ROOT CHAKRA- beginning of fall yoga series

 

ROOT CHAKRA.

We start our journey through the chakras at first chakra, the root chakra.  This is the energy center located in the pelvis, and has to do with how you relate to your physical body and feelings of being settled and grounded and at home in our body.

This is the chakra and balance center of feeling safe and secure without fear.

I found it interesting as I started reviewing chakras for the fall season as I Knew that I wanted to go through week by week some chakra focus.  I had taken a week off of work and some day trips and time to relax and restore some energy at the end of the summer.  I expected this week to be such a relief and renewal, and instead I was completely unsettled, felt ungrounded, worried, not in a good place of being able to be where I am.  I felt guilty when I was away for a night, I didn’t feel like I had a right to be taking this time away, I was finding myself focused on the if’s of the future and the worries of my spiraling mental chatter. 

When I began reviewing the root chakra, I realized THIS IS IT!  I am so non rooted feeling right now, so this particularly spoke to me as something I really am spending time on this week is settling.

It has always been a challenge for me to first realize years ago, and continuously remind myself, to not apologize, that I have the right to take up space, the right to be fully in my body, and I like to say this in my yoga classes, the right to get big- to expand with breath- that is our body’s full right!  It is hard for me, and I am clearly in a time of honestly needing to balance myself here.

Some good yoga positions for this root chakra are any that we feel and notice ourself surrendering to gravity and feeling the solid, safe earth holding us up. 

*seated half lotus or cross leg position is a great place to start so that we feel our sit bones connecting with the ground, CHILD’s pose as well could be a great place to come to daily this week.

*mountain position is a great place and position to take that connection with the ground into the reality of our standing posture, and allow ourself to be both rooted in our feet, but rising through our whole space of our body.

*we are doing warrior 2’s and extended angle position this week as a way to also be firm in the foot foundation WHILE opening up hips and our whole space—Warrior 2 is a place to get both wide and tall :  wide through hips and ribs and shoulders and tall through our spine (core engages every time we think of getting tall).

*lizard is another nice root chakra position because it is after some work of opening our hips while we are low to the ground, hands can also be connected to the earth.

As we have a focus each week on the ascending chakras during our classes, if you want to spend some time daily breathing into these spaces in the body with intention, doing some of these poses with an awareness of grounding this week, it may guide you to a few extra stretches/positions during the week to go to.  As we connect to the earth in our root chakra, each day this week, spend some time outdoors, even doing a slow meditative walk, or just simply notice your body being in connection with nature.

LURAY 2022 RACE RECAP

 THE RACE THAT ALMOST DIDN'T HAPPEN

So, maybe you’ve read my pre race thoughts of “nothing more, nothing less”….. and my mind set goals going into my favorite triathlon of the year. 

Well, my intentions were there.

I went to bed early, and….. could not sleep.

Various things going on as to why and why my mind was not in a good place and I had all emotions that began raging out of control.  I was angry at some things, worried, and mentally began going through the race/ trying to imagine a way it could go well, and I just couldn’t do it in my head.  I switched sleeping locations maybe 10x.  It didn’t work.

*Sorry for TMI, but I had just gotten my period and I knew I usually feel terrible day 2 and did not know the LOGISTICS of how I was going to actually even make this race work with having my period. Ugh.

So, I began making up this story that maybe I shouldn’t even do it.  I went back and forth.  Literally.  The ENTIRE NIGHT.  I slept zero.

In the morning, (3:30AM, had to leave at 4), I began getting ready, the entire time self talking that I didn’t know if I was even going.  I didn’t know if I should/ could/ all the things were happening in my mind.  I still got ready, I dind’t know why I couldn’t just make a decision.  I put my bike on the back of car, still not sure.  Then I went and decided I couldn’t wear the swimsuit I was wearing.  I’ve worn it before, but it’s never been my exact favorite fit, and all of a sudden I just decided I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t be so uncomfortable with the back of the suit so high across my upper back/ I felt like it was digging into my under arms/lats and I hated that I could feel it pushing on my skin, not only feeling annoying, but looking terrible in my mind.  So, now I am at 3:55 in a rage trying to find another swim suit (not just swim suit but one that was for tris).  This is really not how I rumble before a race, I never CHANGE my idea on what I’m wearing to race in the morning of, OMGOSH.

OK, so got a swimsuit and got in car.  I’m doing it.  At this point, a few other female logistical things were weighing on me and bringing me to a panic, but within 20 min, I’m at least back to breathing easy and solid that I’m going.  I’m doing this.  I cannot believe I spent the entire night waffling on if I’m even doing the race.  I decide to just go and HAVE FUN.  Maybe I had been overthinking my “race plan” and should have just been all out to have fun from the get go?

Arriving at the race site, I step out and am near shocked at how COLD IT IS IN THE MOUNTAINS.  The grass is soaked and in my flip flops, my feet are just frozen.  I get race number and timing chip and set up bike in transition and begin my 1000 trips to bathroom.  As always.  So frustrating.  Luckily, I didn’t have any GI distress in the race itself.

Swim:  Started steady and really remained within where I wanted to be pace and intensity wise.  This is the BEST swim ever if you are ever considering an open water swim event.  The lake is smooth, easy, beautiful.  People were spread out and not an issue at all except for ONE situation at the turn to the 2^nd loop:  a guy I knew I was passing from an earlier wave apparently decided to use me as a dock and was pushing me DOWNWARDS, hands on back and just kept doing it.  I know bumps and hits happen, but this was like someone trying to push me down and repeatedly drown me.  After a bit, I took my hand, and literally somehow with my adrenaline running grabbed his arm or body I am not even sure and threw him over in the water/ off of me.  I may have yelled something as well (I did), I had zero control over what I was doing, I was trying to not drown… and then after I threw him away, I just got back into my swim because I didn’t want him near me anymore and tried to calm down for the 2^nd loop.  I ended strong and feeling good about my swim overall.

Bike: I wanted to go strong and I feel like I did the entire time push my pace appropriately.  I had.. AGAIN… a right/left leg discrepancy which I now am COMMITTED to find out what is going on.  My right hip/hamstring is my problematic side.  In 3 races now, on the bike, my LEFT leg/hip/hamstring feels like it is cramping/ tightening/ doing an entirely different work than my right side.  I am trying to push equally, but something is feeling wrong on my left side.  To the point that I’m completely limited by about cramping up on my left side, I'm AT that line of it making me stop if I do more, so need to be careful and listen to it. But I just cannot figure it out right now.  I will be though.  I finished with 19 mph average, and completely went as much as I worked for, stayed focus, strong and smart.

The hills were challenging, but I kept mentally strong, not letting them make me feel that I wasn’t still pushing even obviously when my pace was slower on the hills.

RUN: I had it planned to stop in the port o pot after T2 due to my female issues and I did and just was very fast of 30 seconds and OFF to the run.  First mile, I felt strong, even with the transition.  2^nd mile, my pace was 7:55, and I wanted to KEEP that exact INTENSITY (pace if possible, but I knew mile 3 was much more uphill).  So, I used that pace to keep it back to the turnaround.  Mile 3 was slower with the hills, but I knew I had done the work with committing to not give up for one second.  I was happy to start the 2nd loop and maybe see if I could begin to push it a bit more.  Mile 4 was fast again as that first mile is a bit more downhill and then I knew I have 1 more to push and then FINAL MILE.  I love this distance to really just break up the miles and if you go faster, in a way, it’s almost easier to let them clock by!  There were various paces out there and I loved being able to pass people.  I had one guy who was really keeping a solid pace in front of me for most of the race and then I passed him at mile 4.5- it does get really hard the last 1.5 miles with heat and hills, but I knew this was the end and to just hang in step by step, there is no sense in recovering BEFORE the finish line, right?!  So I did push ALL THE FREAKING WAY to the end.  There is like 200 yards before finish where it is downhill to the finish line so I did try to use that to get any extra seconds I could!

32:28 (1500m)	35:18/mile
T1	1:23
Bike	1:20:37 (41km)	19.0/mph
T2	1:05
Run	50:01 (10km)	8:04/mile
Penalty
Finish	2:45:32.0

THIS WAS MY 11th LURAY!   Not my fastest, but i am 100% thrilled with my race!

Pre- LURAY 2022: Nothing more, Nothing Less.

 

LURAY 2022- NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS

Here we are, another year.

I went back yesterday to read my race write up from last years Luray race and am BLOWN AWAY by what I wrote as the pre-race feelings. 

I was nervous, but most of all, I had had a week where I Had been feeling TERRIBLE.  And here we are again.  A week ago, I felt so bad I had to cancel classes for a day, and since then, I’m better like “functioning” but just don’t feel good/on/ I’m super tired, definitely something allergy going on because my voice is sometimes barely there, but also my body is off: EVERYWHERE.

My neck is off/ left hip/left low back, right upper ribs, my left FOOT has been giving me the first signs of plantar fasciitis, so I”ve been for the first time icing my foot and trying to take care of that.  Everything is hurting, off and again, I’m TIRED.  I’m taking a week off next week, but leading into Luray, it strikes me how similar I felt to last year, and leading me to ask some questions.  (Was my training too much over the summer (not that my actual training was too much, but in addition to all of the physicality of my days and just energy that I use up daily basis in my work maybe that was too much; maybe allergies I really need to figure out and get a preventative plan?)

ANYWAY:  RACE IS TOMORROW.  I will be there.

I’ve done some mental prep work and trying to get last minute things together today, water bottles, flasks, food packed, transition stuff, tires pumped, bike is cleaned etc.

My mental plan:

SWIM:  I always get nervous for the swim, but I just want to go out and be solid and strong.  The thing I hate is when I get that first bit of discrepancy in oxygen to my body/ being horizontal and I get a little tingly or panicky--- so I practiced that in the pool this week—forcing myself into that physical and mental state and then easing off a few strokes, calming and then re-entering the work at race pace.  I know how to recover from these episodes and so I have confidence that even if that happens, I know how to deal with it and continue.  I am hoping my sighting goes well so I don’t take unnecessary time.

BIKE:  I didn’t feel super strong last year and I hope to hop on the bike and begin CRUSHING IT nearly immediately.  It is 25 miles- I’ll take a mile of settling in, then I intend to RACE the rest to my ability and feel AGGRESSIVE.  I didn’t enjoy the feeling last year of being tentative kind of?  Just not myself on the bike.

RUN:  last year I really pushed hard physically and mentally. My run time was 49:27 last year and I remember I really did do my best.  I’d like to get that time again.. obviously faster is better- but as close to that time. 

BASICALLY IN A NUTSHELL---I aim to race with NOTHING MORE/ NOTHING LESS.

I say this all the time in yoga—we don’t need to be who we aren’t, but we need to be all that we are.

When I am out there, I can’t force myself to places I cannot go/ am not at the level of, but I can be fully present and eeking out every little bit that I do have available of myself!

Someone recently asked me if this was my “A” race.  It’s hard to honestly say anymore.  Yes, I’ve been training with my eyes on both THIS and next weekend at Annapolis 10Miler.  And they are kinda both an “A” race.   But I almost don’t like to think completely in terms of A races anymore, because – I feel like over the years, I’ve shifted towards my triathlon/race goals being much more meshed into my life and my reality, rather than trying to BULLDOZE FIERCELY and too tightly through life.  I have goals, and I do all that I can to make them a reality, but also – not at the expense of a balance and joy in my days.  I train hard and well, but I no longer am willing to put my training as this rigid HIGHEST TIER of my days.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still get it in, even when I don’t want to, BUT…. There is less urgency, less tightness of times and must-do’s and I’m more willing to listen to the restrictions of my body and back off when I need to.  (In essence, maybe this makes my training BETTER even…..) but it is just maybe myself accepting limitations and just truly being all that I am, but not needing to be more than I am.

 

Here's to a STRONG AND SUNNY DAY IN LURAY!

LIFE LESSONS on the road.

 

LIFE LESSONS ON THE ROAD.

 

So, I got up early today to get on my bike and get on the trail and OUT/past people because I know the trail can get busy early weekend mornings and well… I don’t like to be slowed down too much on my bike😊  Plus, it was supposed to be super hot, so I thought I could get more intensity in before the heat started pushing down on me too much.

So, I get less than 5 miles out on the W and OD and I see a cyclist up in front of me, he’s sitting up in the saddle and it appears that he is maybe typing something on his phone.  And I notice in front of him is an older couple taking a walk on the trail.  I’m watching thinking SURELY THIS DUDE WILL LOOK UP???!!  And he is getting closer and closer and I’m like he’s gonna hit them, so I yell out “HEADS UP”!!!  He swerves, misses them, and carries on sitting upright maybe still typing.

I go to pass him, and call out “on your left”.  He stays flat out on the center line, and even slightly LEFT of it. (no one is at all on the right side of him, but I’m not going to pass on the wrong side because that is when things get dangerous).

So, I call out again, and I yell it, there is no mistaking that my voice is audible to him.  He doesn’t move.

A third time I call out and just go ahead and pass him, and mention as I pass him that he almost hit two people back there.

Well, so then we get to an intersection and he says something to me that I couldn’t hear.  We are waiting and so I question him, I asked him to repeat it.  Apparently he didn’t hear what I had said to him as I passed, and since he is acting all asshole-y to me, I let him know that he almost ran into two people while he was not looking up, and that THEN, he could have moved over when I yelled out THREE TIMES on your left.  Then, we are at the intersection and I’m pissed but I do NOT feel completely safe with him being BEHIND me… so as the light turns, I finish with, “Now I’m going to let you go ahead”….

(It didn’t actually end there, but that was the big part of it and so I’m like 15 minutes into my ride, which was a BEAUTIFUL MORNING and I’m like irritated, (also a little scared because then he pulled over, said some nasty things as I passed him and now I don’t want him to be behind me as I get out into less populated areas.)  But I find myself RUMINATING over this scene.  Ruminating.  Wondering if I was wrong to address it, and also just flat out pissed that some people are like this and don’t think of others.  And I’m getting pissed at myself because of these bad feelings inside.  Feelings of annoyance and negativity, but also, I realize that I’m like not letting it go.  (letting it go…. Something I work on….. ewwwwww it is not my strong suit to let things go).

Anyway, so that is when it hit me:  THIS IS MY LESSON today.

I firmly believe that we can gain so much from the life lessons that training, racing, being awake and aware in life offer.  When I did a full IRONMAN, when I do marathons, when I do shorter/faster races—there are ALWAYS LESSONS.  Lessons I didn’t even know I needed.  Lessons on race day, but lessons DURING THE TRAINING.  Lessons on waking up and getting my butt out there when I do NOT feel like I want to, lessons on realizing I am maybe scared of something in my training, realizations where I am able to connect that my tendency in life is maybe something I find along the way in my training or racing.  Lessons on being in the moment.  And on and on.

Well, so this was my lesson today, something that I am always working on anyway---- it is so easy to overfocus on the negative.  These negative things just STAND OUT to us, at least me😊  There can sometimes be like 4 great things that happen, and then the 1 negative and I just all of a sudden don’t even CONSIDER the good things!  I’m all into the ruminating of the negative, making that stand out, making that be my story. Ugh.

So, while I biked for a little (I was going moderate intensity so not needing to fully push and focus here!), I reminded myself of already like 5 good things that had happened in my ride- I had seen someone I know and it was so great to see him out running strong and smiling so early in the morning, I had passed a few people who- with just little connections had smiled and shared a look of acknowledgement ,etc.  I had passed a bunny hopping along the side of the trail.  All of these things that had already made me smile!  So, I tried to give those the recognition and attention where I wanted to be spending my time- on the positive.

It is not as if I believe or expect every training session, every day, to provide some miraculous life changing realization.  But, I do believe that there is so much we can be awake to in our movement, in our journey and paths.  While teaching a yoga practice last week, I was reminding us to not just be in a position with our bodies, but our minds, our attitudes, our open awareness to what we needed from that position, what our bodies felt in that position.  (As an aside- this is really the BEST THING to ask a kids yoga class, I have found—we will do a position and I ask what does this feel like in your body?  And they have the best answers- they say they feel “free” “playful” “happy” in various positions- isn’t this so cool???!)

So, as we begin a week, I thought I’d share this and maybe we can even set as an intention to try to see 4-5 positive and great things for every 1 negative experience that we might have a tendency to ruminate or focus on…. (and maybe we can not be on our phones while riding our bikes, ahem….)

EAGLEMAN 2022

 

EAGLEMAN 2022

#13 Eagleman.

I did it, I finished.  That was the goal and I that is what I did. I finished, and I finished well.

(Let it settle that I don’t aim to do things “well”.  I usually have great as a goal, so we will get more to that in a minute).

So, my last Eagleman was in 2018 and I walked off the run course and just didn’t finish, did not have it in my heart to even try.  There were mental and physical reasons and I think I honestly made the right choice for me in 2018 by dnf’ing.  And then taking time off of Eagleman.  I promised myself I would NOT sign up in 2019 and then of course came covid.

So, it has been since 2017 since I have finished Eagleman, and that is a long time of not doing this distance.  It was GOOD to get back to it this year.

That being said, I’m going to back up.  I didn’t know if I should register- for covid reasons I was nervous but I also remember how I Just lost “heart” the last time and didn’t want to get there mentally.

I decided to sign up for a marathon in March and then do this in June as 2 goals kind of step-stoning on each other.  I think that worked well to get me back into this long course tri thing again.  After the marathon, I got back to pool once a week and ENJOYED IT!  And since I had been on my feet for hours, being on my bike for longer and longer amount of times didn’t feel too bad mentally as I was just really enjoying the new-ness of it all and even if it was just once/week going longer on my bike, I let myself enjoy that time out!  I really had about 8 weeks of being on my bike, so it wasn’t what I used to do for Eagleman training- which was a FIERCE BEGINNING ON JAN 1^st.  I was then going ALL OUT training, and for this, I didn’t want myself mentally to put that much pressure on myself.

Morning of Eagleman had some snafus with me waking up to my car with literally all 4 windows all the way down and sunroof open.  (which I did not leave it like- that is a story for another day), it rattled me then I got back into my headspace and got to race.

Swim:  It wasn’t yet raining and I was thankful to not have lightning/thunder issues, although I was not a fan of the “seed yourself” and go 3 at a time every 4 seconds.  I have a definite dislike to that- not only personally, but I don’t think it is good for crowd control or the safer way AT ALL.  It was a rough and aggressive swim.  Many green caps (MEN…) being aggressive/ not somehow being able to sight/ going zig zag, ugh.  I really wanted to be done with it and was very glad to be seeing the final red buoy to turn.  I really had no idea how I was doing because I was just tired of fighting for some of my space in the water, but I Just tried to stay unaffected and get out.  When I got to my feet and looked down, it was 35 minutes which I was 100% happy with.  I would have been fine with literally 40 minutes, so this was a bonus.

RAIN happening right away, on land, ugh.

Got on bike and knew right away:  #1 priority is SAFETY on wet roads.  I sometimes push literally 9.9/10 on the bike, I do like to get gritty and muscle/power my way through.  Not ever on wet roads though with oodles of people around.  So, I was especially first 5-6 miles with lots of turns and crowds super conservative.  Once I got into the bigger spaces of roads, and the rain and winds intensifying I found my forearms slipping on my wet soaked aerobar pads.  *it reminded me of bootcampers saying their forearms were slipping during planks!  So, I just tried to hold on and feel secure on my bike. I had a focus of also trying to remind myself to drink and begin to take in some calories even though I didn’t really want to lift a hand off of my bike to do that in the wet conditions.  First 20 miles was “fine.” 20 mph. this is slow for me on this course.  But again, it was kind of just what it was.  Mile 20-30, I was feeling my left hamstring doing something odd.  Left side for me isn’t normally problematic so I was like, hmmmm….just something to notice.  Mile 30, I knew I needed to get in some calories, I don’t like to do too much after mile 40 of foods.  So I was doing bonk bar bites plus water.  From 30-40, I definitely had a major issue come up.  All of a sudden- left hamstring was no longer an issue, it was BOTH INNER THIGHS, GROIN, but it wasn’t a subtle feeling, it was like, 9/10 something is OFF.  I initially thought maybe my swim suit was like pushing on some nerve that was like inhibiting my hip flexor inner thigh?  And I could barely pedal.  I’ve had this happen AT EAGLEMAN years ago as well.  The year that it happened long ago, I actually had to pull to the side because I couldn’t pedal.  (I always thought back to that year thinking- was that when I tore my labrum?) So, I was concerned that maybe I Was tearing my hips somehow?  But I was so uncomfortable where the edges of my swimsuit were pressing/ couldn’t get comfortable in my saddle and never had this happen before with swim suit (I had on swim suit plus bike shorts over it).  I actually reached down the pants to try to move my swim suit sideways a bit to see if I could get off of a nerve if that was it?  I don’t know what happened, but we did get a tailwind at like mile 40 that I was SO THANKFUL FOR, and it helped that there weren’t crosswinds.  I still don’t know what the inner thigh issue was, a main cause I am wondering is if because I was maybe gripping with my inner thighs since I felt like I was sliding off my forearm connection to aerobars?  Like maybe I was just holding all those muscles super tight and they just locked up?  (either way- the day after, I can barely walk bc inner thighs are screaming at me).

As we come to transition, I think, how am I going to run 13 miles.  It is for me a mental thing I think, to be like I got this HUGE bike ride done, but Now I have something else HUGE to do.  Plus zero leg function it felt like.  I NEVER do this, but got off my bike and just walked it through transition.  I don’t do that, I am FAST in transition.  Not today.  In facte I leaned my bike against a port a pot and went to pee,.  And then continued walking.  Felt kinda weird.  Typically I think I”d be embarrassed by that but n ot today.

Got my run shoes on and again, I kinda walked through transition.  Now I was maybe slightly embarrassed so I started this little shuffle (because this is where people are cheering/ cowbells and I am looking like a lazy bum walking).  So I was able to shuffle!  So that was great because I honestly didn’t know if I could.  Then it turned kind of into a nice little jog!  Sooooooo thankful!

My run mindset was:  first 4 miles is like a “chunk.”  So I was not to think of anything except the first 4 miles.  Within that first 4 miles, it went from ok that I was jogging to feeling actually kind of good!  Except I did have to stop at like mile 3 to go to the bathroom.  In my mind I was like, OK, got that done..

When I got to 4 miles, my plan was “4-8 miles is next chunk.”  Well, that was all good except those miles were HARD.  I didn’t try to go faster, just maintain what was at least decent effort (not fast, but just running). But.. I also had to go to the bathroom again at mile 6 AND 8.  I had felt a little like I was going to throw up each of those times, I definitely needed those bathrooms and was so thankful they were regularly there at the mile markers.  I was SUPER fast in and out of them, but, that being said, it was at least probably 40 seconds-60 seconds.

Mile 8-10 was another segment.  I knew when I got to mile 10 I was on the countdown just mile by mile to the finish.

Mile 8-10 was the hardest segment energy wise.  I was low energy, feeling like I was slowing down.  I had been taking in alternating pepsi and red bull at the alternating aid stations and then supplementing that with water that I Was carrying.  I did have some stinger blocks as well and needed a few of those, but not as many as I am used to.  I think I was just relying on the sips of pepsi/red bull.  A few times I really could tell that those things kicked in and helped give me a boost of energy. To get me to mile 10, I told myself maybe I could walk 30-60 seconds at mile 10 before the 3 mile push to end.  However, before 10, I had another episode, this probably worst GI of the race and definitely started to worry about what the heck my stomach was doing. BUT after I left the port o pot- luckily it didn’t linger- that was the saving grace- it was like bad stomach, but then after going to the bathroom I was up and good to run.  At mile 11 I took 30 seconds to walk and then I knew it was running it all the way in.  There were tons of people on the run course which was actually HELPFUL.  The run course has been changed so it is now 2 loops beginning about ¾ mile from start to finish, so you have people who are on their first and second loop out there.  Lots of people to see.  I have done Eagleman previously where the run is so far out and back and a DEATH MARCH OF HEAT.  I honestly laughed quickly 2x during the run this year when I couldn’t believe I was COLD.  Yes I was cold, had goosebumps.  (I’m also weird, so there is that).  I was constantly conscious that this lack of oppressive heat was an actual GIFT at this point.  And may never happen again. To do Eagleman without 90+degrees and sun scorching your soul is literally laughable.  I always try to remind myself of the blessings at the time:  I wasn’t dying of heat.  In the times my stomach was OK, my GI system was not in demise.  I didn’t have blisters.  My legs were ok it was just my energy.  The volunteers were amazing.  The other runners were so strong.  Everyone was out there: DOING THEIR THING.  Literally, this is where it is the ESSENCE OF THE RACE.  Everyone in competitition with oneself!  Truly doing all they can at that time. I did notice some people back and forth that looked happy and at ease (relatively).  I strived to channel some of that inner joy and “ease”.  I saw (slight gag) a couple – one on the way out one on the way back- stop to check on each other and have a lil smooch in middle of the road.  Still processing what I think of that and that is just NOT MY CUP OF TEA, but good for them.  Literally everyone was just FINDING WHAT THEY ARE MADE OF.  AND THAT IS MY CUP OF TEA.

And, so I finished.

And, so I have now had 24 hours to finish and figure out what this all meant to me.

I used to have a big mental focus and fierce hold on my goals.  This year it was lightly held and “it is what it is.”  I thought maybe when I finished this race that I would think- ok, now I could end Eagleman without it being a DNF- I finished, I persevered, I fought and I found what I was made of again.  But… even within an hour or two.  I don’t know that I am done fighting.  I love the essence. Literally, I love the shitty shit part where you scrape your inner inners.  Your soul is scraped.  Your heart is pissed at you and exhilarated at the same time.   Ahhhh CRAP.  I am so sucked into this stuff.  I love the training, and then I love the racing- even when it is rainy, cold and not even FUN.  I love the humanity.  What I learn about myself, about where I am in my stages, what it means to me, what my values are, where my heart is.

As the time goes on, I struggle a bit with how to reconcile this race in m­y head and heart.  Finishing was obviously good, but of course… OF COURSE…. I fall into the trap of wanting to be better/faster/ more fit.  I Have to remember, in all honesty, I trained really for this actual result.  I didn’t train to be FIERCE as I used to race.  I trained to come back and finish.  My days were not full force focused on Eagleman for 6 months, as I used to really set my sights on this as my REASON, A RACE, #1 priority.  So, it is a question I need to settle on—am I okay with finishing this way, or do I want more, and am I willing to do that work?  When I think of it logically, I am kind of happy with the balance and effort I put in to my training.  I trained enough to do this big event and finish without injury, all while being pretty balanced in life and being able to do other things that mean a lot to me, including be restful and SEATED at times😊!

I do feel this lingering “pang” of anxiety, or unsettled itchiness, of still needing to let this settle and be good to myself, which I know it will.  All in all, isn’t this one of the main reasons we race- to learn about ourselves, to ask questions and be curious if we are living in alignment with our values, doing what we ask of ourselves, whether that means attack something full force intensity, or maybe learn to practice being okay with being more moderate.  (I’ve never been awesome at moderate).  So, I think I’m in a good place, happy that I completed an Eagleman.  I won’t be there next year- I know it’ll be too much with Phoebe graduating and I don’t want to take anything away from that for my family with me being too busy, or myself, with myself just having the time to enjoy the landmark of that excitement to come.  But I do have some other big goals on the radar for that year already which will fit in nicely to the big plan.

EAGLEMAN 2022- 6 days to go

 

EAGLEMAN 2022 ONE WEEK OUT:

Eagleman ½ Ironman is one week from today.  I write this Sunday night- in one week, Eagleman will be done!  I’m taking time to mentally prep, and it has always helped me to go back and read over some of my past race reports.  Well, my last Eagleman was 2018 and…. It was my only Eagleman DNF.  If you are interested, you can read that race report at this link:

http://risingsunfitblog.blogspot.com/2018/06/2018-eagleman-dnf.html

 

So, I’ve taken off 4 years from ½ Ironman distance.  And it has been a GOOD THING.  Covid- basically took 2 years also off from triathlons! Also—in all honesty, a good thing.

I did a marathon in March to get back into a goal, a challenge, and I LOVED IT.  Then, I began getting on my bike a lot more, and once/week committed to getting into the pool after the marathon, and it was SO FUN!  It all felt new again, and I was HAPPY to be doing these things.  Swimming, biking and running were bringing me JOY and a sense of playfulness and I LOVED how I was feeling.  I think the marathon was helpful to get me back into this “long” way of thinking- like being out there for a LONG time and suffering, so when I began getting on my bike for 2+ hours, it wasn’t too bad since I was coming from doing long hours of work.

So, that being said.  I’m NERVOUS.

I’ve had some great workouts.  I’ve had some (yesterday) where I have felt like utter crap.  Heavy. Barely moving.  Grunting. Lately- for about 2 weeks kind of a mental issue of these bad head games and anxiety and irritability of worrying.  This is my reminder of my tendency.  My tendency is to get into a workout or race, and think of the end result.  I want to finish the plan. I want to finish with my goals.  So, I keep thinking about my goals.  And not just think on them, but OVERTHINK, and FIXATE, and TIRE MYSELF needlessly with mental annoyance.

I am realizing that in the next 6 days, it is the mental game I must prepare for.

I am ready physically.

Mentally, I must prepare my mindset.  I must prepare to SUFFER FULLY, however not fixate on the suffering.  I’ve noticed, and it is fine- but when I am out there literally at like a 9.5/10 on a training session, if I’m on a path or road all by myself and at this 9.5/10 effort level, I grunt and make a noise or say some choice words.  That is fine to do.  However, what I take from that and my RESPONSE will be the result. If I hear myself grunting and start telling myself a story of how bad I am suffering, I will be leading the way to places that aren’t productive.  If I do that same grunt and let myself know that I am taking this difficult place and the grunt was my “fight” and will and commitment to STAY, that is a different result of my race.

I have a tendency to when I feel terrible, think that I need to escape it, that I need to solve it and fix it and have a plan to get out of it and make it better.  Instead, I need to calm down.  Calm down and go with it, through it.  This is how it is at Eagleman, it is only THROUGH the shit moments that you finish.  Each race always has a lifetime of stories of how it comes to be that you survive… at least it feels that way.  And that is part of the huge draw and lure of doing it.  How do you find something within that you didn’t know if you actually had?  The only way to find that is by not escaping, not forcing the bad stuff away, because that just means giving in, walking, quitting.

 

The essence of a race is get out there and “get it done.”  However, again, this mindset of too much focusing on the finish will be counterproductive.  I have to be in it for the PROCESS and JOURNEY.  It is not about a time, a finishing place, but if I can look back and know that I dug into the deepest fibers of my being, learned about myself, got all of the elements of myself to work together to eek out the strongest physical and psychological performance I could on this day, then it was worth it.  I will commit to being open to the process, the long haul, and all in for the entirety of the race.

LOSE THE AGENDA, ENJOY THE MOMENT

 

LOSE THE AGENDA, ENJOY THE MOMENT.

Last weekend, I had my longest bike training workout before my half Ironman (Eagleman) next weekend.  I was doing a 60 mile ride into a 2 mile run.  This really isn’t much longer than my other rides I’ve been doing, but I wanted to go a few miles OVER the distance, and of course get a small transition run in afterwards. 

The day before, I had done my last long run of 13 miles, and I should add in that these days were about 90 degrees and 1000% humidity, so it was glorious training practice for what is a typically hot and humid race day condition, but of course it was not easy at all and I knew I was starting the bike/run workout already a bit fatigued.

I had planned to warm up, do about 20 miles at effort, and then take the pace down a bit and just get solid work in the legs to the finish.  The EFFORT when I started just FELT harder than it should have, like it wasn’t producing much power, and the WORST PART, was my MIND.  I’ll admit, from the beginning of the workout, I was in this big mental fuss inside my head. I don’t honestly know the entire issue I was having- part of it was that my whole day was this busy schedule, so I Knew when I was done with the workout, I had one million other things to fit in.  I’ve had the luxury lately of actually having some TIME on the weekends and to be able to come home, and not be RUSHING for minutes and stressing about being late to something I Need to be at, appear normal and not crushed physically.   I continued to have this inner anxiety, frustration, worry and honestly just LACK OF LOVING being on my bike for the entire effort part, and once I started the rest of the ride, I realized I needed to STOP IT.  I had a little internal meeting with my self and said this is not sustainable or enjoyable.  LET GO.  Let go of the rigid, fearful, tight grip on worry and paces and all the things….. and JUST RIDE YOUR BIKE!  And APPRECIATE EACH MINUTE you are out here! It is hot weather! Yea! I have this time, YEA!  I am trained as much as I can be at this time for my race, YEA!  ENJOY!  And I was luckily able to really turn off my anxiety and just get into this calm groove of being IN THE EXPERIENCE WITH NO AGENDA!  I just enjoyed riding my bike!  I let myself notice the things I was seeing, I saw a baby deer on the path, had to slow down for it because it didn’t really know what to do!  I saw a huge bunny cross my path, and I just enjoyed the miles, the time to myself, the feeling of cycling without pushing my max, but just being in it, keeping myself hydrated, being in the work of it all😊 WHAT A CHANGE IT MADE for me to have no agenda, no GOAL, and just be in the place of enjoying the ride for the sole purpose of being in the moment.

I ended up using this as a little “theme” or mantra/intention for my yoga classes this past week- of having no goal, no agenda, and just being in the moment.  As I am about 1 week away from Eagleman, I am reminding myself that it is also this very thing that sometimes gives me the hardest time during my race.  I have this tendency, because I am RACING, to think about the END. To think about how to get to the end fastest.  And while I do want to do well, I need to let go of that rigid, gripping, anxiety producing mindset and be fully in the moment just for that moment. Be in the mile I am in.  ENJOY THE TIME ON THE ROADS! I always say that race day is a party on the road- you’ve done the hard work, now settle in and enjoy your time out there!  While there is no way to “enjoy” maybe every minute (there will be MAJOR SUFFERING, I am well aware, during Eagleman), I Have to remind myself to at least be able to begin, and have as my “base mindset” a total enjoyment and passion for being out there, in the air, the sun on my shoulders, riding strong on my bike, taking the time- not thinking of the end, but being in the enjoyment of the moment.

Likewise, I find myself realizing this is a similar thing I find my headspace going to on a daily basis.  There is so much to do, so many angles of life pulling at us all the time, that it can feel like this overwhelming, almost sense of panic.  But as always, if I remind myself, that right NOW….. it’s all good….. I don’t have to think of everything all at once, I don’t have to be everything all at once, I don’t need to think BIG PICTURE.  Just be in one thing at a time, one moment at a time, let go of the things pressing down on me, and be in the ability to enjoy the thing I am in at the moment, it makes a world of a difference.  If you ever find yourself feeling these similar feelings, maybe this will help you also😊