On Coaching......

On Coaching… finding a coach, being a coach, being coachable!

I love coaching people for fitness and races.  I’ve been coaching since I’ve been personal training, which is since 1999.  (oh my gosh, I just realized this has been 20 years now).  There is so much I love about coaching because I have the opportunity to see the growth, the struggles, adaptations, progress, journey and the joy of success.  Coaching is ALWAYS a blend of science and a bit of art, a bit of matching the science with the person, and discovering along the way.

I obviously am biased…. But I do honestly have moments of disbelief and questioning, “Why would someone NOT have a coach?”  I understand--- it is a cost, it is a luxury.  But, I also realize that for a goal that means BIG THINGS to you (as GOALS should!!), it is amazingly helpful.

A few things I’ve learned over the years:

*FINDING A COACH---

---------Reach out and ASK.  Coaches are usually busy coaching and doing what they do, and they are COACHES.  They are not marketing specialists.  My point is:  reach out and tell them what you are hoping to achieve, ask how they can help you, etc.  This is the start of the relationship/conversation that needs to happen, so make it happen.

-------Speaking of:  the conversation should be two sided—ask them things that will let you know if this is a coach that will be right for you.  Let the coach know YOUR expectations of what you are looking for and need.  The potential coach should have many questions for you also.  If they are not asking about your goals (big dreams and smaller benchmarks)/background/history in the sport, injury history, etc….  ) they SHOULD BE!  And the coach should have expectations of YOU as well!

-----Do you want to have a coach that is local and to do in person coaching?  Or are you looking for online coaching, where your coach can be far away from you, but still create plans for you based on communication of results, training session updates, etc.  If you are wanting someone local to do in person coaching, this is usually to see your form or work with you in some capacity on strength as it applies to your sport, form with your sport, OR the motivation to get the hard training done.  Sometimes they will offer group coaching so you can split the hourly cost.  If you are looking to have a coach give you a plan for progressing your speed, fitness, endurance, as long as you are both great at communicating, you can be across the world, frankly.  I coached 2 athletes while they were living in Japan, someone in Saudi Arabia, in California and also Washington state. (and I am in virginia).



*BEING COACHABLE.

------ouch, this is a big one.  It is hard.  I have learned over time that sometimes people are not quite reach to have a coach.  Let me explain.  To be coachable, you have to be able to BE OPEN.  If you are seeking out a coach, it means that you are open to their ideas of progress.  You can of course ask them questions (and as coaches, this is a DELIGHT when people do ask!!!!), but if you are doubting your coach’s plan for you without talking to them about it and voicing your concerns, this lack of positive open-ness and trust WILL play out later (and not in the way you would like!).  You have to be open to receive instruction in ways that maybe you wouldn’t give to yourself.  This is sometimes the whole essence of coaching for people—for example, sometimes people know that they simply will not do something without being told to by their coach and accountable to that coach.  On the flip side, others will sometimes think/doubt/second guess the plan and “change it” to what they think is really the best thing for them, and….. well, again… don’t blame the coach when results don’t happen when you do this!   An example is this:  As a coach, I always flat out tell athletes that when creating a training program, I often ask myself, “what is the hardest training set that I can think of for this person to do before this race or big goal.”  From that, maybe I come up with a plan- for example a brick workout (bike/run combination) that is a 30 mile bike/10 mile run.  (this is just example). I may specifiy that I want the 30 mile bike to be a 5 mile warm up into 3x 5 mile segments all out with 5 miles light recovery.  Immediately into the 10 mile run as 2 miles transition, then each 2 miles build pace. 

Athlete A thinks: perfect- this is what I need, and there is no way I would have attempted this unless Coach told me to.  This athlete goes and gives it what they can.

Athlete B thinks:  really?  I’ve never done this before.  I’ve heard/read that you shouldn’t do anything longer than 1 hour running after a bike for training.  My last coach never gave me this workout to do.  This athlete goes out and… not quite believing fully in the workout…. Does the bike but then does half the run because … of reasons above and wanting to “not overdo” training during the run, thinking, well if I can do 5 or 6 of these miles, then certainly I can do 4 more…. (NOT). 

I’ve seen both of these things happen.  Enough said.  One coachable.  One not.  Believe in yourself, BELIEVE ALSO IN YOUR COACH!!, take risks, commit to the work.



From the persepective of… “BEING A COACH”:

*Please send us results.  Let us do our job WELL!!!!!  Results are MORE THAN:  “I did Mondays workout.”  That tells me not much.   It doesn’t tell me what was easy/hard, how it felt, where you struggled, what you felt after, and on and on….  The MORE you tell me as your coach, the more I can help you!

*Develop yourself as an athlete by following the ENTIRE plan:  strength, endurance, mental training, core, stretching, nutrition, sleep, etc. 

As coaches, we know things come up, life happens, sickness happens, family events come up,  (and I can have you train WITH your family!!)

and we will see your commitment through these things.  Adjustments can be made for work travel, and GOALS CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED if you truly do want what you say you want😊 bad enough!

 

One year later....

One year later…..

A year ago, I walked off the course of one of my favorite “A” races and DNF’d..  Eagleman is always an A race for me because it is my top priority, usually.  I train diligently, through the winter, on the treadmill, getting my butt to the pool when it is cold outside, and generally committing myself to doing the best I can at this one race.

In 2018, I was having a very good race, but just lost my heart to care.  It was a very odd year of training, you can read about here, but I just generally was lethargic, flat affect/ feeling quite depressed, and this race was the pinnacle of…. I just don’t have my heart anymore.  I don’t have a fire.  And there was nothing about finishing the last 10 miles of the run that seemed appealing to me.  You cannot finish a race like this without the heart.  I knew it was time to take off.

I also had been struggling with a huge conglomeration of hip injuries through the summer of 2018 while I was focusing on doing Olympic distance triathlons and in August, I was officially DONE.  I was sedentary (not joking) through November.  I couldn’t even walk the dogs without pain.  I frankly couldn’t SIT without pain.  I was so lucky to have a new goal to work towards with getting into Big Sur marathon, and even luckier to make it through the training with my hamstring and hip working decently! 

A month ago, I drove my daughter to a volleyball tournament in Maryland and we had to drive through Cambridge, EAGLEMAN LOCATION!  Ohhhhh I was feeling all the feels and was beginning to get the JEALOUS feeling for some of the people who were going to be in the race!!!  This is my race, I love this race, I’ve done it for so long!!!  I liked the little jealous feeling because it showed maybe I’m getting some desire back??  And with the proximity to the race nearing even further and hearing more about the race, I kept that edgy feeling of being EXCITED for….. maybe next year????  Maybe?? 

Then, the day of race came, and could it BE????  It was not going to be 98 degrees in Cambridge MD?!  How can Eagleman even be held when it is not 98 degrees!!  OHhhh I was a bit jealous again!!!! Wondering how I could do in this race without the oppressive heat (which I also kinda love a bit!)… And then… the SWIM was cancelled! I thought- WHY AM I NOT THERE!!?!?!  But then….. I realized, it is cold and windy and rainy… and I have ZERO DESIRE to be out there in cold and rain.  So, I was happy with this that I was NOT in Eagleman this year.

However, this also made me realize that I have much more “soul searching” to do. 

In the past, it wouldn’t have mattered 98 degrees or 58 degrees….. it wouldn’t have mattered, sun, clouds, wind, rain…. I was focused and determined and my MIND was unstoppable.  Regardless of degrees, wind direction, the skies.  Those were irrelevant factors.  And I realize now- I am still not ready.  This is not how I train and race.  I don’t invest my everything when it ends up being conditional upon the weather forecast.  I know better, and as an athlete, that is not who I am

Of course, soul searching leads to more questions than answers.

Do I need more time away from Eagleman?  Do I need to have maybe that edge of “fear” of a new race I haven’t conquered, similar to Big Sur Marathon, which I definitely had some doubts about going back to marathon distance for…. And I LOVED it, I loved the pride of finishing what I was really only HOPING to do!  Maybe another location for ½ IM distance instead of Eagleman?

Do I not love the sport anymore? I do, and I know I do- I love the races, but I also love love love love love the training….. maybe I am loving the training more than the racing and the focus on results.

Maybe I need to learn to race without being result oriented.  One month ago, in Big Sur marathon, I literally had no result goal other than to finish.  FOR REAL.  I wasn’t even lying when I said that!  And it was actually really nice.  I’m not used to not focusing on just being moderate in my intentions, and maybe this is something to practice more of in the future.

Or, do I need to just find WITHIN this new mentality of triathlons maybe not being such a top priority, a way to do them and find WITHIN this “relative softness” of mind, a firm focus that I will commit to the goal at a different “level of mindset”?? 

It has been many years since triathlon was my fierce focus (ummmm, hello KIDS in my life!!).  And I love and fully accept my ……… ummmm… aging self…I am happy with the new balance that I feel in the things I love spending my time on, including taking some time to relax!

But, I don’t want to be “done.”  And I am not.  I’m one year out, much further along than I was last year, but still not completely clear of where I am headed.  And that is okay.  We will see.  Maybe learning a bit of moderation is coming soon.

2015 race

2012 morning

 2014 race

No reason not to practice.

No reason to not practice…

I was an unlikely yoga student.  19 years old, in college, completely type AAAAA and knowing I was not where I wanted to be mentally, I signed up for a yoga class series.  I went to only one out of 8 classes.  I found it horrible to be learning different types of nostril breathing and it just was not a good start.  I may also not have been ready and willing to accept the practice that it would take to change some of my patterns.  It was a huge deal that I PAID for a class that I did not continue with.  I do not do that type of thing.

THANKFULLY!!!, 25 years later, and 18 years of practicing yoga, I can positively say that yoga has changed my life. I don’t say this to mean that I have reached zen or nirvana (have you SEEN me lately!!!), but I am firmly within the work I need to be doing.  That means I am practicing.  I am not a perfect yogi, physically or mentally.  I get injured, and I still and will always be a work in progress of clearing my mind, being okay with what is, and being patient with myself and others. But I am in the middle of this work, fully immersed, bringing my practice into my days.

Why am I writing about this?  Because I simply see so clearly and completely how much it could improve others’ lives, but not everyone is willing to take the step.  To step in and practice without being perfect. The step to begin. To begin, even in a horrible place with one’s mind reeling over past or current struggles.  It pains me when I see people putting off something that could help them.  Maybe not today, this week, this month, but over the course of practice, nothing will improve without beginning.  I sometimes try to share that sentiment, but I also can get a general feeling of when someone is not open to suggestions, when their mind is already made up that they are too far off balance to even be helped (in their opinion).

I work with people struggling physically with injuries, chronic tightness and physical ailments that could be completely improved (I’m not saying completely FIXED/ never to return)… but yes, improved and the severity of daily pain lessened with even a 1-2x/week practice.  Tight hips lead to knee and foot problems, back problems and more.  Tight hamstrings lead to ineffective and painful running over time.  Tight muscles make it painful to go from stand to sit in our daily lives, to turn in our cars to look backwards when going in reverse.  Tight hips lead to neck and shoulder tightness which hurts, is distracting, always on your mind that you just don’t FEEL GREAT.  It is so frustrating to me when I suggest something that has only the potential to help, and people will reject the idea of trying…. “because they aren’t flexible.”  Duh.  I know….  That is why I am suggesting it.

And furthermore…. We are adults. So what if you are not flexible and cannot balance?  That is fine!  We have modifications obviously, and a wall to hold onto for balance!  We are not trying to be perfect, this is talking about a once/week yoga class, not registering for the Olympic trials.  Do we need to be good at things to begin?  Is this what we ask of our kids- no- so why would we consider asking ourselves to only do things that we already excel in.   It drives me bananas. (and see…… I need to “let this go”- let go of my desire to control and make things happen and just LET them happen…. And it is good of me to recognize this as the ideal, but I still feel frustration….. again…. I am not buddha, I am me, in my practice, evolving and learning).

I know many who struggle with anxiety, depression and more….. as do I.  I know the seriousness and implications of mental health, and you could even say it is a major reason why I got into fitness in the first place.  I often hear some people say that they cannot do yoga because they cannot quiet their mind.   They would be sitting there with their thoughts racing, etc.  But, how would you learn to quiet your mind without practicing the skill? The only way to BEGIN noticing your patterns of thoughts, to begin to slow the mind, is to work to slow it for one moment.  And then maybe a few breaths.  And then this goes through your days and you notice yourself more.  You notice being centered and you notice when you are not.  You learn to control your reactions, to let things be, to release expectations, of others and yourself.  Obviously, this is not in a week.  Quite frankly, we are never done with this lesson, which is why we continue the practice.  There is no perfect in yoga, as there is no perfect in life.  But we can work on things that we want to work on!

In so many ways, yoga has fundamentally changed my life.

*I continue to be amazed how within the first 30-60 seconds of sitting and breathing on my mat, I feel the change within:  I feel the change within, the streaming of softness through my bloodstream and the change of everything flowing within.  I realize I am ok, ok in so many ways.

*Yoga is my first experience in not sucking in my stomach.  I sucked in my stomach from age 7 until probably 25!!  I learned to let my belly be soft and move with breath, thus calming my nervous system.  What a life change!  It amazes me daily the power of inhaling and being okay with my stomach rising. To me, that is finally acceptance of myself.

*Yoga isn’t always full effort.  It is okay to find ease.  It is more than okay.  It is the path that we seek to listen inwards to what we need and how our body speaks to us.  Some days are days for challenge and some days, we are better off doing a less challenging practice.

*Yoga on the other hand, is finding ease in challenge.  I love applying this to performance in endurance sports.  In coaching others and myself, it is profound to be able to push our bodies so intensely, but at the same time, learn how to be okay with that.  To relax the things that you can relax.  To only focus on the immediate now and breath. 

*Yoga is acceptance of just now.  Not waiting, not reaching, just simply breathing. How nourishing.

BIG SUR MARATHON 2019

BIG SUR 2019

What an event.  Where do I start? Ohhhh my number 1 Bucket list race (and oh yes, I do have more!)

I am so thankful that I got into the lottery so that I could do this race this year.  I loved training for it, accumulating so many miles, so many THANKFUL MILES—thankful that I could RUN AGAIN After my hip/hamstring injury.  Our trip started out wonderfully- it was so beautiful there, and I was just so amazed to see the sights.  My senses were on overdrive for our 4 days there.  Truly amazing.  Our first full day there, we did a bunch of hikes down by Big Sur area, went to the beach at Carmel by the Sea, walked up the big sand hills.  Such an active day that I ended up a bit sore from the hikes the next day!  I never ended up mentioning that to Ryan because I felt kind of stupid that I had maybe overdone it, but I wouldn’t have changed it in any way because WE WERE THERE! Nothing would stop me from doing our full trip!  The day before the race, the hikes we did were much less elevation gain/ easier on ankles, and I told Ryan that at about 1:30 I should really take some time off of my feet, so we went to a wine tasting!  It was right in the city of Monterey and was so fun and nice and relaxing and different- my mind was totally off of running for this time, and that was good!

We had dinner that night and then just went back to the hotel, I had everything lined up for the morning, food, waters, bag of clothes for afterwards, etc. I did legs up the wall for about 30 minutes while reading and then also did “cupping”.  I did this for about 20-25 minutes on my quads and IT band and I have to wonder now if that really did give my legs some benefit/ boost the next day.   Basically cupping is using these suction cups to work into the fascia and bring blood flow to the surface of the muscle and fascia.  It felt good and my legs did feel good the following morning.  (maybe it was the wine flight though?! Haha).

Race morning:

It was early. OMG, I had to wake up at 3:15, had to be at the bus stop in the center of Monterey at 4.  It was a LONG bus ride there.  The 26 miles from Carmel down to Big Sur goes so fast when you are in the middle of the day and have miraculous beauty on both sides of the road to be absorbed in.  But in the pitch black, I just kept thinking… this is REEEEAAAAAALY long!

I got in line for port a pots immediately.  Couldn’t really go.  Ate a banana along with my coffee that I had from the hotel.  It wasn’t as cold as it could have been, so I was so thankful for that! I had my shorts/shirt/arm warmers under long throwaway pants, a long sleeve shirt and another long sleeve shirt that I had planned to throw (both of them) away at the start line.  (they normally donate those clothes).

It really wasn’t a super long wait and that was good.  Waiting is the worst.  It always is- the hardest – the waiting for workouts, for hard track intervals, ughhh get it over and BEGIN! 

Anyway:  it was so exciting at the race line up. I was in Wave 1- predicted under 4 hour time.  I had placed myself there on registration only because all of my previous marathons have been.  HOWEVER.  For this marathon—oh my gosh, I had told Ryan it would be very possible that I may not be coming in until 5 hours?  I had no idea what would happen and I didn’t want to be out there on the course and feel guilty.  I thought it is highly possible that I will have to walk the final 4 miles?  Anyway.  I was in wave #1, we began at 6:45AM- perfect time to begin, with a perfect SONG at the beginning:  the gun went off and “CHARIOTS OF FIRE” started playing.  I loved it!  It was so perfect with the location.  The beginning in Big Sur was wooded, beautiful big trees, etc.   I was so happy.  I was smiling completely- I probably looked like a clown, but I was so happy.  I knew how lucky I was- it would have been so easy for me to not be there- I just got lucky- both with the lottery and with my hip getting better.

The first 5 miles were a net downhill.  It was a perfect beginning.  I would rather finish the final 5 miles uphill than the first 5 miles uphill. The beginning of the run is always the hardest, so the downhill was very welcomed! It literally felt so easy.  My breathing never got hard in that first 5 miles.  It was awesome.  I was totally relaxed, holding a very smart pace.  Within 1 mile, I kind of wanted to already throw my one long sleeve shirt that I was still wearing away, BUT: California and this race particularly were so noticeably environmentally aware that I didn’t want to get “in trouble” by throwing it to the side of the road.  At Mile 1, I saw some people had a few shirts in a pile and so I pulled it off and threw it.  It wasn’t cold and I was already beginning to sweat. 

I continued to be surprised by feeling so great and really at ease, my pace being strong, but knowing I was going downhill.  The scenery was the rustic part of the race with trees, redwoods, cabins, the river on the side of the road, etc.

The 2^nd 5 miles of the race I ended up considering to be my 5 mile “hill warm up”.  On the course elevation map, the hills on this 5 mile section were like little blips.  When they didn’t really FEEL like little blips, I got a bit worried thinking, what is the hill from mile 10-13 going to feel like?  But I just reminded myself to not think about the future and to just stay present with my body, doing the next steps and having focus.  I was telling myself to stay calm and I would deal with the hill when it came.  The miles continued to go well, although my stomach didn’t.  Within these 5 miles, I had 2 port a pot stops.  Good grief.  Luckily, they were efficient and I was probably out within 40-50 seconds.  Boom and run!!!!

I was running near the 3:40 pace group for much of the first 10 miles. I was slightly worried because I knew this was too fast for my finishing time, but I felt “appropriate” in my intensity and I went with how I know I should be working.  I felt a combination of worried, but also happy that I was still around that pace group.

Mile 10: This was the beginning of the 3 mile climb to “hurricane point”. Everyone was talking about it.  All conversation quieted down as the hill began.  No talking.  It was steep.  It’s ok, I trained hills over and over and over and up and down and up and down and 3 miles nonstop uphill on the treadmill as practice.  ½ mile in.  This is VERY STEEP.  The TAIKO drummers were there, which I previously have LOVED in a race.  The drums just rumble through your stomach and gives you this intense beat that vibrates through your being.  This time, however, it didn’t feel as magnificent and I was surprised, but I had too much to concentrate on to dwell on it, so  I just reminded myself to go ahead, continue.  1 mile in.  I was thinking that there has GOT to be maybe 20 feet where it levels out, right?  Should I walk?  No. There will be a place of leveling out.  I kept telling myself to continue around the next corner, and to look LEFT at the ocean!   1.5 miles, no leveling out, but a PORT a POT.  OK, well great, here I go again I quick went in, got my business done and back out quickly uphill. It felt BETTER- like I had had a good “break” from the hill while in the bathroom!  When I came out, I think that may have been the last time I saw the 3:40 pace group.  The 2^nd half of  the hill was definitely less steep, but still felt 9/10 hard.  It frankly SUCKED BAD.  It may have been 9.5/10 bad.  When I hated it, I just said, “look left” and there was the big beautiful pacific.  Calm, peaceful, beautiful.  It reminded myself to stay calm, step by step.  That was all. Super simple.  I tried to not allow it to be too big in my head.  No drama.  Continue on.  I MADE IT.  No stopping and we crested and what a GLORIOUS  1 mile downhill afterwards!

At the bottom of this hill was the famous Bixby Bridge.  We had stopped to take pictures of it two days before and it is just an awesome sight.  It was super neat to run over, I was looking around just literally soaking it in.  So, it was kind of like I was half focused, but “allowing” myself some freedom to also be open to seeing the big picture.  At the end of the bridge was the iconic grand piano playing of Michael Martinez.  I had heard about this tradition and kind of judgily thought…. Grand piano playing???  Middle of a marathon??? Ummmm, no send in more drummers!!  BUT. I LEARNED.  It was perfection…… literally it was like the peacefulness of the ocean, air, mountains, land were being played out in music.  The peacefulness was just the essence of this race.  It was a pure highlight. https://www.ksbw.com/article/big-sur-marathons-mile-13-is-music-to-runners-ears/1319689

So, I had mentally divided my race into 1-5 warm up miles, 5-10 warm up hill miles, 10-13 hill, 13-14 recover with downhill.  14 miles I knew I was coming into a critical time.  NEED TO FUEL.  I think I had messed up some training runs by not fueling well, or early enough.  I made a commitment to have a block/honey stinger at each mile.  And to keep drinking my water that I was carrying.  This was a rather flat portion and I was so so so so so thankful for that! Flat felt so so nice after that hill!  I kept at what FELT a decent pace, and was happily surprised when the miles came and my GPS/watch beeped and I saw that my pace was in fact holding quite steady and strong!

I planned to go from mile 14-17/18 having a block each mile, drinking water and having that be a “segment” that I was focused on fueling.  At mile 17, I took a run gum piece that I was carrying and told myself that I could use that for 2 mile- it has caffeine, was cinnamon and I was hoping it would help my stomach stay calm because it had since approx. mile 13!  So, I enjoyed chomping on my run gum for 2 miles.

I felt great at mile 19 (great meaning…. I was continuing and not slowing down, mentally still connected and strong, not overwhelmed, not giving up, and still HAPPY!  On the flip side of this, I was very aware that my legs were getting quite tired, I felt a few times that my hamstrings and hip were so fatigued and on some of the hills, I thought that it could be any step that would send my hip over the edge back to massive pain where I had once been.  Luckily, that never ended up being the case.)  At this point, I spit out my run gum and went back to blocks and water.  I was drinking my own water, but also there were aid stations every 2.5 miles approximately, so I would also usually get a cup of water from the aid station and take a few sips from that.   I was really nervous to UNDER-fuel. I knew there were 3 hills that were predicted to be quite big from 20-25 miles and I kept myself mentally prepared.  They obviously weren’t as bad as the 3  mile uphill, so I knew I could manage.  I just mentally told myself to take it one hill at a time.  They were hard, my legs were tired, but I was committed and continued step by step.  I didn’t speak nastily to myself when I had to slow down, I just kept my confidence and motivation and took it strong, tall running, focusing on form, and made it up step by step.  There began to be more people lining the sides of the course.  There were bands- a middle school band, a harp player, a banjo.  And there was the view.  It was amazing.  What a beautiful earth we live on.  What a privilege we have to be on this earth, see these things, use our bodies to our potential.

I felt just LUCKY at this point to be a witness to this opportunity.

Hill by hill, I was making it.  Each downhill, I felt more excitement building as I knew I could do it at this point.  I knew I had felt so much worse in training.  It was not easy, but I was still at the point I could keep decent pace, keep form.  There were some times where my hips/hamstring would scream with the hills and I thought, here is the end.  One wrong step and I may pull something and it is over, so I was also being careful.

Mile 24 came and it was the strawberry station.  There was a group of kids handing out strawberries.  Of course I never TRAIN with strawberries, but I remember doing Boston marathon when people were handing out orange slices, they were SOOO good, so I decided to go to the side and get some.  The kid I was aiming for was kind of in a daydream, and I felt a slight annoyance that he wasn’t going quick and I didn’t want to have to slow to a stand to get my strawberries.  I had my hands out like I was going up for a wafer at communion and he got 2 strawberries in my palms.  I took a small bite of strawberry and HEAVEN.  Just the perfect sweetness. I KNEW this could get me to the end.  It would have been so easy to pop the whole strawberry into my mouth and gobble it, but I knew how good it was and I wanted to save it.  So I went about .2 miles further before taking another little nibble of the strawberry.  I only had 2 berries and I didn’t want them to be gone too soon. I tried to save them as long as I could.  Maybe ever 1.5 minutes I’d have a teeny bite.  I was worried they’d start smooshing in my fingers.  I was holding them delicately one in each hand.  They took me really until the last mile.  When they were gone, my hands were free and I knew I could make it to the end.  26 miles came and I was elated.  I of course was way fatigued, legs tired and heavy, but it was a dream come true.  Two tenths of a mile left and I was so so so happy, I could hear the crowds, I began looking for Ryan.  I didn’t see him, I kept looking along the way, making sure also to not miss anything and do something stupid like trip on something when my legs could barely hold me.  But I finally saw him and called his name (shouldn’t it have been the opposite way!!!) Anyway, I was so thrilled, I wanted to cry.  I crossed the finish immediately after I saw him and I couldn’t believe that 26.2 was already done!

Finish time = 3:45:53

In the finishers area, I met up with Ryan and we walked around to keep my legs moving and beginning recovery.  Ryan had brought me a diet coke, which is my favorite thing after a race.  They had minestrone soup, which I think was so helpful to me- broth/some salt/ and veggies.   I went for a 2^nd cup, I changed into dry clothes and we didn’t really hang around there at all because I didn’t want to get cold, which kills my recovery after races.  I showered at the hotel and we walked right away to the harbor area in Monterey, sat on a bench and ate something, walked back and it was then 1:00 when Highway 1 was set to reopen.  So, we got into the car to drive back down to Big Sur.  We sat in an Adirondack chair in the Big Sur river- put our feet in the frozen water- so maybe that was a bit helpful for recovery as well?!  It was PERFECTION!

Mile splits (for my future reference, I know this is not very interesting to many)!

8:25

8:00

7:32

7:33

7:43

7:44

7:50

8:36 (first bathroom stop)

8:06

7:35

10:48 (2^nd bathroom stop plus first mile of big climb)

8:57 (another big climb)

7:19

7:59

9:37 (another bathroom)

8:34

8:11

8:56

8:47

8:53

8:37

9:07

9:13

9:51 (final bathroom)

8:52

9:32

7:32 pace to end.

Marathon Motivation

"The more you frame the marathon as a stressful experience, the more negative messages you'll receive. But it's just as easy to frame it as a positively challenging journey."
-Jeff Galloway, U.S. Olympian, running writer, and coach

I have 6 days until marathon day!  The quote above is one I really connect with.  I have long told the athletes that I coach that for many of these longer races, you had better start your day HAPPY and joyful!  Because if you aren’t, you will REALLY not be feeling well by the end!  I often notice starting feeling so happy, full of joy and exhilaration and so THANKFUL for being there and for the volunteers.  As the miles tick by, I am no longer personally saying thank you to the volunteers which makes me feel bad, my naturally positive feeling dissipates and there are phases of questioning why I am doing this to myself, why I PAID FOR THIS!

 "You can never be sure. That's what makes the marathon both fearsome and fascinating. The deeper you go into the unknown, the more uncertain you become. But then you finish. And you wonder later, 'How did I do that?' This question compels you to keep making the journey from the usual to the magical."-Joe Henderson

I have now done the work.  Looking back at my buildup back into running since my hip injury and my training since January, I have done exactly what I have planned and asked of myself.  I am completely satisfied with every training week that I have had.  I could have done nothing more.  And THAT…. THAT… is the best feeling.  I love going to races being completely as prepared as I can be.  I’m not currently the fittest I have ever been, but I am where I need to be NOW, coming back safe and smart from an injury.  I’ve trained through the winter, logged days and days and miles and miles on the treadmill, had 50-60 mile weeks that I am so proud of.  When I have done the training or send an athlete off to race morning, it is a JOY to have had completely prepared thoroughly in training.  Training is the grueling work, the day in, day out, who you are, what you are made of, getting it done in the middle of LIFE!  Race day is the party and the celebration of the work!  I like to think of it as a “party on the roads”, even if it doesn’t always feel like a physical party!  Which brings me to:

The pain.  I’ve talked a bit about maybe developing a bit of “fear of pain”.  I am glad to have discovered this hovering “thing” which can press down on me both mind and body.  I am fully aware and have done enough self-evaluation to know that I need to separate pain of injury from pain of persistence.  The pain of the time spent in physical pain is nothing compared to pain afterwards mentally of not having done what you could have done, should have stuck with, if you give up.  There is NOT A WAY I will not stick with the race.  ***on a small scale it is like a morning workout:  the “pain” of getting up at o’dark thirty is nothing like the “pain” of going through your day thinking of yourself as a lazy bum for sleeping in.

The reality is that 26.2 miles is long.  It gives you much time in your own head.  You can discover quite a bit about yourself both in the training and during the full duration of the day.  You find your deepest fire.  To finish, you will need it.  Even if your training has gone perfectly, you need a fire to light your way through to completion.  It is not purely a physical event.  You will not make it without the strength of the mind.

I am both excited and nervous about marathon day.  As it should be.  I am excited because this is my passion.  I am nervous because I respect the distance.

I am so excited about the “story” of the race.  At the end of the race, there is always so much I want to tell my family (who really probably doesn’t feel they need to hear the WHOLE thing since they have just WAITED FOR ME!) But there are funny things, surprises, frustrations, moments of hope and anger and annoyance and total solidarity with the thousands of other humans experiencing their stories next to you.  Everyone is in their own footsteps, struggling, helping each other.  Everyone has had months of hard work, early mornings, tired legs.  It is so full of stories.   I am excited to run with full gratitude in my heart for having gotten in the race, for my hip and back injuries to be at the point where I am even ABLE TO RUN- at any level!!!  I am grateful that I have the luxury of traveling.

I am nervous because OH MY GOSH I am now a new marathoner again.  This will be my 10^th (including the marathon in the Ironman I did).  I got relatively “used to” doing them about a decade ago.  Now, I’m kind of amazed that I had gotten to the times that I had gotten to!  I was actually “racing them” (for me.)  Ummmmmm this one will be different- more on the lines of my first- just getting it DONE IS ALL I AM ASKING!  I literally do not have a speed goal (other than I’d like to not be out there FOREVER because that kind of means I really was feeling not very good!).  It will take everything I have right now to go through the miles/ the struggles.  There WILL be struggles.  I will remind myself that what is the monkey on my shoulder at one point will be gone in another mile and there will be something else that will be hurting me.  That too will go away.  Those moments build me.  Those moments of hanging in there are my character, who I am, who I always have been.  I have and will make over and over the decision to go with my all.  This is my bucket list marathon, I am so lucky to be doing this!  I cannot believe I got into the race this year. I am beyond thankful.  It will be my privilege to persevere.

Am I feeling pain? Or is this the feeling of effort.

Pain vs. EFFORT.

Big Sur Marathon is 12 days away.  2 weekends ago, I had my last long run which was supposed to be 23 miles according to the plan I have written for myself.  I had done 22 once that actually felt okay.  I had also done 20 that was H.A.R.D. ugh.  I was mentally prepared (I thought) for 23.  It wasn’t an ideal day- I couldn’t begin the run until 11:00 after a few kid’s sports games, but I left as soon as possible.  By mile 8, I knew I needed some energy so I took my first block, which was earlier than I had intended, but fine.  At 10, I started getting some weird breathing cramps, which was odd- my intensity had not been too much at all, so I didn’t know why I was getting these unless it had to do with the “run gum” that I had started at mile 9.  Anyway, my legs felt heavy, fatigued, and my body was heavy/lethargic feeling and flat.  I was trying to stay calm and not panic with wondering what was going on.  I tried to mentally break up the miles as best as I could- I was doing some hill repeat sequences… because…..hills at big sur….. then I stopped home at I maybe 15 miles to go to the bathroom and got back out asap.  I was just slow and felt a bit miserable.  Each mile took forever and I really just barely felt like I was moving.  I kept trying to eat blocks for energy, but it didn’t really feel like it was giving me too much energy.  It was a beautiful day, in fact hot, so that could have played a role in how hard it felt.  Long story short:  I did 21 because at 20 I had stopped somewhere to refill my water bottle and when I stopped, my body was shaking and I knew I felt a bit light headed, felt like I was 80% on my way to having the flu with body aches, etc.  So, I finished. In a bit of tears because I didn’t do my goal/plan.

The day after this, I was telling someone how I know and accept that I am not going to be fast- there is no possible way, so it would be silly of me to expect some number that is out of my capability.  I just was hoping to be strong enough at this point for it to not feel terrible.  I was reminded that… IT WILL!  IT IS A MARATHON!  You don’t finish a marathon with EASE!  Even when you are appropriately trained!  It will NOT FEEL GOOD.  IT WILL TAKE EVERY SINGLE THING. PERIOD.  Have no other expectations besides putting yourself out there for that.

It was a good reminder.  My last marathon was 7 years ago and that is so long.  I have forgotten, and that is part of why I wanted to do another one this year.  The marathon is so mental.  I may be physically trained at this point as much as I will be, but I still need to work on my mind.  I have much mental prep that I need to do, and I will be doing daily until the race.

I was thinking about my wish for the marathon to not feel terrible.  I feel like I am slightly “afraid” of pain.  I’ve gotten older and softer (physically and mentally!)--- mentally I think I am not as full out committed to the extreme….. I’m not as angry (trying to prove something to myself), scared, which is a good thing.  It is no longer my everything.  I also have high on my heart some of the recent injuries- back and hip, that I am afraid to feel “pain.”  I am reminding myself right now that “pain” of injury isn’t pain of effort.  I think that is a big distinction, at least for myself.  That is helping me right now to mentally prepare for pain, without being fearful of the pain of injury.

The pain of effort:  THIS….. I am willing to go to this pain.  In fact, one of my first mantras years ago that helped me so much was, “No one said that this would be easy.”  I would repeat that to myself mentally, and it reminded me that I wasn’t ever out there for something easy to do.  It was ALL ABOUT doing the hardest things I could think of.  I am not out there to sail through.  I am there to find my grit, use my fire and inner will and power to make it happen.  It will be a fight.  It will be as close to a 10/10 effort as it gets (I usually say you never get to a 10 unless you need an ambulance) but this will be everything and I am prepared for nothing less.  I won’t be smiling the whole way.  I won’t be able to.  I won’t be loving every minute of it, that is not the point.  (at the end though, I will have loved every minute of it in retrospect!) 

I’ve done some races over the years and gotten my fitness to a place at times where I can tell I am the fittest version of my capability.  And sometimes even through that strong effort, when I am at my fittest, there is a sense of “ease.”  I know that is the weirdest thing to say, but it is a feeling of fitness- that I am ABLE to be working at my capability.  I feel like when I am at my fittest, it is easier for me to complete some races than the effort of some people who are doing it slower than me.  And that knowledge has given me a bit of fear of now BEING one of the slower people.

 I have done it before, I have finished 8 marathons (plus 1 that was in an Ironman Triathlon).  And I will be in my strength, step by step, powering through 26.2😊  I have some mental prep still, but I am going to be ready. 12 days.  I finished a strong workout today of 14 miles with 4x (2 miles tempo/1 mile easy) included and I pushed hard and got it done.  I have one more 13-14 miler and some in between runs.  I’m working to already be hydrated, to stay healthy and positive, and prepare my mind.  I’m excited.  Fitness should never be boring and I love varying it up between different distance tris and now going back to a marathon. 

I am fully willing to go through the pain of full marathon effort.  Nothing less.

4 week out jitters

So, I am a bit overwhelmed by being 4 weeks out from the marathon.  Could be a number of things- I  knew this time of year was going to be craaaazy with kids schedules, weekend tournaments, every other thing on the calendar,  band stuff, other school stuff, my work stuff, etc.  So, I am just feeling a bit like I am drowning….and also very tired.  I should be fatigued from the training, but I’m also making sure I’m not going too far overboard, etc.  I am wondering if it is partially allergies? 

I have one very long to do before I start stepping down.  This Sunday will be a long run and I am hoping it goes well.  Unfortunately also playing mind games with myself with a bit of fear of if it doesn’t.

I realized today that part of the fatigue is that I’ve been doing basically ONLY running.   I got on the bike today to do a workout that wasn’t so intense on my body as the running- and it felt so good to do a low intensity bike… I look forward to the weather getting warmer and getting outdoors on my bike!

I’m also reminding myself that while I am “worried” about the race- I just haven’t done this distance in so long, that it is all about FUN, being OUT THERE on the course- on my bucket list course!  And I do truly feel lucky every single run I do to be healed in my back and hip enough to do what I am doing!!!  I am so thankful!

It is big in my heart to feel fully accepting that my races this year are all about progress instead of perfection.  I don’t need to place any pressure on myself to go fast because I am truly just lucky to be healthy and participating.  That is fully my joy to enjoy my training process and the fulfillment of the process on race day!