TAKING CARE OF OUR SELVES- WHAT WOULD THAT LOOK LIKE?

 

WHY YOGA? WHY DO THE THINGS WE NEED TO DO?!

I’ve been meaning to write this for a week, but it seems to big, too important and I know my words cannot do justice for the passion burning inside me. I went to a conference a week ago and, as always at these events, was reinvigorated. I care so much about the people I work with.

To care about your health and fitness- what does that mean?  Well, it means sometimes doing things you don’t necessarily WANT to do.  It means sometimes going out of your way.  It means asking yourself, “if I’m not taking care of myself fully in the way that I know how to, why not?” and “if not now, what am I waiting for? What would it take, a health disaster for me to start really making choices based on knowledge and research?”

(Some of you have heard this in the week since)- but there was a session and the guy leading the session was saying that if you do these stretches/strengthening exercises 2x/day for 2 weeks, research shows it realigns /balances discrepancies in joint angles and alignment. Well, when I heard that, I’m thinking – how does this guy get people to do these things 2x/day when I sometimes just have people do something ONCE and that doesn’t always get adhered to.  I asked, “what strategies have you found successful in having people adhere to doing this twice/day?”

The response was: “do you brush your teeth twice/day?” (embarrassingly I nod yes).. and he says, “Why are we taking care of only our teeth twice/day?”  And honestly it was such a good question. For real.  I mean- why is it really so much to take care (ESPECIALLY WHEN WE HAVE PAIN!!??!!) of our physical bodies 2x/day?  Why would we NOT take 2x/day 5-10 minute to MAKE A DIFFERENCE in how we feel, move and go about our world. Why have we learned from the time we are babies that our teeth are the biggest thing to take care of twice/day?!  Why not our spine, our muscles, our joints; why is this not a GIVEN??!! As much as I love and believe that what we do makes a difference- it really felt eye opening to me that yea- we choose what to take care of.  We have time. It is a choice.

We know the importance of regular exercise in optimizing health and reducing disease, but we still don’t always make the choices in line with our knowledge.  We KNOW that we are too stressed out, but do we take the time to regularly practice slowing down.  We know we are tight, we know we need more balance (both physical balance and balance of the ways we expend our energy and balance of our fitness), but do we incorporate this balance into our weekly fitness program.

WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE TO BEGIN?

That brings me to the practice of YOGA.  Some of you know I started as the unlikeliest person to do yoga.  I actually walked out of the first class I took in college. (They were doing alternate nostril breathing and oh mY GOSH I HAD NO TIME FOR THAT- I know it just was not the right place for me to get a foot – hold into making yoga an accessible practice to me).

I cannot say that I know what is right for everyone, but I can say that if you are someone who wants to be in tune with your own self, feel what it feels like to be in your body, have a slowing down of your mind, learning to be more patient with yourself and others, practice being in the moment, (not even yet mentioning the actual PHYSICAL parts of yoga), then I think you should give it a fair shot.  And a fair shot doesn’t mean trying it once or twice). What about 6 months?

In 6 months: What if you:

Learned to breathe: What if you could slow your entire being down enough to take actual full and nourishing and nurturing breaths, and what does that even mean?  And really- what does that FEEL LIKE in your body? (because we KNOW that our life experiences for the most part have taught us to NOT feel things in our body, to ignore sensations). So, what if we used our full muscles of respiration to strengthen those- to help us in so many ways having stronger lungs, along with all of the hormonal changes that come with calming the nervous system with full and complete breaths that coordinate with the muscular movements of breath. Honestly, how amazing even is THAT. 

Stop doubting yourself. What if you were able to catch yourself when you were busy doubting yourself, thinking you didn’t know how to do something, and instead began trusting the wisdom of your body.  Trusting your body’s natural instincts.

Learn to be with yourself. Can we practice literally sitting with ourselves.  Standing with ourselves.  Breathing with ourselves.  And then MOVING WITH OURSELVES.  WITH our natural rhythm of breath. Can we find a way to not look outside of ourselves to distract ourselves from what arises, even uncomfortable sometimes, from within.  The only way to be true to ourselves and know ourselves is to take some time with ourselves, right?

Practice patience. I mean, I don’t think I’m alone in being one of the people in the world struggling to be more patient.  It is hard. We are always a work in progress on this. (unless you aren’t in the place of working on it?!)  In practice, can you be patient with yourself:  can you be patient when you fall, when your mind wanders, can you over and over give yourself the grace that you would give your best friend who is working on something?

Be curious and open. It makes me amazed at the open mindedness that it takes to show up at a yoga practice with really no idea what is coming and to be OPEN to just following, open to doing things that maybe aren’t your favorite (but maybe those are the most important things to do!)

Practice being in the body with no goals, practice for the sake of just practice, not need to be good. PRACTICE FEELING WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE IN YOUR BODY! AND OK IN THAT SPaCE! What does it feel like to relax (while upright and awake).  What does it feel like to raise your arms to the sky and lift your chin?!  Do you feel free in a sense that you’ve never felt?  What does it feel  like to push DOWN into your heel and feel your BODY connecting in some fundamental way to the earth that you RISE FROM.  Sometimes yoga is awe, wonder in movement, astonishing amazement.  We are so lucky to experience life.

Did I say learn how to breathe?  Yea, It’s kinda important.

Be okay right now, one moment at a time. It’s so common to always be either looking forward- working TOWARDS something (and you know I’m not against having goals!) or looking back/ ruminating/ regretting. To have the ability to settle into the present moment… HERE… NOW… relieves so much anxiety, if even for moments you can come back to presence, you find your body softening, breathing settles, what circulates in the body shifts. It is frankly quite amazing.

Practice imperfection: Ok – it’s so common to hear people who “cannot do yoga.” And that is not a thing. If someone thinks or says that “they cannot do yoga,” they don’t even maybe know it isn’t a thing!  Everyone can do yoga and every single persons yoga looks different. My arms lifted straight over my shoulders LOOK DIFFERENT than someone else’s arms overhead.  That doesn’t mean I cannot do it because mine might not go as narrow.  My downdog will look different than 100 other people’s downdogs because of TONS of reasons- ankle bone shape, calf and foot flexibility, arm and leg length differences, hip and spine differences!  YOGA IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! IT IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE! And that is part of the practice – to learn to be genuinely in the place that is only right for YOU.  If we go into tree position and you fall 7 x while we are in one tree position- that still does not mean you cannot do yoga!  YOU ARE- falling is part of it! It is such a GIFT to arrive on the mat knowing that your practice will never be perfect.  (there isn’t even really a “perfect” in yoga- it just is what it is). We can LET GO and LET OURSELVES BE. Would you tell your best friend that “they couldn’t do yoga” because they aren’t awesome at balancing, or because they have tight hamstrings?  Of course not.  Treat yourself like your very own best friend and show up for yourself.

Physical:  What if we got in 6 months time to a place where our bodies were on their way to resetting in an aligned posture: with shoulders back and down, awareness of how we feel our feet, stand with a tall spine, engaging core.  What if we regularly NOTICED being able to relax our neck and jaw. 

WHAT IF we learned to breathe in a way that signals to our nervous system that we are calm, so we turn on parasympathetic nervous system (instead of fight or flight which so many of us are accustomed to being in). 

How often do you twist and breathe in that twist?  If you don’t, you are losing over time the ability to have that range of motion.  Same with side bending, with reaching, reaching behind you, learning forward.

Maybe most of all, in yoga, WE PRACTICE BEING “EMBODIED”- that means being in tune with the sensations of our body, of listening to what feels right and TRUSTING OURSELVES.  Enjoying the feeling of raising our arms over shoulders.  Of circling arms, of looking UPWARDS, of noticing our bodies feeling free within movement.

IF NOT NOW, WHEN WILL YOU BEGIN?

LURAY TRI 2024

 

LURAY 2024

I love race writeups.  I realize they are rarely read, but they are SO IMPORTANT FOR ME! So, here we go!

Well, let’s start 4 weeks back.

I did Culpeper Tri end of July and my training had been actually feeling really fun and GOOD! I had some bike/runs where I felt really strong and in control and more back to being “running” for me since my back/hamstring saga of 2023. It felt GOOD. And honestly, that was my only goal- to FEEL GOOD. And this feeling isn’t like placing, winning, but feeling like my work has resulted in something! I did feel this way and really was satisfied and SUPER MOTIVATED!

Until 2 days later when I got diagnosed w/covid. F. (last covid in Jan 2024 KILLED ME for 3 months- 3 months of freaking naps every freaking day, feeling like a SHELL OF MYSELF SO DEPRESSED because I just was NOT ME.) So I was worried.  After the first week (took Paxlovid), I thought I was really progressing so tried to ease back in. And for a weekend, it seemed great!  And then…. (maybe I overdid?) it wasn’t. I’ve gone through 147 tissue boxes, cannot breathe without sniffing still, and I wake up feeling like a BUS ran over my BODY.  I get going and feel ok beginning mid morning able to fake my way through some things…. Then- feel like I DIE again (even though I’ve been gentle and let myself go and sit at pool and read (which has turned into eyes closed holding a book- that is how tired I’ve been).  I took dogs for a walk last week and honestly almost sat on the sidewalk on way home.  That is when I was SURE that my body is just not fully recovered.

I adjusted expectations for Luray.  We moved Phoebe into her dorm room yesterday, so it was a busy day, and I gave myself an opportunity to not go if I decided I didn’t think it was best.  But- I also know this race makes me HAPPY.  I love the lake surrounded by mountains.  I love the bike course where you climb and climb and then arrive with like a huge panoramic VISTA!!! I love the run where again you climb a hill, turn a corner and the countryside and SUN and HEAT just beat down on your shoulders.  I literally break out into a smile numerous times in this race.  I decided to be a big girl, adjust expectations and go for it.

Got up at 3:30/ left house at 4:15 to get there for packet pickup and bike racking. All good.  It was a possibility of rain, but NONE! YIPPEE!!

The race venue changed- there are fences around the beach area/ volleyball courts and changing rooms taken down, the dock taken down.  I’m not sure why, that was disappointing.  We have like 15 years of taking kids there (when young) and acting like this was a “vacation beach” and jumping and playing all day after the race.  The memories are so special.

I was nervous lining up for the swim.  I was nervous because I knew that I truly wasn’t fully recovered and I feel like I really “respect” that my body is doing its own thing and I cannot override it by sheer will.  And my worry was that I wouldn’t be okay in the water. And if you are not ok in the run, you can walk.  But in the water, I was worried about …. (going under).  I tried to keep myself calm, warm up with bouncing around and loosening shoulders enough to get mobile.  I began and … FELT GREAT!  (maybe if you think the worst, it just feels really good?)  The ENTIRE SWIM felt great- okay now HALT- that doesn’t mean I felt FAST! It just means I felt strong, didn’t have any breathing problems, didn’t have anyone “in my space” pushing me down, getting anxiety going, etc.  I honestly don’t care about my time- I FELT GOOD! Yea yea!

 

The transition from swim/bike is new for the past 2 years (new race management) and it is freaking LONG. There is first a flight of like 30-40 steps to go up from the beach. This is immediately after you’ve been horizontal swimming 1.5K, so blood flow is just returning to upright and it’s hard.  Then there were branches/tree roots to navigate, gravel.  Goodness. I was as quick as I could.

Hopped on my bike and let’s GO! Except a few miles in, I realize- my legs really don’t “feel” like going hard and strong like I previously have.  They just aren’t “responding.”  Like I know how to train hard, go hard, but this seemed to be like a non result. But I was passing people left and right.  I had 3 people pass me (in my recollection maybe I am forgetting) the entire time- all men, and all during downhills.  So I was trying to tell myself- we are ALL in same boat on these mountains.  Keep the effort. It was beautiful and I was trying to immerse myself in the joy, and also be smart and keep fueling. (but I honestly didn’t really feel like it- maybe I didn’t eat enough)? It was also MUCH hotter than expected.  There was a chance of rain, and at my last race, it was FREEZING beforehand. So I brought a sweatshirt for before this one and it was ROASTING and I had to even take off my tee shirt.  On the bike it was HOT on my back and I (loved it) but kept thinking, what will this mean for the run? I was coughing so much, which was also annoying.  Maybe from being in the water horizontal then upright on the bike it was like the top of my throat seemed COVERED in mucous. The coughing was kind of a helpful “on your left” at times when I was passing people so that they knew I was there.  I just kept doing what I could do and trying to not beat myself up for not FEELING my FIERCEST.

Made it through. Got to T2 and honestly was nervous because I knew I wasn’t like on all cylinders.

Started the run, saw Ryan and waved!  I acted happy because I know that is psychologically good. Mile 1 I tried to stay calm- just see how things are feeling.  I had a 7:45 split (a bit downhill here), but I thought, OHHHH maybe not terrible here?! 

Mile 2 I realized. SHIT. (literally). I have to go to a port o pot and I do not know if there is one out here.  I’m kinda scanning for areas in case. And also start to feel a bit shaky in legs.  I’m fueling, taking UCAN gel sips and water. Trying to remain.  I should mention when I was leaving T2 a woman told me “I think you are first place triathlon woman” so I had in my head, hmmm… wonder who is around- maybe in front or how close behind. And: I have to go to the bathroom- I saw a girl after turnaround at 1.5 and she was close.  I thought, just keep yourself moderate intensity and maybe your stomach will smooth out.

Mile 3- we go through the biggest hill and the biggest sunny patch and my stomach is just clenching and I’m like I do not care, I need to stop at the bathroom at turnaround and if there isn’t one there, I’m gonna have to find a place. (sorry if this is embarrassing to you to read, ha!) I had been playing head games like maybe if the woman behind me hasn’t passed me, I won’t stop and just see how far I can get.  But I decided I’d rather not…. Ummm.. you know… be embarrassed.

Turnaround: I run into porto pot and THANK GOODNESS. But the woman passed me (and I wasn’t sure if anyone else did, but just at that point, carry on). I had seen Ryan and told him I needed to go- I was honestly kinda delirious and I told him (he was near one on the opposite side of road)- to try to “save it”!!! ha!  He said later he had no idea how he was supposed to be a port o pot bouncer. I went to one in the meantime that I didn’t know was there.  But I didn’t feel any better when I got out. I felt like I could sit down and nap. Literally.  Like a lovely nap.  I saw him and he asked if I was ok.  I said no and kept “jogging.” After like 10 more terrible steps I wanted to cry and turned around, but he was looking down at his phone and I yelled “ryan”- and kinda realized- I have no idea how I want him to help me, but I think he should know this is not going well! I didn’t know if I should quit, nap, continue. And I realized it was so silly and to just do what I could even if it was walk.  But I decided- NO WALKING. That is the new goal girl.  I had another downhill mile and I was like ok.  Now you are at 4 and you’ve made it.

If you can make it to 5, then you can say “1 mile left.” And you can do ANYTHING for 1 mile.

Mile 4-5 is an out ½ and back ½.  So that was also nice to break it up and I just began doing all the mental tricks I have ever learned.  I took 40 seconds to focus on tangents.  I kept fueling. I kept my shoulders low.  I pretended that I felt smooth.  I thanked the volunteer at the turnaround (and told myself if I could still have a bit of gratitude that I wasn’t going to actually die). I kept fueling because my body physically felt like shit.  I was shaky and done.

Mentally I had more.  My last mile (uphill and in sun) I did every yoga cue I say to my class in my head:

Can you ask yourself to stay present with yourself.

Can you trust yourself.

Can you take the next step.

Can you stop trying to end the suffering and be with the feeling.  Revel in the challenge that you love.  Be in the work. The work is the essence- there are no guarantees of results, it isn’t about results.

And I did.  I never walked. I trusted each step. I trusted myself. I made it to the final hill and said to myself, “if you’ve gotten here, you will finish.”

There was a grassy spot we had to run over (4x) and I said just do not roll your ankle and you can finish.

And I did.

I am so glad I did this race. I may not be able to do next year because of 2 kids moving into college and I at least pulled it off by 1 day this year, so we will see.  I won’t sign up early, but I’ll keep it on my radar since I’ve enjoyed this race for almost 2 decades!

I ended up 1^st place in my age group, 4^th woman overall. The unfortunate part is that I was less than 1 minute away from 3^rd place overall… and in my mind – that is the bathroom stop plus the panic of walking/ turning around trying to wonder if I’d be able to make it for 3 more miles.  It’s ok though, I’m proud of the day and it was POSITIVE and all I had (and there was no choice- I needed that port o pot stop!)

CULPEPER OLYMPIC TRI 2024

 

Culpeper 2024 (Oly distance).

I’ve waited a week to write this and I want to get all of my memories of last Saturday down so that I don’t forget!

What a great day and it was so fun to race a new race!  I don’t do nearly as many triathlons as I used to do, and I repeat some of my favorites, so it is a rare treat to get to go to a new race, experience new roads and venues!

It was an especially nice treat to be able to go with my friend Rachel last weekend.  I drove and picked her up at 4am, got her bike on and off we went! IT was a quick 1 hour 15 min to Culpeper! I’ve driven by Culpeper so many times on the way to Charlottesville.  It was nice to pull off of 29 and have a beautiful lake and triathlon within a few miles of the main road!

Once the sun came up and we could see, it was a beautiful lake. It was surprisingly a freezing morning and I Hadn’t accounted for this and was SO FREEZING before the race- big mistake to REMEMBER next time that the mornings (especially in mountains!) can be cold!!!!

Anyway, we scouted things out, prepped and got ready.

The swim was a rolling start, which really isn’t my favorite.  I’m not sure if it is just because I got used to years of treading water with my age group, placing myself where I wanted to be, etc.  This just stresses me out more.  THIS YEAR PARTICULARLY! As they were announcing that there were sharp, jagged rocks at the start and to get into the swimming position as soon as possible.  This really didn’t sit easily with me.  When it was our turn to go, Rachel did a shallow dolphin dive in and I’m still tiptoeing literaly looiing around like ewww reallllllyy???  And then I am sure it looked absorbed but I like laid my body down in the water and began swimming!  It was a pitiful start and it made me feel mentally unready.  I get this thing within the first few minutes of a swim (possibly because I don’t warm up first… but I don’t’ WANT to warm up!!!) where my legs feel tingly and like they are tired.  I NEVER feel this in training in the pool. But, it does freak me out slightly and I’m like wondering if I’m dying from the legs up.  Anyway, I got past that, but it did lead me to some negative thoughts when it happened, like, “I really don’t know why I do this, I love swimming and training and doing all the things training- why do I need to do races?”  Well, I got out of that way of thinking after the 2^nd buoy when we turned and I was BLIND.  The sun was rising and literally the angle made it so that I could see NOTHING, I had ZERO idea if I was headed into the right direction.  I saw a swimmer in front of me so I just followed them, praying they could see somehow? Finally I caught the “shadow” kind of of the next buoy that I was looking for and could go wtowards something that I knew was in the direction I wanted to head!  I was worried about the sprint racers starting and hoping I could get one loop around my course before they came in.  It all worked out okay and the swim course didn’t seem too busy.  I enjoyed the 2^nd loop much m ore, once I was warmed up, felt more comfortable in the water, etc. I like swimming In open water, it just sometimes takes me until the 2^nd half of the race to really begin enjoying it??!! I felt like I was swimming actually quite strong then, although I did get blinded at the same turn the 2^nd time around- once again could see NOTHING at that same point in the race, but at least this time I just knew to follow feet and the buoy would appear!  Even though I felt like my swimming was strong, my time really wasn’t, and I think some of it was due to me not seeing those 2x, and also maybe some of my mental lapses.  It is ok, I got out, went into transition, helmet on, grabbed bike and OFF.

 

 

 

 

Once I was on my bike- it was a quick downhill into a turn and immediate uphill.  It was super short distance to get my foot in pedal and be able to secure it, but I did it quick enough.  And the climbing began.  So, this was a hilly course, but I will admit that reading the suggestion that it was “technical and hilly and to preride the course”  made me a bit unaggressive.  I was happy to have others biking along with me, but then again there was a period at the beginning of this race where there were maybe some people bunched up where I thought:  why am I doing this?  I just like to go ride my bike and not have to be passing/ trying to not draft/ etc. I did the first loop and then, knowing at this point what most of the course was like, I felt a bit happier and less scared of what the hills may be to come, so was able to get into the groove of pushing more.  I kept trying to stay hydrated, took a fig newton for calories, and pushed strong, but not overly aggressive.

There were some absolutely gorgeous points on this course. One climb looked like it was STRAIGHT up into the sky!! And we were surrounded by trees but I kept thinking- there is going to be a great view at the top of this!  And there was—beautiful vista of the blue ridge mountains.  Really just inspires awe and gratitude for being able to be out there on these courses.  And…. Yes, so this may be when I was like I LOOOOVE TRIATHLONS!  Disregard that I’ve thought multiple times now questioning why I even do these?!!!  I just get on a high and so appreciative of seeing places that are so beautiful that I wouldn’t have seen!

We got back to T2 and it was an odd downhill right into transition, but then I was off my bike- quick dropped bike/helmet and got my run shoes and race belt and was OUT.

As was my mental and written plan for myself: I wanted to go mile 1 with no judgement.  Hopefully I felt ok but no matter what happened in my body, I wanted to not let it lead to any stories.  And I did this.  It was a hilly first mile and my split was 8:22.  I thought not too bad for first mile plus this huge hill.  So, I said ok, let it go a little.7:32 next mile.  That felt really solid and appropriate for mile 2 but I wanted to complete the first loop before I made any increases.  Mile 3 was 7:28.  I was really happy with how I felt, my mindset, and also really liked the course. I think at this point I knew- be aggressive but smart and you can finish really happy with yourself.  Mile 4 was 7:54 (this was the big uphill at the beginning repeated).  Mile 5: 7:31- I was really working, but also at a place where I knew I could keep at it.  Mile 6 I said, give more and attack.  7:17 split (granted, this has a downhill!!!!) final 1:54 to finish line and I was really happy with how I felt this race.

Overall, the big takeaway for me was how motivated I felt after.  How much I ENJOYED the fact that I got up early, did something new, was open to being vulnerable in an event I didn’t know anything about and just being open to what came in the way of a great training day!  It delivered. It reminded me of years ago, being out in triathlons in the summer heat and why I loved them and got so hooked on them!

Loved the motivation.  Did NOT love that I got covid 2 days later. Sigh. I’ll be back at Culpeper!