START AND THEN CONTINUE. THE POWER OF MOVING MORE.

 

START AND THEN CONTINUE.  THE POWER OF MOVING MORE.

I’ve said it before, but here I go again…. MOVING is MEDICINE.

I acknowledge the privilege I have of watching people’s lives change through fitness.  I love that I get to coach and train all levels of fitness levels, and it is amazing to witness the power of moving more at ALL levels of fitness, from an Ironman athlete and committed marathon runner to the everyday person trying to stay healthy, mobile, balanced.

Let me share :

Some of you know I started a “PRIME FITNESS” group and I just discovered that it was almost exactly 5 years ago that we began together!  The class began as a group of ladies from my church who wanted a fitness class for I think it was above age 55 or 60 or whatever the age they said.  Of course, this was before COVID, so we all began together, in my exercise space in my house.  We started very beginner- I got an idea of where people were in their movements, taught good form and alignment, modifications for wrists/ knees/ shoulders/ hips/ backs (including my own!).  And we progressed.  And we progressed.  And we progressed.  For 5 years, this group has met 1-2x/week for a 45 min fitness class.  Over covid, we began zoom and kept consistently moving.  I delivered beach balls to their houses to celebrate “summer” of covid with this fun new little exercise toy.  Everyone has dumbbells, a stability ball, and ankle band, and we now continue on zoom.  This class…. (shhhhhhh… is now ADVANCED).  That doesn’t mean new people cannot begin- I’ve been doing this enough years to make it work for everyone, for modifications- you just have to have an open mind, not judge where you are against where someone else may be.

So, let me tell you about NOW.  These women.  I do not think they have any idea of how well they move, how fit they are, how strong they have gotten in 5 years.  They do cardio intervals, they do wall squats, stability ball pushups, jackknives, side planks, they move nonstop in SUCH challenging ways.  (I huff and puff while teaching them).  I sometimes just want to stop and smile and die laughing at AMAZEMENT.  THIS IS NOT NORMAL!  It is PHENOMENAL.  They LUNGE AND TWIST!  They lunge, touch the floor then lift up into a balance on one leg.  It sounds like bootcamp?  (ummmm because it IS! Except the running).  I know for a FACT that they have ALL DONE THINGS THEY DID NOT THINK THEY COULD DO. 

How freaking amazing.

We literally sometimes get through the first 15 minutes of a class and I think- good grief, we have ALREADY DONE SO MUCH!  It is my job of course, and also my passion, but I need to express how IMPORTANT it is to:  REACH OVERHEAD!  To TWIST! To side bend!  To balance on one foot!  To move the spine (cat cow). To know how to STABILIZE!  To notice where the body is in space.  To lose balance! And then try again! To move feet quickly!  To move SIDEWAYS.  And we do it all.  I’m like a mama bear gushing with pride.

And honestly, yes, I plan to always vary the workouts…. To hopefully keep things moving, fun, different challenges….. BUT THEY ARE THE ONES WHO SHOW UP.  FOR THEMSELVES.  On days when I am SURE they sometimes really don’t want to!  We all have those days!  And they SHOW FREAKING UP.  And we end up connecting, smiling, doing life together. 

The POWER. Of CONSISTENCY.  Making a choice day after day after week after week and year after year.  It has made a change.

This is just like all my groups.  I’m SO OVERLY filled with gratitude that I get to be a part of all of this!    

One of my favorite quotes of all times:  You get what you train for, not what you wish for.

 

Likewise, I was brought to TEARS earlier this week.  I was training someone who I have now been working with for 2 years.  Various situations had hit this person hard mentally and physically during COVID, and she was in a place that was not healthy.  She couldn’t reach up with her arms easily overhead and get into an extended position.  Sitting fully UPRIGHT with good posture in a chair wasn’t accessible.  She had a foot injury, so walking was limping, NOTHING WAS GOING RIGHT.  And. Ummmm….. She did NOT want to exercise.  But she knew she had to.  AND SO SHE DID.  And we are not where we yet are GOING TO BE, but we are ON OUR WAY!  She is now SHOULDER PRESSING 8# dumbbells overhead.  Squatting with energy and stepping up stairs, doing WALKING LUNGES that I wasn’t sure would be able to happen yet with her foot, but we have worked mobility everywhere in her body.  And this week, we got through a first half of yoga sun salutation- moving up and down, going down to lunging low on the floor, then stepping up BIG and standing and reaching again.  This is NOT A SMALL THING.  This is what she will need to do if she has grandchildren that she wants to play with and go from the floor to standing.  This is just LIFE.  And I cried to be a witness, to be watching STRONG PEOPLE DO HARD THINGS FOR THEMSELVES.  GOSH. 

 

So. This is why I believe in the power of movement so FIERCELY.  I SEE the difference it makes.  I see the difference that I have been able to manage my back pain for the past few years by working core to keep my spine stabilized.  That people are being in their bodies with awareness, being brave and trying new things, showing up to something that is UNKNOWN!  I mean--- I GET that when you work with me, you show up OPEN to whatever I have up my sleeve!!! YIKES! That’s brave, right?! And you just DO WHAT YOU CAN …. And sometimes a bit more.  And that is the magic.  It’s really pretty cool. 

GENERAL EATING BEFORE AND AFTER EARLY AM WORKOUTS

 

GENERAL EATING BEFORE AND AFTER EARLY AM WORKOUTS:

Could it really be that someone ASKED ME to write a blog of info on this?! YES I WILL!!!  (thanks Tina!).

So, the great question was, “how to eat before/after morning workouts to not crash during the day”.

OK there is so much info on this and the “fun” but frustrating part is that there isn’t a FORMULA to exactly follow because bodies are different.  That is the fun part- you get to take science, and then try to figure out the art of making it work for individual bodies.  The frustrating part is that sometimes it would be easier to follow a script, but- again- bodies react differently with GI system preferences and issues, as well as how sensitive your body is to insulin and other macronutrients that you take in, along with other personal differences.

*speaking of- in this brief info on “nutrition” around eating- I’m not even going to use words like macronutrients because some people are like what IS THAT?  (it is the type /category of foods that you take in.  So, let’s say it like it is- we will be talking about carbohydrate (cho), protein and fats… and fiber).

If you are working out early morning, the goal and purpose of the workout/training session is important to consider.  If you are out for a low intensity walk or easy jog or bike then you could do that workout without eating (fasted).  However, if you have a workout where you are asking your body to do strength, any high intensity intervals, sustained work at a higher level, you want to have something to eat, even if minimal, to have some blood glucose to help serve as fuel for that high intensity work.  (otherwise, the purpose of the workout is compromised…. And then—you aren’t getting as fit/fast/results from what you are spending your time doing!)  So, this could be having a sip or even a small amount of juice, a few bites or a half of a banana (or a whole banana), or some berries/grapes/pineapple slices.  Something with carbohydrate source to give your body fast energy.  Remember, if you are working out with intention, with the purpose of getting stronger, you need to be able to train in a way that allows you to train well.  You need to fuel for that training.  You cannot just will your body to do things it doesn’t have the resources to perform.  You wouldn’t ask a car to drive on no gas. (see later hints on eliminating carbohydrates).

AFTER the workout:  The higher intensity exercise- (both cardio and strength), the more important it is to get in your recovery nutrition ASAP, and this means ideally within the first 20 minutes.  This sometimes isn’t easy.  If you drove to a workout, you might need to pack something in your car if it is longer than this.  If not 20 min then 30-40 and DEFINITELY within first hour, otherwise you are compromising recovery as well as compromising your immune system.  For ideal muscle repair and recovery/rebuilding, you want to have a minimum of 150-200 calorie carbohydrate/protein snack.  Examples could be yogurt with berries, tart cherry juice has been shown to help recovery as well as immune system health after hard/long training sessions, and you would want to pair that with maybe 1 hard boiled egg/1 egg white or however you choose to cook them.  A smoothie could fit into this recovery model as well. Another option is overnight oats with berries, or a whole grain piece of toast with egg and avocado.  If you need to pack something, pack a half a sandwich, or even half a PBand banana sandwich (on whole grain). 

OTHER GENERAL NUTRITION HINTS that are your just easy general guidelines to always resort back to:

1.       Any snack or meal- you should always be able to look at your food and it should be comprised of:  a fruit or vegetable, combined with a protein or dairy. (example:  an apple is not a good snack.  An apple combined with almonds would be.  Likewise, a spinach side salad is not a great snack, but a spinach side with cottage cheese on top (and maybe strawberries) would be!)

2.       Snack needs to be minimum of 150 calories in order to stimulate your metabolism.  We all would like for our metabolism to be revved as much as possible, right?!

3.       I always recommend (and personally rely on this mentality for nutrition) to have a diet of INCLUSION versus exclusion.  “how much GOOD can I get into my body”… so I always have a focus of trying to get in as close to 5 fruits and 5 veggies/day (combined with the above- including it with protein/dairy as well as whole grain).  If I am eating well on a diet of INCLUSION, then first of all, I’m satiated, but not going about thinking and obsessing about “I am trying to NOT eat something (which just personally makes me want to eat it!).

4.       Keep a food log- and it doesn’t need to be fancy- if you take 2 weekdays and 1 weekend day to write down what you eat, times (include liquid also, even water), you will get a sense of what you may need to modify to feel more energetic and balanced.

5.       CARBOHYDRATES ARE NOT BAD.  If you are an athlete you NEED THEM.  They are the only source of fuel for your BRAIN as well!  Unless you have a medical condition that you have been medically advised to take out carbohydrates you NEED THEM.  (I also have never met someone overweight who got that way by eating too many apples, right?)  If you are exercising and active, you need carbohydrates – just be sure to have the appropriate ones!  Whole grains- (has to have the word WHOLE- so bread from the grocery store that is “wheat bread” is not whole wheat) are your friend- brown rice, whole wheat pastas are not something you need to eliminate. 

*Note:  I am not including any information on fueling DURING exercise, which is another huge topic to consider for long workouts lasting over an hour, particularly in training for performance.

I hope this helps, and I love answering questions, so anyone else please ask away if there are other questions!

SHAMROCK HALF MARATHON 2023

 

Well, so I did it!  I won’t rehash all my previous oversharing about hip and not even knowing how to not RACE in a race, but to simply go and be in it and attend it.  I completely showed up at this race hoping I could actually get THROUGH IT- somehow, which I realized may involve walking, to the finish line.  And I did!

Overall, it was better than I expected.  I was so lucky and happy to know someone else at this race and be able to see them at the start line as they prepared for their BIG EVENT- the marathon with big goals. So, it honestly HELPED ME to not be in my own head.  I was mostly in my head at this point about worrying if I would need to go to the bathroom during the run.

I had jogged a mile as a warm up to get to the start line and I was SUPER nervous because THIS DID NOT FEEL GOOD.  I was having my big unfortunate SHIN / ANKLE cramping issue on that jog, I Have ZERO idea why.  But I thought, well, maybe now after walking it out and standing around for a bit, it won’t happen again.  AND IT DIDN’T! I am so thankful because I seem to have no control over when it comes or not.

Anyway, the race began and I started and stuck to my job of jogging easy and steady.  I started breathing a little, but not at all that first mile typical of a race, and my legs were just literally jogging and I was checking in thinking, anything with shin?  And NOTHING, so it was great!  I had planned that maybe this mile could be a 9 min mile pace, but honestly, I’ve gone out recently for runs and the first mile can be anywhere up to 11:30 even because my legs sometimes just do not function.  I knew on flat, it would be easier, but still didn’t want to overdo since I’m not fit enough to push right now, and I thought 9 may be a good guess.  I was at 8:45.  But I was ok with it being slightly under 9 because my effort was literally just totally fine.  I didn’t want to get excited, and I told myself to just keep it as it was and see how the first 4 miles felt.  I kept the effort, but each mile kept sneaking up a little faster.  I didn’t want to do the wrong thing, but I just kept checking in with my effort and I knew I was just easy and steady and fine.

We were at maybe 3.5-6, heading out of this residential street and up a hill and I was still in a large crowd of people and I Hear behind me, like maybe a tenth of a mile behind me (so not like directly behind me) a guy continuously YELLING something.  Like he was having a conversation ina YELLING voice.  Like he wanted everyone to hear?!  I was like wtf is this guy doing.  Until I realized, OK, I think he is a pacer and he kept yelling out when he could see port a pots coming up on the right, or water stations, reminding people nuun in blue, water in white cups, etc.  He was telling stories though as well and all in this SHOUTING VOICE, which I was honestly like I Have GOT to get away from this guy.  The noise was breaking up my head space and I was kind of like, first: how is a guy YELLING HIS WORDS CONTINUOUSLY, like he has literally not shut up yet.  And also- does he think we really all want to hear his conversations and stories.  They were all fine and random, but I found it odd.  Anyway, I finally disconnected from his noise and let it be less annoying.

Once we entered fort story, I Realized the port o pots weren’t happening anymore and… of course I start to think, uh oh, I might need one.  But it wasn’t a disaster, so I just kept steady and was fine.  I took a stinger for some calories at mile 4 and I wonder if that was what started me thinking I needed to use a bathroom, and then knowing I couldn’t?  Anyway, it wasn’t until afdter the 8 mile mark that there was a bathroom, so I headed into that and luckily was fine for the rest of the race!  I started to also at that point really start to feel LEGS.  Like my running/ breathing/ cardio was FINE… I was not working hard at all.  But my legs were beginning to get fatigued, and I realized I don’t have enough training under me to really know how this is going to go.  I’m still just holding steady effort, although I had descended and had a few miles under the 8 min mile pace at like 7:57, 7:53, 7:53 and I was like NO FASTER SHARON.  But then again, it was flat and I don’t’ even know what that is like since running in reston is so naturally hilly EVERYWHERE.  After I got out of the bathroom, we exited fort Story soon and there we were back in the neighborhood roads, people on the side streets cheering us on.  With my legs getting tired and the worry in my head that maybe my legs wouldn’t be able to keep going, I just committed to getting to the next mile and not doing any pushing.

My miles did start to back into the low 8’s for pace here.  I kept thinking about Rachel ahead of me who was on her big marathon day, and how honestly I was SO THANKFUL to not be doing the marathon!  (although I was realizing, dUH, I wouldn’t have as tired of legs if I had because I would have done some more TRAINING!)  I was happy to hit 10 miles because in my mind I had thought, geez, you may have to walk the last few miles back, and I knew at 10 that I could at least run another mile.  And same thing at 11, I was like I can do a mile , I’m still fine, now I’m working and my legs are progressively getting more fatigued but I’m okay and HIP is not doing anything funky with giving out at all!  At 12, I definitely knew I could finish, and maybe tried to just KEEP effort here, although that was now resulting in slowing down.

We turned to go onto the boardwalk and it was CRAZY CHURNING of the ocean, the wind was so strong by the ocean.  I absolutely hate running on the cement boardwalk, even though I love being right up next to the ocean, the cement surface I can FEEL IMMEDIATELY in my feet and legs and back.  But I knew it was just the last bit up to the finish line.  I did get a little extra oomph in last ¼ mile as I saw the finish and again, this was just a feeling of PURE enjoyment of participating and being pleasantly surprised that I wasn’t nearly as slow as I thought I might be.  I literally thought that I might be like 20-30 minutes slower, depending on how things were “functioning”, so I was so grateful to be running in decent form and while not near my regular half marathon times, I was acutely aware that I could have been way back taking a long walk in.  This was such a motivating marathon to me- do be able to participate, and within that participation, realizing that maybe this might be the new normal- not needing to try to go fast, just going with what I have on that day- and it was still REWARDING!!!! 

*It certainly didn’t hurt that we were at the OCEAN and that I got to stay in a room that was OCEAN FREAKING FRONT. Like the entire night before the race, I could hear waves.  It was AMAZING.  I was so thankful in so many ways.

Below are my splits for my review if I ever do this race again.  Thanks for reading😊

Mile 1 8:45

2              8:26

3              8:19

4              8:02

5              7:57

6              7:53

7              7:53

8              8:02

9              8:44 (bathroom break)

10           8:09

11           8:12

12           8:20

13           8:14

Finish    1:38

Total: 1:48:39

Change in Perspective

 

                          A New Perspective.

I am supposed to do a ½ marathon this weekend.

(That is ABSURD).

So, some of you know, I haven’t really been able to run much since October.  I have gotten some weeks of running in, some long runs that I have muddled through of 12-14 miles, where I think, ok, I can maybe get through this???

I had a cortisone injection into my hip joint 2 weeks ago, then the 4 days off while letting it “absorb”?  or heal… hopefully?! 

 Literally, I am terrified.  HOW DO I DO THIS?  How do I do a “race” that I am not “ready” for, trained for completely prepped!  As all good Type “A”er personality types, I previously have made DARN WELL SURE to be prepped for any race that I’ve entered (why enter, unless it has been a meaningful and intentional goal to prepare well for).

So, I Need to mentally prepare, because, this is going to be different.  I literally may take over 30 minutes longer than I’ve ever taken to do a half marathon.  I don’t even mentally know how to do that.

Some thoughts:

First:  Where do I even GO at the start line if I’m not trying to go FAST!!!?  Ha!  I won’t really write the answer here because I do not know.  I will try to be smart and put myself in a place that is consistent with being calm and beginning the race in a way that is “sensible.” Which honestly just makes me laugh.  SENSIBLE.  Like sensible shoes?  When I do races, I do not want to be in the category of sensible!  I toe the freaking LINE and will darn well find out if I can hang on!  (maybe this is why I have no hamstring tendons intact?!)  But for this race, I will sit back and pretend I am appropriately calm and collected to enjoy the experience.  I’m going to practice acting like I am fine with arriving as I am, nothing more, nothing less.  (yes, a bit of yoga talk here. I love those words).  I will be near the sounds of the ocean and I will smile in gratitude that I am literally even ARRIVING!  I will rise to simply what IS.

The first 3 miles I will just begin and again, remain calm and check in with awareness of my body.  (are my legs working?) (I am not kidding, these are the questions I will have to ask).  I’m going to not mentally backtrack to last year where I rain so strong in the marathon and qualified for Boston.  I will remain true to what is right today.  Not 2-5-8 years ago. 

Next 5 miles- l’ll focus on keep up this patient work and maybe getting into a groove and running a bit smoother and stronger, mostly more efficient as the time goes on, without causing damage.  Maybe this race is “damage mitigation blended in with being in the joy of race environment”?  Never have I done a race in this state, so the goal really is to FINISH without causing harm, and through these miles it is going to be imperative to be very humble and lose any ego.  I’ve done some runs lately that honestly by 8 miles I’m toasted.  My energy levels are troubling; I’m taking B12 now in addition to Vit D.  I just don’t know if there is an energy problem? Dehydration?  Or am I just simply unfit still from not running for so long?  Either way, These miles I need to go so easy because I’m at a place that I’m not even sure if I can FINISH this run, so I need to change perspective and LEARN FROM THIS SITUATION I find myself in- how to be conservative (in a run sense!).

Mile 8-10.  Since I’m definitely not my fittest, I am going to be asking myself to just still stay as strong and in the game as I am able, taking it with awareness.  If I do not run with intentionality and awareness, I am dooming myself to form that is not conducive to being gentle on the hips.  There can just simply never be a moment of ego arriving during this race.  I am not defined by this day.  Keep moving forward.  This is a great opportunity for growth- we are only growing when challenged, and I know I’m going to be challenged both emotionally and physically in this race.  I want to own the experience, not wallow in frustration that I cannot run as I typically would, but own the experience of doing a race in a condition that is really not optimal.

Mile 10-13.  Check in and if there is anything left, and since this event is all about trying to make some sort of way to the finish line, I am sure that I will be needing to channel my ability to be comfortable while being quite uncomfortable.  Just trying to finish is such a different way of racing for me (or not racing). But here I am, and I cannot overthink it and get lost in my head.  Instead, open to the outside and ENJOY the air, the atmosphere, the community and connection around you.  See what it is like to be in a different group of people in the race than I typically would.  These final miles are going to come down to finding an ability to be full of JOY for something that I love.  And, if I am struggling to finish, maybe all the better- since that is one of the big things that I miss about being in better fitness.  I’m simply LUCKY to be able to be out on the roads, on my feet, in my body, and trying my best.  I’ll take it.

HIPS and BACK, oh my.... 2023

 

WOW. The body keeps the score.

So, I had my MRI followup today with the orthopedic dr. that specializes in hips. Fun times.  I actually couldn’t wait to go in.  First- I couldn’t wait for last weeks “nap” in the MRI tube.  Then today, I couldn’t wait to kind of hear my future.

After my MRI, I received the report online and saw that it wasn’t great.  Gosh- there were tears in all hamstring tendons, labral tears, bone marrow edema, the structure of my actual bones in hip is not within the degrees it’s supposed to be sitting in, blah blah blah.  I was a little shocked, but also not shocked at all- there was a reason I had gone in- there was bad stuff going on- hip giving out and MASSIVE PAIN when it goes out.  On top of this, although I can “run” sometimes, my entire leg like doesn’t FIRE right- all the way through my calf/shin/ankle/foot.  It is just not firing cohesively and it feels like my calf/shin/ankle are going to explode with pressure.  It’s just strange.  I knew the MRI wasn’t good, but I got to this odd place of almost kind of like laughing it off like “geez, everything is torn, whoa”… knowing I had to wait until today to get more details anyway, so why get too much in my own head about it.

Well, today happened.  When I arrived, I kind of made up a story to myself that maybe I was reading the MRI wrong- that maybe the ortho wouldn’t really think these tears were too bad.. or all the other things too troubling!  And… off I could go, back to the open roads…  Obviously, that was a story.

He walked in and just kind of looked at me, like whhhhhheeeew, and said, well, “there’s a lot going on in your hip and back, isn’t there.”  And so with that, I knew my fake story was not going to hold.

So, we reviewed the tears, both hips now, (one hip full thickness tear of the tendon), a bunch of other fun things, grade 3 arthritis (over 50% cartilage gone), but he said my back is almost as troublesome as my hips (not surprising to me, my back is my real fear in life because when that goes out, I’ve never experienced greater pain). I have herniations L3 and below down to S1 with the bottom one pressing on a nerve root (which I FEEL daily, so again not a surprise to me, almost a nice confirmation). No surgery now because we are going to prioritize problem solving and finding out what is causing maybe the most pain.  I’ll have an injection in the hamstring tendon first.  Then a few weeks later, maybe one in the hip joint to see if that dissipates symptoms.  Maybe one in back.  It’s ok, we don’t need to solve it today.  He said what needed to be said- that this isn’t surprising for someone as active as I am, but I am now at a place that I need to make some decisions because I will not be able to continue doing what I’m doing and he realizes it is also my profession/passion, and I need to come to some thoughts on where I may be headed.  (well, isn’t that an understatement, ahem).

Anyway, so I got a little dizzy and numb and spaced out (and maybe some tears trying to contain in my eyes) and maybe for the first time realized where I am in my life.  I’m not a spring chicken, even though I love to play one by day.  My time is limited, my body only has so much that it can hold up for, I am not superhuman.  And this is obviously a big deal to my heart.  My life since I can remember it has been in sports and active.  I knew from when I was so darn small that moving, pushing myself, playing physically, spoke to my soul.  I somehow get a RUSH from being physical.  Even now, when I hang on my pullup bar to get some traction on my back, if it feels better, I start swinging, and SWINGING reminds me of being a gymnast and somehow the joy of playful moving just lights up my heart.  I’ll be the first to admit, most nights, either as I’m falling asleep or in the middle of night if I’m trying to fall back asleep, I am visualizing myself doing bar or beam routines (of course never vault!!).  I picture myself doing routines and movements I’ve never even done- way above my level, but it is still just this weird OBSESSION.  I often think there is something majorly wrong with me that I am this old, still doing routines in my head, but other times just am having fun with my fake routines in my head that I don’t mind!  It is what I’ve always loved, who I am.

This past December, after I went surfing in Hawaii, I couldn’t believe that for about 2 weeks after, my night time “visualization” routine went to SURFING- was so odd- I just kept repeating this EXHILARATION feeling that I got a few times when the speed of the wave caught me at just the right time and there was this HUGE FORCE just pulling me on the board.  It was this perfect mix of a bit scary and just pure DELIGHT.  This just reinforced to me what I already know- MOVEMENT just speaks to me.

For whatever reason, the exhilaration of pushing, the frustration of the struggles, the exhaustion of the grind, the perseverance in the goal are in the fibers of my being, my true essence.  I love racing, but it is the daily/weekly/monthly training that gives me pure joy in the journey.  I’ve literally never known life without this daily chasing of a goal, and so there it is- I definitely feel this gut punch.  This reality of needing to set some shift in priorities and long term thoughts, this recognition that my time is limited to achieve some of my running and triathlon goals is not what I wanted.  But it is what it is, I’ve done literally every single thing I could to stay healthy and strong, and this is where the cards fell with my body.

Do I have a pang of pissed off ness?  Yes.  I have a little pity party for myself thinking that my body has ALWAYS felt against me, specifically of course when it mattered most when I was a young gymnast.  Now, I feel like I’m just in an alternate fight against my insides which feel red, raw and occasionally now give out on me.  Frustrating.

But I also realize, I’ve sure had a really good run at all this that I’ve loved.  I’ve put on these old bones thousands of miles.  I’ve run through desserts, along oceans, through mountains.  I’ve connected with cities and towns that I’ve traveled to for races by being literally IN THEM- in the streets.  In grinding out the last 10K of marathon, I always feel like you get “connected” to the earth you are in the midst of.  I’ve seen sunrises, run in the dark, my first marathon and Ironman were in the pouring rain. What a FULL RIDE it has been.  I’ve ran in Oregon, California, Arizona, Vermont, Alabama, Wisconsin, and all over the east coast.  I’ve run in closed off streets in DC (swam in the filthy Potomac River), but just am thrilled to have had the capacity to do all that I have done.  It has been an honor to get as far as I did:  remember, I was the girl who got mocked by her high school gym coach when I couldn’t finish the mile without walking and she screamed across the track, “Sharon Anderson, the GYMNAST- cannot run a mile”. (horrifying… but as always, don’t ever doubt me).  I began doing these races because I wasn’t sure I could.  I was running FROM stuff, and ended up running into the dream of a lifetime. 

I’m not done completely.  I am thinking, strategizing, prioritizing.  I’ll have to be choosey with my training and my goals.  I’ve done Big Sur marathon, which was a huge bucket list item.  But I do have  more, and now I have to see how I can manage to do what I can with whatever my cartilage/bones/tendons have left.  And who knows, I’ve committed to myself that I WILL live in Hawaii someday, so maybe daily surfing is in my future…. I mean…. Less stress on the joints, right?!

So there it is.  Thanks to so many of my friends for caring and knowing this is something I’m really working to process and put together right now.

PRUNING.... making the way for health.

 

PRUNING:

Yesterday, Mother Earth gave us a respite and the afternoon temperatures reached the 60’s and the SUN was out, so I went out to do 20 min of clearing out the winter gardens, which is always good for my soul.  When the hydrangeas are in their winter stage, it is easy to see what needs to be cleared and pruned out, but I haven’t honestly been as good over the years at this as I’ve needed to, because I hate being out in the cold weather, as many of you know.  So, this is a task that gets forgotten and overlooked historically over the years.  When I do it, it isn’t usually done completely or well.

As I was getting into some of my beloved hydrangeas, I was noticing so many dead shoots.  They were actually overwhelming; it almost seemed the whole bush might be looking dead. I had to keep getting rid of so much dead that I didn’t even know had died.  I realized that all of this overgrowth- of not getting rid of the dead stuff over the years (or at least not completely) ended up killing off other branches because of overcrowding.  There was no room for healthy growth because the dead wood was essentially suffocating out any potential for the whole hydrangea to be healthy.

It struck me so harsh and apparent…. How timely…. To realize that not doing the maintenance needed limits full potential of growth.  Limits full flourishing.  Continuing to do things that aren’t productive and healthy and positive smother the space for joy.  Our lives have only a certain amount of space in each day, and if we are choosing, even if that choosing is in a passive way of choosing to not act, we are choosing to smother ourselves.  We are choosing to not live fully.

Sometimes it is brave to prune.  It’s like acknowledging the death of a dream, the need to clear away, the acknowledging the end.

January Wrap up 2023

 

END OF JANUARY

How freaking fast did THAT go??!!

Seriously. (or actually was it LONG, haha!) I love January- the new-ness- new goals and intentions, and I also DETEST January- the grey and cold.  It’s been a month. 

So, I’m asking myself to kind of come back here, to myself, to my honest place- this little space of writing which is really just enjoyment and accountability to myself.  I’m coming back here to ask myself- “DID YOU RISE?”

RISE is my “intention of the year/word of the year”. And so I should ask myself this once in awhile and readjust when necessary, be honest enough with myself to hold myself accountable.  I mean, if it matters to me, I should be able to be honest with myself.

Was it my best month?  NO.  I was down and frustrated.  My hip gave me trouble basically after the first week into January seemed to get worse.  My mood went right along with that and the weather and rain and cold and dreary air that looked like sad air to me.

Here is what I did.

For my hip:  I did not give up.  I kept going for chiro/went to my PT/ made an appointment now with ortho and I am sure after that I will get an MRI.  So the plan is in action for me to dive deeper and see where things are really standing with my hip.  I listened to it and did my best. I did all I could do.  I literally am unable to power through when my hip is not letting my leg work (often when I cannot run, I know it is TRIGGERED by what is going on in the hip, but the pain that makes me stop/ that I cannot push through has been in my calf/shin/ankle with some sort of pressure that flares and literally I think my leg will explode.  I cannot run through it).  2 weeks ago, my hip started giving out/ I couldn’t stand on it for a few days.  Then I couldn’t go UP the stairs.  Funny enough I could jog a little but just not go upstairs. And I would gasp doing little small steps randomly.  That week hurt so bad, and had my nervous system just ON FIRE with pain, so ….. there were tears.  I really hate being in nerve pain.  Luckily that seems to have dissipated to a great degree and probably as I write this it is about 5x/day maybe where my hip seems to “go out” and I catch myself with my other leg (yes, as I gasp… which I Really hate, but the searing pain just takes my breath away, does anyone else have this?)  That being said, I’ve now had a few days where I can run again?  I have no idea when I head out if I will be gone for 90 seconds or an hour.  So, I have mentally gotten myself to this place where I am just trying to roll with it and if I have to come back after 5 minutes, then I have to just get on my bike, do other stuff- drills, strength, movement that I CAN do.  This is not my favorite option, but it is reality.  So I’m just trying to both accept it, but not grow stagnant and let myself waddle into pitiful shape. I have been successful at daily doing the things I’ve asked myself to commit to that I know helps my hips:  rolling, trigger point, daily yoga and mobility.  I am doing all that I can.

Now, turning to my lack of love for this season:  I have an actual spreadsheet, guys.  And on my spreadsheet are my “tools” that I Use to keep me healthy and happy.  I’ve of course added drinking water to this because I just cannot do it without giving myself the pleasure of checking off a box at the end of the day… but- I have about 8 other tools that I have identified and I commit to as many of those things each day as I can to serve my mental health, joy, and prioritize staying on track.  I do these things knowing that they are little moments that I can claim for ME- that I am taking care of myself with being intentional. The day will GO BY without them, so I OWN that they are part of “my work”!  And yes, I call this RISING to take care of myself fully. 

A trick that I have used for years that I continue to use daily is the “Today, I GET TO” question.  Every morning, I ask myself 1-2-3 things that “I GET TO” do.  So often, I realize- the things that were weighing me down on my shoulders as things that I “have to” do….. are actually GET TO do things- I find that I really can see them as a privilege to do, a joy, an opportunity.  For me personally, this little reframing each morning can be the difference between a gloomy mindset and the start of a great day.

I am here at the end of January…. Not where I want to be yet, but on my way daily😊

FEBRUARY IS HERE-- 28 days.  4 weeks of DAILY OPPORTUNITY!