Saturday, November 5, 2016

A day for me....

I'm writing this on a Saturday night, home alone, drinking a glass of wine.  I've had a full day to myself- Ryan took the kids to a football game in PA and so I have two nights to myself and they'll be home in the AM.  I have tried to do things I want to do and relax, but it has also felt a bit busy and always going today because I have so much I want to get in on the days I have to myself!

I woke up not too late to my dear Ellie Mae wanting her kibbles:)
I read the newspaper for a bit with coffee which was so nice and relaxing, then I went grocery shopping (!) never do that on a weekend usually and alone and by myself and it felt a bit like heaven... and then came back and gardened- planted a bunch of tulips, did some fall cleanup.
I went to pool and swam, went to two stores real quick on the way home (one was walk in/walk out)-- more on that later, gardened/ walked Ellie Mae/ did house chores, a bit of crocheting/ a bit of work/ a bit of pre holiday organizing and here I am whoa.  I want to sit and watch a movie tonight if I can, BUT this first...

I am trying to organize myself, my mind, my heart, my priorities, my dreams, my plans,  my intentions.
I have been feeling a bit overloaded for awhile.  Work is good and busy, I always stress myself out by wondering if I am doing enough/ too much/ kids- am I doing enough for them/ too much for them/ everything... I need to stop ruminating in my head. 
I have some big goals for my training, but also am still fighting a lingering hip/hamstring injury which also is making it hard for me to think clearly, because everything is coming with a "what if" behind it-- like "what if" I don't get better?
I am trying to plan next years vacations for my family- I guess spring break is out-- so crazy that if you don't plan it like... awhile ago-- there is nothing left....  or maybe there is and I just don't know, and until I plan some other things, I feel like I cannot plan vacations.

Such is the life of having goals and priorities.  Some things must be worked on first.  But at the same time, I need to take risks and just flat out - blind in some ways, step out into the unknown and commit.

Commit without knowing if it will work, if I will be successful, if my plans are the best possible plans EVER.  But sometimes you have to just do it.  What ever IT is:  signing up for a race, planning a vacation, applying for a job/sponsorship/position, going in a different direction with your career and goals, risking things, making BIG decisions.

So, after writing this all out, I kind of feel more motivated to commit. 
To say YES to myself.  I am in.  I am IN for it all.  LIFE, challenges, plans, I am going to make things happen.  I am going to go AFTER IT.  I momentarily thought I'd play it safe.  But after writing this, I feel like I have breathed and had my headspace today to feel refreshed and ready.

ONWARD.  BIG, FUN things.....
stay tuned this week:)
Out of my comfort zone, I will go:)

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