Wednesday, February 1, 2023

January Wrap up 2023



How freaking fast did THAT go??!!

Seriously. (or actually was it LONG, haha!) I love January- the new-ness- new goals and intentions, and I also DETEST January- the grey and cold.  It’s been a month. 

So, I’m asking myself to kind of come back here, to myself, to my honest place- this little space of writing which is really just enjoyment and accountability to myself.  I’m coming back here to ask myself- “DID YOU RISE?”

RISE is my “intention of the year/word of the year”. And so I should ask myself this once in awhile and readjust when necessary, be honest enough with myself to hold myself accountable.  I mean, if it matters to me, I should be able to be honest with myself.

Was it my best month?  NO.  I was down and frustrated.  My hip gave me trouble basically after the first week into January seemed to get worse.  My mood went right along with that and the weather and rain and cold and dreary air that looked like sad air to me.

Here is what I did.

For my hip:  I did not give up.  I kept going for chiro/went to my PT/ made an appointment now with ortho and I am sure after that I will get an MRI.  So the plan is in action for me to dive deeper and see where things are really standing with my hip.  I listened to it and did my best. I did all I could do.  I literally am unable to power through when my hip is not letting my leg work (often when I cannot run, I know it is TRIGGERED by what is going on in the hip, but the pain that makes me stop/ that I cannot push through has been in my calf/shin/ankle with some sort of pressure that flares and literally I think my leg will explode.  I cannot run through it).  2 weeks ago, my hip started giving out/ I couldn’t stand on it for a few days.  Then I couldn’t go UP the stairs.  Funny enough I could jog a little but just not go upstairs. And I would gasp doing little small steps randomly.  That week hurt so bad, and had my nervous system just ON FIRE with pain, so ….. there were tears.  I really hate being in nerve pain.  Luckily that seems to have dissipated to a great degree and probably as I write this it is about 5x/day maybe where my hip seems to “go out” and I catch myself with my other leg (yes, as I gasp… which I Really hate, but the searing pain just takes my breath away, does anyone else have this?)  That being said, I’ve now had a few days where I can run again?  I have no idea when I head out if I will be gone for 90 seconds or an hour.  So, I have mentally gotten myself to this place where I am just trying to roll with it and if I have to come back after 5 minutes, then I have to just get on my bike, do other stuff- drills, strength, movement that I CAN do.  This is not my favorite option, but it is reality.  So I’m just trying to both accept it, but not grow stagnant and let myself waddle into pitiful shape. I have been successful at daily doing the things I’ve asked myself to commit to that I know helps my hips:  rolling, trigger point, daily yoga and mobility.  I am doing all that I can.

Now, turning to my lack of love for this season:  I have an actual spreadsheet, guys.  And on my spreadsheet are my “tools” that I Use to keep me healthy and happy.  I’ve of course added drinking water to this because I just cannot do it without giving myself the pleasure of checking off a box at the end of the day… but- I have about 8 other tools that I have identified and I commit to as many of those things each day as I can to serve my mental health, joy, and prioritize staying on track.  I do these things knowing that they are little moments that I can claim for ME- that I am taking care of myself with being intentional. The day will GO BY without them, so I OWN that they are part of “my work”!  And yes, I call this RISING to take care of myself fully. 

A trick that I have used for years that I continue to use daily is the “Today, I GET TO” question.  Every morning, I ask myself 1-2-3 things that “I GET TO” do.  So often, I realize- the things that were weighing me down on my shoulders as things that I “have to” do….. are actually GET TO do things- I find that I really can see them as a privilege to do, a joy, an opportunity.  For me personally, this little reframing each morning can be the difference between a gloomy mindset and the start of a great day.

I am here at the end of January…. Not where I want to be yet, but on my way daily😊


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