LOSE THE AGENDA, ENJOY THE MOMENT.
Last weekend, I had my longest bike training workout before my half Ironman (Eagleman) next weekend. I was doing a 60 mile ride into a 2 mile run. This really isn’t much longer than my other rides I’ve been doing, but I wanted to go a few miles OVER the distance, and of course get a small transition run in afterwards.
The day before, I had done my last long run of 13 miles, and I should add in that these days were about 90 degrees and 1000% humidity, so it was glorious training practice for what is a typically hot and humid race day condition, but of course it was not easy at all and I knew I was starting the bike/run workout already a bit fatigued.
I had planned to warm up, do about 20 miles at effort, and then take the pace down a bit and just get solid work in the legs to the finish. The EFFORT when I started just FELT harder than it should have, like it wasn’t producing much power, and the WORST PART, was my MIND. I’ll admit, from the beginning of the workout, I was in this big mental fuss inside my head. I don’t honestly know the entire issue I was having- part of it was that my whole day was this busy schedule, so I Knew when I was done with the workout, I had one million other things to fit in. I’ve had the luxury lately of actually having some TIME on the weekends and to be able to come home, and not be RUSHING for minutes and stressing about being late to something I Need to be at, appear normal and not crushed physically. I continued to have this inner anxiety, frustration, worry and honestly just LACK OF LOVING being on my bike for the entire effort part, and once I started the rest of the ride, I realized I needed to STOP IT. I had a little internal meeting with my self and said this is not sustainable or enjoyable. LET GO. Let go of the rigid, fearful, tight grip on worry and paces and all the things….. and JUST RIDE YOUR BIKE! And APPRECIATE EACH MINUTE you are out here! It is hot weather! Yea! I have this time, YEA! I am trained as much as I can be at this time for my race, YEA! ENJOY! And I was luckily able to really turn off my anxiety and just get into this calm groove of being IN THE EXPERIENCE WITH NO AGENDA! I just enjoyed riding my bike! I let myself notice the things I was seeing, I saw a baby deer on the path, had to slow down for it because it didn’t really know what to do! I saw a huge bunny cross my path, and I just enjoyed the miles, the time to myself, the feeling of cycling without pushing my max, but just being in it, keeping myself hydrated, being in the work of it all😊 WHAT A CHANGE IT MADE for me to have no agenda, no GOAL, and just be in the place of enjoying the ride for the sole purpose of being in the moment.
I ended up using this as a little “theme” or mantra/intention for my yoga classes this past week- of having no goal, no agenda, and just being in the moment. As I am about 1 week away from Eagleman, I am reminding myself that it is also this very thing that sometimes gives me the hardest time during my race. I have this tendency, because I am RACING, to think about the END. To think about how to get to the end fastest. And while I do want to do well, I need to let go of that rigid, gripping, anxiety producing mindset and be fully in the moment just for that moment. Be in the mile I am in. ENJOY THE TIME ON THE ROADS! I always say that race day is a party on the road- you’ve done the hard work, now settle in and enjoy your time out there! While there is no way to “enjoy” maybe every minute (there will be MAJOR SUFFERING, I am well aware, during Eagleman), I Have to remind myself to at least be able to begin, and have as my “base mindset” a total enjoyment and passion for being out there, in the air, the sun on my shoulders, riding strong on my bike, taking the time- not thinking of the end, but being in the enjoyment of the moment.
Likewise, I find myself realizing this is a similar thing I find my headspace going to on a daily basis. There is so much to do, so many angles of life pulling at us all the time, that it can feel like this overwhelming, almost sense of panic. But as always, if I remind myself, that right NOW….. it’s all good….. I don’t have to think of everything all at once, I don’t have to be everything all at once, I don’t need to think BIG PICTURE. Just be in one thing at a time, one moment at a time, let go of the things pressing down on me, and be in the ability to enjoy the thing I am in at the moment, it makes a world of a difference. If you ever find yourself feeling these similar feelings, maybe this will help you also😊