a phone conversation, be it work or personal, I try to set an intention.  In all of my sessions, classes, trainings, I have a clear intention- what am I fully trying to do- not just the workout (but of course that is important also) but more fully- I want people to leave feeling better than they came, I want them to have laughed or felt light hearted, or proud of themselves or inspired. Living intentionally driven has reminded me to focus on the why, the purpose, the heart of each thing.  It has reminded me at times that- I can spend less energy on this thing possibly- the intention may be just to do the thing (maybe cook the dinner!) with the least amount of my effort, just getting the job done and not letting it deplete my energy. The layers of success are built with awareness of intention after intention, each step of the way.

Tuesday, July 1, 2025

ALWAYS KNOW YOUR WHY...

 

Why am I running the Kauai Marathon?

I am giddy with excitement that in less than 2 months, I will be running in the Kauai marathon. This will be my 3rd visit to Kauai, my first time in this particular marathon, and maybe my 10th ish marathon ever?  (I need to go back to count, I stopped counting marathons when I did an Ironman and didn’t know if that marathon should be counted)... I digress…

WHY- the question of why we decide to do things is always important, and it is often this clear and heartfelt “why” that brings you through rough patches along the way. The answer to this question for me is both so very simple and also woven with complexity and meaning.

The simple answer is that I somehow have had the Aloha spirit running through my blood since I was a kid. We visited Hawaii when I was 13 and I KNEW I was at home. As it does to so many, the Hawaiian air speaks to my soul in a way that can bring me to tears.  To ignore this truth and inner knowing that I deeply sense in this magical land would be against who I am. There is a deep pull of my heart in Hawaii, and I will follow!



2 days after my 50th birthday is when I travel to run this marathon, and what a gift to myself it will be to celebrate in such a special way! Now- the complicated part is that I am traveling solo to this race. I began traveling solo in 2019 and have learned and grown so much by having the courage to step out into the unknown alone. I feel like it is a complicated decision to travel solo as I am married and have two kids.  Both my children will be leaving for college a week or so before I travel this time, but even in these past years, I have made it a priority to take time for myself to travel alone. I have gone through many feelings about this- selfishness, guilt, fear and excitement. However, after each trip, and even during, there is a full inner knowing that this time is so important and special and good.

These trips remind me of who I am. I have time to do exactly the things that light up my heart, fuel my soul, and it is the one chance as a mom that I don’t have to be prioritizing others in front of listening to my own self. It is a treasure to wake up for the sunrise, do yoga with my toes in the sand, eat when and what I want, hike, swim, run, exercise all the things I love to do without worrying about anyone else’s thoughts on this schedule.  I can unapologetically be myself.



When you decide to listen to your own heart, take care of yourself fully, it can be hard and new.  We aren’t always taught how to take care of ourselves, or that it is even the right thing to do. It is thought of as unnecessary, selfish, over the top. Yet I have learned, that we cannot do the work of this lifetime of ours, live our truest life if we aren’t in a space where we can first fill our own cup to be able then to share. To honor and love ourselves so that we can then have the fullest capacity to do the same for others.

I’ll be honest, when I arrive on the Hawaiian Islands, my cheeks hurt within a few hours because I just cannot stop smiling. I have a deep sense of awe, my senses are on overload, and I am reminded that God created an absolute masterpiece. It is absurdly magical. But I also have a sense sometimes of an element of fear in traveling alone, which reminds me of why I MUST go. The fears are varied- both legitimate and not. I worry that I won’t be able to undo the lock of the vrbo that I am staying in (why do I sometimes find those lockboxes so hard to get into/ in the dark, I’m still unsure of my surroundings at that point). I have the usual worries that I will be hiking and come back to find my rental car windows shattered, or any of the things that can happen.  I worry that I will be too nervous to go eat alone, enjoy a drink at happy hour all by myself.  I don’t want to feel like I am undeservedly taking up space somewhere without having someone next to me. And in going, in showing up and doing the thing that gives me some pause and hesitation, I build self-confidence and remind myself that I have everything I need to take care of myself. I remember that I am worthy on my own. I am not afraid to sit by myself and enjoy time by myself, I don’t need to apologize. I learn that I can handle the little things that go wrong on a trip, as they do. I can depend on myself. There is enormous power in learning to trust myself, in learning that it is okay to take time by myself, that I can fully enjoy being with my own self.

And what better place to learn these lessons than in Kauai, my heaven on earth! Now, why can I not just go and vacation in Kauai without the marathon?  Well, I could.  But, I’ve done marathons and triathlons for nearly 30 years, and just as traveling solo teaches me about myself, so do marathons. I run my own fitness company called Rising Sun Fitness, and I fully believe in practicing what I teach, walking the walk, and doing hard things. It makes me a better coach and trainer and person to be in the arena of these challenges.

When I’m running in marathons and moving through the land on my own two feet, I feel connected with the spaces that I’m moving through, the land that I’m on. I get to fully experience the place that I’m in, be in complete awareness of body, breath, the air around I’m connected with, how I’m willing myself forward, how I’m in connection with runners surrounding me going through similar struggles. In the training, and the race itself, I am often forced to peel the layers down to my deepest self, to find what I am made of.

 I still have the fire to do hard and uncomfortable things. I’m never sure of the result, but I’m still willing to put myself into that vulnerable spot of stepping into the arena. I love the practice of fighting self-doubt, empowering myself by training my body and mind together- one just as important as the other.  And so it goes- day by day, magic is created. You practice becoming the person you want to be, asking yourself questions about your tenacity and will, and then doing the thing. Taking the action. Showing up for yourself, becoming the strongest version of yourself possible. Feeling the exhilaration of the work and preparation being molded into the fiber of your being, and stepping into life fully, living with awe, awareness and respect for the life we are in. Living the Aloha spirit, essentially! This is my WHY!



Wednesday, June 18, 2025

Ironman 70.3 PA- 2025

 Ironman 70.3 PA

Ironman 70.3 PA Happy Valley PA (2025) (FIRST RACE IN new age group as a 50 year old!)

I am so excited for this race report. This race was really special in so many ways. Some initial info: the last 1/2Ironman distance race I did was in 2022. Previously I did one a year, but then I took a break for a few years (plus covid), and lately I have just had other priority races that I preferred to sign up for. A ½ Ironman is really a big commitment and the ones that are most convenient geographically to get to happened to be in the calendar time of kids graduating, kids in their sports seasons/ tournament time, etc. I signed up for this one for a few reasons:  namely it was held almost exactly 75 days before Ryan’s Aunt’s 75th birthday and she lives near Penn State, where the race would be- so it would be a perfect time to go up there and celebrate her (plus Ryan comes from a PSU family, so I figured it would be looked favorably upon!!!!!) AND…….. I am turning 50 this year and I wanted to do a solid 70.3 distance as a “big thing” for myself😊 (among others!)

I knew my race goal was to FINISH. I am no longer interested in being full throttle all eyes on the prize training- I train really hard and focused, and I care a lot, but I also have a realization (thank God by age 50 I have gotten here) that I can only do what I can do. I want to challenge myself and put it all out there knowing that I gave it everything and see where the cards fall.  And at the same time, honor my limits especially with my hip/back – I know I cannot cross a certain line of  speed without an exponential risk of injury, so my speed will now always be limited. I have learned that is okay and I would rather participate at a level that maybe once would have been disappointing to me, rather than push myself too much and risk the ability to be out there.

I began training over the winter- Jan/Feb timeframe- and things were going really well. Until I got sick. Then I was on my way back (hopefully) and sprained my ankle quite bad. So, this was a huge concern.  I didn’t even know if I’d be able to do the race. Once I got to the point that I could, I realized that I was going to use this as an OPPORTUNITY- to do every single thing I could to train what I could until I could run again.  I cycled, swam, strength, rehabbed, I was possibly even MORE committed. I really got back into long hours on the bike, which was really a blessing in disguise. I’ve not been nearly as committed to biking the past 5 years, so it was really a nice different direction to go with my training.

I trained hard, committed to the plan I made for myself.  I made a promise to follow my plan as I would expect someone that I coach; meaning- life happens, so maybe a workout blows up, and you do what you can and adjust if things need to be. I trained with high expectations of myself to prepare fully and execute the training.

RACE WEEK: I was ridiculously terrified and obsessed with the weather report. Any thought that I could do this race, that I was prepared went out the window. I do NOT like one single bit to ride my bike in rain.  I do not like it and I do not do it. I also find it dangerous. PARTICULARLY if you are climbing mountains in PA and DESCENDING. So, I was nonstop thinking about what was going to happen with the weather. Not only because I don’t think it is fun to bike in rain, but because of the danger.  I simply don’t like to take that risk. I cannot describe the mental discussions constantly taking place in my brain about what this meant. I didn’t trust that I would or could do a race in the pouring and it was saying thunderstorms also, and… nope.

The day before the race the weather shifted and it looked like maybe we wouldn’t even have any more rain for the race! I was overjoyed. And now, so hopeful. Of course, it was supposed to still be cloudy, low percent chance rain, so not my favorite conditions of sun, but now things were possible.  I was back on.

RACE START: I possibly should have looked up logistics a little better about how far of a drive it was to PSU from Ryan’s aunts house and then to lake because what ended up happening was that I woke up at 2:40AM to get to PSU by 4 to board a bus to get to the lake for the start. (start and finish of this race were not in same location). I knew it was going to be a long day, but then again honestly, if I had stayed at a hotel- I still would have been up at 4- so it would have only been another 1:20 of sleep, so it still doesn’t seem worth it to me to get a hotel. Anyway. Boarded bus, got to lake. IT WAS A MUDPIT.

We were not allowed to have shoes clipped into pedals, for T1, which I usually do, and I knew transition was going to be a mess because you would step on the ground and it was like “mud quick sand” your feet went down INTO the earth (mud). It was disgusting. So, pre-race I adjusted to this and tried to get a plan.  PLUS,  well, it was raining. And COLDER than I thought.  I had brought some simple cloth/dollar store/throw away gloves that I thought I’d wear for a bit. These ended up saving me so much, thank goodness I did that. I wore them the entire bike ride. (more on that later).

SWIM: We went off in a rolling start 3 people each 5 seconds.  I don’t prefer that start- I like to start in age groups, but I will admit- it worked really well. It seemed like people were really strung out on this one loop course. It was clockwise- I lined up on the inside because my preferred side to breathe is right plus it was shortest tangent, and worked awesome. It was a race where I never had any weird feelings or worries or breathing issues. I started honestly pretty easy and calm and really just kept that mentality going. I was so thankful during the swim for that.  Since it was raining and there was no sun, it was also nice to never have the sun in our eyes blinding our sighting of buoys. The course was well marked, kayaks were helpful in keeping the lines of the buoys. It may have literally been my favorite swim I ever did. I don’t think it was fast (I’ll be honest I haven’t even looked at my data yet- that is how much I really just prefer right now to go by FEEL- how did this FEEL- not the pace- but I felt STRONG and SOLID and that is honestly all I need). I actually enjoyed the swim, even though it was raining.  (Also, I should mention… it was wetsuit legal! So, this helped me to have some nice floating assistance!)



Transition- went through the mud pit, mounted and was off. It wasn’t fast, but no one was and I was being calm and just doing my own thing.

BIKE: There was like a 1 mile out and back where I think they were just trying to get the total distance up to 56 miles for the bike, but I took it as a kind of extended transition where I got settled, was pulling my gloves on while I was biking so there was some messing around with that, I had a banana that I basically shoved down the front of my tri suit that I ate for the first 20 miles of the bike (proving apparently that I have zero cares about what my race photos end up looking like, because in the run portion later, I also had food/fuel shoved in the front of my race suit)! The first hour was really nice and flat. We began what I would soon learn was a tour of so many farms and a huge highlight was all of the Amish family and children on the course cheering for us! They were having so much fun and this was IN THE RAIN- around 8am-9am in the rain- blankets of cute amish kids sitting cheering for us.  Young kids all the way through teenagers all over the course. The parents sitting in groups on porches cheering, with cowbells. They were the best spectators! I waved back to the groups cheering us on, it was so helpful.  I also know that is a mental tool to really engage as long as you can, keep the happy feelings flowing, knowing there will be a time that I do not feel like smiling at people!



It was raining and windy and 20-40 miles were full of hills and climbs. One significant climb in here, but I handled it well and kept my fueling consistent.  One reason I was being even more cautious on the fueling was….. I had packed my Heed electrolyte drink mix in a ziplock in my bags for the weekend and could not FIND IT race morning so I was only carrying water. I was nervous about that, so just tried to make sure I got all the calories in that I needed for the distance. At 25 miles I started taking a fig newton every 3-5 miles to keep blood sugar steady.  I was trying to make sure anytime there wasn’t wind gusts to grab the food then, either banana out of my suit, or fig newton in my bento box, so that I could get my hands back on bike because it was slippery. My body looked like a bad windshield already, I was caked with mud everywhere. But I was having fun with the course and the fun spectators, cows on the side, beautiful farms we drove by.


Well I at least need to tell about the Center Hall Mountain climb. This is a 4 mile climb starting at mile 40 that leads to “Mount Nittany.” It was lined at the bottom with spectators with bells so I figured this was the start to the notorious climb and was just open to whatever was to come. It was raining, and again I am so thankful that I had those gloves because they helped me to grip. As we were just grinding in our smallest chainrings up this climb, there was a beautiful stream on the side of the road which from the huge amount of rain over the weekend and days leading up to the race was now just GUSHING with water.  It reminded me of the smoky mountains, it was really beautiful and I was thankful to glance over and see the creek, hear the sounds. There were switchbacks up this mountain and every time we would turn I’d look up and be like you are JOKING ME because I thought, ohhh maybe this is the top soon????  Well, it got whiter and whiter as we went further into a cloud. When we got to what was “Mt Nittany overlook” we had zero view. I could not see the cyclist in front of me and now we had to go DOWN THE MOUNTAIN. I was literally terrified thinking, what do I do?  But… I wasn’t about to get off…. (I mean what would I do up there except freeze) so here I go, down the white mountain, trying to not brake too hard, but also brake as much as I could, meanwhile, my body is just locked in still, trying to keep myself from sliding and upright and core engaged, shoulders down, the wind got so cold, my arm skin was freezing, shoulders and forearms so cold.  I made it to the bottom without crashing which was my prayer.  Once I started pedaling again I realized my toes and feet were blocks.  They had zero feeling, completely numb, as were my fingers. I worried because sometimes this can be the end of it for me.  So I tried to do little movements of my toes inside my shoes. Tried to do little finger moves before my fingers went to the full pain of Raynauds. At this point, we have 10-15 miles left of the bike, so I am realizing, OK: I think I’m going to make it and energy is still okay, so keep fueling and keep within yourself.  Keep steady, keep your hands from dying, stay mentally engaged and get there patiently.


The final 5 miles were some more ridiculous hills that I was like I cannot believe we are STILL CLIMBING. What goes up, does NOT COME DOWN in a point to point race with elevation gain of 3462 feet! I was honestly so proud of myself that I made it through the end- not just a hard bike course, but in the rain, keeping myself fueled, positive, and steady and patient throughout.  I definitely played it a little conservative knowing that I had a half marathon still, and was really proud of my effort and plan so far!

T2: Well, I got to T2 and was NOW worried my day was over.  I could not get my helmet off because I couldn’t feel my fingers and could not work the clasp without any feeling in my fingers.  After 60-90 seonds of trying, I was about to ask a volunteer if they could help me, but I got it.  Then I couldn’t get my shoes on with my fingers not working, or pick up my race belt and get the stuff into the pockets (our transitions weren’t lined out as a normal tri- we had to have all of our T2 stuff in a bag the day before, so essentially had to dump it out figure it out during transition).  I ran into the bathroom to pee before heading out and realized I hadn’t brought my water flask. Oh my gosh. 2nd hydration mistake of the day.  But.. I wasn’t going back. At least I had brought my gel and blocks for calories.

 

RUN: So, I exited transition and was so happy to see Phoebe, Ryan, and Aunt Claudia cheering for me! I was finally on my own two feet- no risk of crashes or flats anymore and it was all up to me now. I wasn’t sure how this course was going to go, I hadn’t been able to run any of it, and so I was just open to following the route and seeing what I saw.  It was 2 loops, and my thought was, ok, go out and “be curious” on the first loop- see how you feel, and see what you see, have no pace expectations, and when things get really tough, “go sightseeing” as if I was touring the college.

Well, first things first though.  Within the first ¼ mile I thought OMG I’m going to possibly have to go to the hospital.  My fingers were so numb, which is normal for my cold hands with Raynaud’s, BUT: I felt like they were blocks that were going in the wrong direction, like my fingers were going backwards.  They were so numb, but just also a different sensation than what I have previously had. I knew they had hurt and were so cold on the bike and I had worried that it was going to be a problem. The bike gloves that I wore were soaked from the rain at the end of the bike.  I normally don’t wear socks with my run shoes, but I had put a pair of socks in my transition bag for run in case my feet were super muddy or I felt like I might need them because of the pouring rain. I realized that what I could do is try to use my socks as “mittens”! HA!  So…. I did that and honestly. It SAVED my race possibly. I had grabbed those socks during transition, stuffed them into the shoulder of my tri suit and brought them with me. I balled my hands up inside my socks and tried to fist them up and do some hand movement to warm them.  After 4 miles, I realized my hands were going to be ok! I am still honestly really thankful. Yes, I did feel like a fruitcake running with socks on my hands, but it was for me the perfect “survival strategy”!

During these first 4 miles of the run, I felt solid and steady (mostly focusing on hands and the course, trying to remain calm and have no expectations. I started taking my UCAN gel at mile 1. Every mile I’d have a few sips. Through mile 4/5, I started to feel myself get a little fatigued, and I had a little worry/awareness to make sure I had a plan to manage my energy. I was mentally trying to break the race into sets of 4 miles. 3x 4 miles which would then get me to just the final mile.  However, since it was two loops, that didn’t match up, but I figured that the halfway point would give me another “boost.”  At mile 5, we were weaving in and out of pathways on campus and it was windy and technical with sharp turns which kind of were hard and causing extra work, but I kept thinking- ok, finish this loop to just see what the loop is and then you will be on the final loop! The final mile of the first loop was really hard all uphill.  I was definitely feeling the struggle. I slowed down. (also I had to stop to use a port o pot at I think mile 5 but it was super quick and not a troubling situation, such as I’ve had in past run races, so very grateful).

I kept myself focused on getting to the halfway point and getting through the stadium again because that was so cool!  GUYS: LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT RUNNING THROUGH THE PSU football stadium. THIS WAS FREAKING COOL.  I’m not even a football fan. And it was RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME. So cool. It was amazing.  The entire race was worth it right there.  To imagine what that would be like to be one of those players in this stadium was just amazing.  I was looking around as we did a lap on the perimeter of the turf.  I feel so lucky to have had this experience. I am so surprised by how cool this felt like to me!  I’m not joking that it was like 9.8/10 cool! So, that renewed me.


2nd loop: Yes, I was worried, 6.5 more miles is still a long way.

I realized I was getting tired energetically, along with leg fatigue, and so I realized I possibly needed some caffeine.  The aid stations were AWESOME and every mile. I thought: next aid station, I’m going to get coke. I am not used to drinking coke (at all, but def not in the middle of a workout).  And I realize this is against the rule of not doing something new in races, but I also knew I needed it.  (and I’ve done it before- ironman races). So, mile 7, I again went to the port o pot, but then told myself to walk through the aid station while sipping the coke (thinking that may be easier to let it go in without bothering my stomach).  I did that.  I also got a piece of a maurten bar they were handing out (which again- I have not ever tried- major rule break here because don’t try new things, but I kinda felt like I Needed a solid/ not a gel).  I didn’t have it at the same time as the coke, but thought I’ll save it in case I need it. 


NEXT Goal: get to mile 8 because then I would mentally be on my last “set” of 4 miles. There were  rolling hills through the campus and I def could feel it and just thought keep going. Whereas on the bike, I was passing basically everyone, I did get passed on the run. There were some people just FAST. I thought, Sharon do not focus on THAT. There are just as many people that are walking, or struggling that you are passing, so everyone is in their own lane.  It reminded me to stay within myself. This helped. Mile 8, another walk through aid station and more coke.  I felt these coke/caffeine/sugar surges, THANK GOODNESS!!!!! So thankful!  Mile 9: I took a bite of that bar. Oh it was so good to chew something honestly. Like food-ish. It was heaven. Another boost! I kept plugging. I wasn’t fast, but I was smooth and feeling efficient and solid. I kept saying to myself, keep pressing, keep pushing.  I wanted to press forward, only think positive. I knew that if I just kept little bit by little bit not negotiating with the pain, I could continue. Mile 10: I was feeling really huge in my stomach bloated from the coke bubbles, the jostling/ sugar/ food intake and was worried as I was starting to feel uncomfortable in my stomach so I skipped this aid station. I literally was just “expanding” and my stomach was bloating,getting big and uncomfortable with the jostling and I didn’t want to run into a problem.  

Mile 11: This aid station was actually a little bit after 11 and I thought ok!!!!!! THIS IS IT! Take something to get you to mile 12! AND THEN YOU WILL HAVE 1 mile left and you CAN MAKE IT!!!!! This was my last walk through (probably 5-10 sec of walking) and each time I definitely did get that boost from the caffeine/sugar combination in the soda (also def was feeling the bloating from the bubbles so that wasn’t good- that wouldn’t have been sustainable for long because it was definitely getting uncomfortable).

I tried to stay steady through this mile, mentally patient and plugging along, pushing and pressing forward, when I Hit the 1 mile left mark, I did have enough to start to push myself, even if it was really an uphill final mile that was difficult, I put all the effort into it that I could!

I was so happy to turn the corner for the last maybe .1 that was flat along the finish chute with the spectators. I was so proud of myself, and it felt honestly awesome to say that to myself, about myself.  I did it. It’s what I do, and I still have the fire to do hard and uncomfortable things. I’m never sure of the result, but I’m still willing to put myself into that vulnerable spot of stepping into the arena. I love the practice of fighting self doubt, to practice empowering myself by training my body and mind together- one just as important as the other.  Day by day, it all matters. And so it goes- day by day, magic is created. You practice becoming the person you want to be, asking yourself questions about your tenacity and will, and then doing the thing. Taking the action. Showing up for yourself, becoming the strongest version of yourself possible. This is why I’m proud. I couldn’t tell you my numbers, splits, paces, times (although I will look them up and post at the end for future reference), but I can tell you the FEELING. What it feels like to have prepared, worked, and stepped off the sidelines and INTO life fully, with no guarantees.


I do love races so much. This one will always be really special.  What a really fun day of all the things, all the emotions, all the feelings. As is life.

Taking a week light to recover and rest, then back into it for Kauai Marathon training!

STATS:

(from my gps):

Swim 41:01, 2331 yds

T14:48

Bike 3:02 (15:25/13:47/14:49/15:30/15:28/16:45/14:12/20:30/19:50/14:26/16:43/4:38)

T2 4:33

Run2:01:02

(9:15/8:42/7:59/9:308:18/8:53/9:45/10:52/10:06/9:16/9:27/9:02/9:30/ 0:23?)

 

 

 


Wednesday, April 30, 2025

What are you TRYING to do these days?

 

TRYING.

As part of my job, I am in a position to often see how people show up, how they bring themselves to a workout, through a workout or challenge or race in ways both physical and mental.

One of my favorite quotes (from my favorite movie, Serendipity) is, “The Greeks didn’t write obituaries, they had one sentence, “Did they live with passion?”  I was reminded this week, in a similarly succinct question, that succeeding often means- “Did you try?”

**Funny note - immediately after I heard this reminder about success being a result of trying and effort, I was running sprints, saw someone I knew who said, “are you sprinting?!” and I yelled out, “I’m TRYING!” HA!  It hit me right away- that I know who I am- I am always in the effort, always trying.  I’m a person, if I decide something is worthwhile, I give it my all, I try fully.

Now, on the flip side, the word “try” is also a trigger for me!  BECAUSE- there is nothing that drives me crazier than hearing someone approaching a task or something and they say, “I’ll try.” AND YOU KNOW RIGHT AWAY, that is their escape.  They have already not done the thing. They won’t finish/complete/whatever the task is because they already gave themselves the “out”- that instead of saying, “I will” they say, “I’ll try.”  Ohhhh trigger to my heart! So, I think it is rather interesting that I also feel like the action of trying can very well be a marker of success.

It all depends, right?  It depends on what the TRYING looks like, and what the heart behind the words “I’ll try” means. I believe it is a good thing to ask ourselves the question, “What are the things I’m trying to do in my life right now.” What direction are we intending to be headed? We are always either moving towards our destiny or away from it.  Make no mistake, if we are stagnant, choosing inaction, that isn’t actually still.  That is AWAY from our intended destination.  Each moment, each day of not taking action moves us further away by the simple choice of inaction.

Which is fine- if you don’t truly have it in your heart to reach a destination. When it comes to health, it boggles my mind, honestly, that more people don’t “try.” People say all the time they want to be more fit. But the choice often made is not action.  No one is so busy that they cannot find 10-15 minutes a day of CONSISTENT exercise.  DAILY. And yes, I realize I take it personally because it is my purpose and my passion, but also because I SEE the outcome. I see the decline. Our bodies depend on us for care. Our bodies are not meant to be taken for granted.

Our “trying” may take the form of simply showing up. Showing up, sometimes even with a bum attitude! Guess what- the power of showing up even when you do not WANT TO is the ESSENCE!  When you’d rather lay on a couch and scroll for 15 minutes, but instead, you turn on the yoga recording, you get out for a walk, you circle arms/exhale and twist and feed your body with movement. You take the action, do the thing, and TRY YOUR BEST for that day.

Our time within a day is limited, understandably. As it should be.  If time weren’t limited, it wouldn’t have value. So, what has value to you?

And it doesn’t need to be exercise. Are you trying to check in with friends?  Are you trying to do the little things that are the essence of you, whatever that may be. Are you TRYING to take care of your mental health?  I know I am!  So, as much as I am advocating for showing up for fitness, I am as much a proponent of the tools that you need to address to prioritize, taking an intentional 1 full minute of deep breathing to settle your system daily. Are you trying to learn a language, write a book, learn a skill.  All of these things require the consistent, sometimes humbling, action of trying.

Are you aware of the direction you are trying to go in, the actions you daily need to take to get there, and your plan?

You know what?  TRYING FEELS GOOD! The PROCESS of trying is motivating! When I was “trying” to sprint the other day when I exclaimed to someone that I was trying… made me realize how good it felt to be in a place of learning, growing, seeing what was possible. It required me to risk something, to risk being unable to go as fast as I wanted, to risk facing obstacles, to need to step into a place in my heart where I wanted something and was following the call. It felt like LIFE, FULLY.

On the flip side, be careful about using the word “trying” without fully trying.  If you say that you are trying to lose weight, without really intentionally and fully trying…. That of course won’t lead to results and it will lead to an internal narrative that you tell yourself that you can’t, or that it is something that isn’t achievable for you. That isn’t true. The fact is that you weren’t really trying.

Trying can be hard. Trying can be disappointing, if you have your heart in it.  Trying can also be exhilarating, fulfilling, and the cool thing- it doesn’t need to be overwhelming. The big gains and changes and successes in life happen after showing up consistently, day by day. Even if for 10-15 minutes. You won’t reach your goals by a 1 day effort, or once weekly effort. It’s worth thinking about “trying” and the quality of your trying. The one guarantee we do have: no thing will happen, success doesn’t just arrive, you have to show up and make the decision and take the action to try your best. 

Monday, April 21, 2025

RACING into 2025..... again...

 

LOOKING FORWARD…. Again… to RACING IN 2025, part 2!

So, I had intended to possibly do a February race (somewhere warm) which didn’t happen.

So, I was excited and registered for a half marathon in Richmond in March… sprained ankle, didn’t happen.

So, here I try again. I AM WORKING BACK from this injury, rising up, and NEXT UP is Ironman 70.3 Pennsylvania in early June. 

This is a new to me race, and I Haven’t done a different 70.3 in quite a bit of time, so I’m looking forward to new sights, experiences and challenges. What got me signed up for this race is that it is near Ryan’s Aunt who is turning 75 this year and this race is right around 75 days before that, so it is fitting to go there and celebrate her birthday- we won’t be able to at the actual time of her birthday.  ALSO:  they are all Penn State fans and this race finishes in the PSU stadium (more on that later).

When I sprained my ankle, I was disappointed initially and really worried and crushed.  And then I pulled on my big girl pants and got FIRED THE HECK UP. I rode my bike on my trainer for hours, started going out for long rides, even if I wasn’t pushing, and really got what I hope was some really solid bike base fitness. I think I’m actually earlier in my bike progression for a 70.3 this year than I would be for a typical 70.3 cycle, which is good in many ways.  One being that this course is hilly- through some serious climbs in PA, and that is one of the hardest things in my opinion on a 70.3 is adding climbs to the bike which then just crushes the legs and body even more prior to the run.  I have been really focusing on leg/core/back and hip strength to be in the best place possible for the bike portion.

I have been consistently swimming once/week since I sprained the ankle- all with a pull buoy- UNTIL this past week! I finally could do a little kick without the pull buoy. I’ve been consistent and swimming really just all aerobic and continuous with pull buoy/paddles since I haven’t been able to kick. I feel like some of these changes are forced changes to get me into a different pattern of training than what has been my “go to” way of doing things.

My running was slow going getting back onto my feet, but I’m getting there in distance for sure. Speed?  Well, there isn’t much of that and that is absolutely A-OK with me. Goals have changed, my outlook and perspective is so much different than what it used to be, and I’m actually really thankful for it. I may not be reaching as intensely and tightly for my goals, but I’m trying to really enjoy the athlete life- the daily fun of following the plan, knowing that what I do DOES make a difference, and seeing that play out.

For my 70.3- MY GOALS:

*Swim solid and calm.

*Bike hard and relaxed while (calm again) and fuel consistently and smart throughout (energy management). 

*Run consistently with mental patience and fight.

I want to know that I Have done my training fully and without cutting corners.  That I have set myself and my training as a priority, done the work to my ability, and now I get to just go out and do my thing- the focus on race day will be on not giving away my energy mentally, being patient, and ENJOYING THE DAY.  If I remember to keep reminding myself that this is what I LOVE and ENJOYING the day, the new sights, the new to me course, and being curious with no expectations, it will lead me to my goals.

I know that there will be VERY BIG STRUGGLES physically and mentally during the race.  It is my job to train myself body and mind to get THROUGH these.  Not to not have them… because.. it is a half Ironman… it is not going to be easy, and I will not mislead myself into thinking that training will make something easy. Sometimes it is easy to think that way.  But no- there will be at least 1,2,3x that I have to dig deep within and WILL myself through. I will work on that grit in my training so that I Have the best possible chance to get through the rough patches.

I am highly cognizant that my goals seem to have no numbers, paces, finishing rankings, because I will know on the inside if I am happy with how the race is going and finished.